Hello all of you who care for others!<P>I'm so sad how things have changed between my wife and me, after been married for almost 18 years,has gone. Our marriage has been kind of down and in level if you know what I mean.<BR>I'm 46 and she is 40. We have 4 children. She was the girl that I fell in love with from the minute I saw her for the first time. It<BR>was so good too talk to her and all that. Back then I was married to another girl, and I had been pretty un-faithful to her. <BR>Which I quite didn't like to do. But at these times (pre Aid's) and all that, beside I was in a Pop group, so it was kind a normal to fool around. But as I mention I<BR>quite didn't like my self for doing it. <BR>So when I meat my wife some 18 years<BR>ago, I knew that she would be the last girl that I would want to have an affair with.<BR>Which I did, and after that I divorced my ex-wife. Everything was going so smooth and we were "In-Love" with each other, though I knew this situation was kind a tough for her, because she was such a descent girl only 22 years of age. I gave up my music carrier, quit smoking hash or grass, sold my<BR>drum kit, and was totally devoted to her. Only 9 months after we got together we had our first child, and only 15 months after he was born we got our second son. Everything was going as I had dreamed of, before even I had even met her.(regarding having children) But before she became pregnant of our 3rd child we moved from Iceland to USA. This time it was a girl and she was naturally named after her mother. I wanted to<BR>live for some time there and work, (because we got the "Green Card") and in most cases everything was going smoothly, except it was kind a tougher to get a proper job in LA. I<BR>had been working in a sertain entertainment industry in Iceland, I had hoped to get a similar job in the "Tinsel town". But it turned out not as easy as it seemed to be,<BR>though I had some 10 years experience in this field. So at that time our<BR>problems started to pile up in our marriage, and I a typical "Marsion" who couldn't talk or communicate about my or our emotional problems,I simply put my head in the sand.<BR>Though I even got so hooked on TV shows like Dr. David's Viscott talk show that aired on<BR>KNBC every Saturday nights, and I tried to learn to solve our problems by<BR>listening to both his TV show and as well his Radio Show. Well after 3 years<BR>we returned back to our native country, and took our unsolved marital problems with<BR>us, though we tried going to marriage council out in LA, because it was such<BR>a natural thing to do. And even when we came back home we went to counseling.<BR>Well to cut a long story short as we sometimes say. We moved into a bigger<BR>house then we had before, after we had our second girl, that was back in fall of 98, <BR>I know that she wanted too get our marriage back too the way it should have been. <BR>But I thought I had done everything I could do to meet her needs, and things couldn't be so wrong with me, But I guess I didn't quite listen take her or taken herr seriously enough. Most of our sparkle in our eyes was gone. We just did our daily works, took care of our kids, which was in a way kind of tough thing to do, because our younger son had have been in some problem with his behavior. (typical under situation like this one)He was like a mirror of our marital problems.And he even had go under junior treatment, and needed therapist treatment. He didn't function quite normal in<BR>school, though he's pretty smart student. He even had started to drink at the age of 14. And that didn't help<BR>our marriage situation much. Though both my wife and I have never had any drinking problems. So at that time we had started to talk about a separation would be even the best thing that we did. It wasn't working out this way. And even I wasn't either against it at that time, But then it happened she took a little "swing out" one night, last summer. Well she simply<BR>had an affair with another man. And guess what? At that point I finally started to<BR>understand things weren't going in the right direction for us. <BR>I DIDN'T WANT SEPARATE ANYMORE. I dug so deep into our problems and finally<BR>started to read and shearced, surf the net for answers to our problems, committed<BR>that I had been so blind for such a long time, and wanted to start working<BR>on our marriage. But she had made up her mind. Her decision about 6 months separation was the only sulution that she saw.<BR>And we separated last February, she and the kids moved to another apartment, and I<BR>moved to a typical bachelors apartment, Well<BR>things are simply in such a "status que" for me and even here I guess, no intimate between us, and I'm just trying to hang in till those 6 months are up! and I haven't got a clue what she will then do. But I can't get used to be like an outsider to my family. Though I'm just that typical weekend daddy! What and how can I get me second change, I've written to her, asked her to read those books that I've bought, <BR>like David Viscott's book(I love you, Let's work it out), Don't sweat the little stuff in Love, by Ph.D Richard & kristen Carlson, Men are from Mars & Women are from Venus, by John Gray. All these books are such a excellent books to read. And all this material that we can read and learn from on this wonderful side. I also like to mention another web side named: <A HREF="http://www.hubbynet.com" TARGET=_blank>www.hubbynet.com</A> <BR>Please give me some advise or help<P>"Look Who's Lonely Now"<P>------------------<BR>Teskeiðin<p>[This message has been edited by Teespoon (edited April 10, 2001).]

Teespoon,<P>I am so very sorry for your pain. I know a little bit about how you feel. However, I was the WS and when my H found out & wanted to divorce, I realized how I had ruined everything & wanted to make it all better. I have done everything possible to please him, but he says it's too late. We are still living under the same roof because I refuse to leave - I still want to work it out. We have some contact, hugs, kisses, but nothing intimate. We are also in a status quo.<P>I'm sorry I can't help you - I'm also trying to figure out how to get a second chance. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone.<P>Have either of you been to counseling? Take care of yourself.

Thank you Berry. Well everything isn't as we wish it were for us in sharing our good old times, if you know what I mean. Sorry though I have to ask you what WS stands for. You have to forgive my unfamilarity in all thouse "short cuts" that you Americans use, though I try my best. Well to tell you because you're still living with your husband, is try to get him as much as you can to "study" do some homework regarding learning how to get back what you once had, I'm sure it will do very good, as long as your distant hasn't reach it's maximum. Gee how much I had done that many years ago. Yes, we went to a counceling some years ago, but I think my wife wanted me to much much more that I was ready to do, I guess the main problem was that I didn't get the love from her, which was mostly intimacy, cuddling and touching, while she wanted more of "let the work" show how much you care for me was I guess what she wanted from me back then, and still does. Thank you very much for your thoughfullness tourch my feeling. Stay in touch with Marriage Builders Service, it's fantastic side as you know, Please try to get your husband to read it with you.<P>------------------<BR>Teskeiðin<p>[This message has been edited by Teespoon (edited April 09, 2001).]