Well, it is a complicated story. We've been together 10 years, married for 3 of those. We love each other very much. We are very compatible, affectionate, loving, do almost everything together. In the early days, John seemed to be very interested in sex,but still not as much as I. I like sex and enjoy it very much, but it is not a problem of just not having sex often enough. I'd be happy with the number of times we do have sex if he showed more of an interest in it. I always initiate it, always. Once I decided that we were not going to have sex until he initiated it and we did not have sex for 6 months, when I finally gave in. I want him to want me more, not to feel loved. I feel loved. I know he loves me. He is very affecionate and caring. But I dont feel desired sexually. Sometimes it feels like we are brother and sister - there is no sexual awareness between us other than when we are actually having sex. I don't think I have even heard my husband say that he wants me, or seen him look at me outside of the bedroom with lust in his eyes and I refuse to let our marriage go on like this. A few months after I met my husband, I met another man, Chris, and we had a miny affair, John and I separated for two weeks, but the affair went on for several months, then I broke it off. But Through the years I have slept with Chris several times on and off. We have amazing sexual chemistry and he makes me feel like the sexiest woman alive. When he looks at me I know that he wants me and he is more active in bed - I almost never have to initiate sex with him. When I got married I vowed that was over. Two years after I got married I went to work where Chris was working and soon enough I got confused by his intense pursuit of me, left my husband to sort myself out and had a full-fledged 'secret' affair with Chris. Now my husband and I are rebuilding our marriage and I know we will succeed, we still love each other,but the problem of sex is still there. Of course, now I still work with Chris and we are still attracted to each other. I dont' want to fall back into my old habits. I want to want my husband the way I want Chris. And as part of that, I want my husband to want me the way that Chris wants me. How do I achieve that? Oh, I forgot to mention that my husband's job takes him away for weeks at a time. I am really desperate to solve this problem. I have already spent 10 years in a sexually unresponsive relationship. I want our marriage to be the best it can be,and I want my husband to want me. I would be ecstatic if he could burn with desire for me, but I will be thrilled with even the slightest increase in interest. Please help

You would get a lot more response to this in the Emotional Needs area of the bb...may want to copy & post it there.<P>There are a number fo people there, male and female with similar issues as far as less-sexual spouses go...<P>Good luck<p>[This message has been edited by kam6318 (edited April 10, 2001).]

I know exactly how this feels - I too am in the exact same situation as you and I've tried EVERYTHING! over years! I decided not to initiate approx 7 weeks ago - and am still waiting! I hope someone here can help us both. I find this situation incredibly demoralising. We can but pray I guess.

Leanna...<P>I'm sorry that the sexual and intimacy part is challenged. In the end...talking about your differences and how you both value and place importance (Seems at different levels) on how you are intimate is the first step. Both of you have to want to want to make it better!<P>If you really are trying to work on your marriage and make it the best it can be...in all areas...sex included...be careful of the affair route. You can read post after post of people here who had the same if not worse problems and at the end of the day...having the affair may make you feel alive...needed...wanted...more sensual and sexual than you have in years...but...it does not solve the problems in your marriage.<P>Best of luck and read all that people before you have experienced...for many...it is one of the most painful trips they have ever taken in their entire life and has not solved their "Problems" in their marriage in the long run.<P>Have you considered seeing a counselor together?<P>Best to you and your husband.<P>mr r

I know exactly how you feel too, although in this case it is my wife who is the one who does not have that much interest in sex. I am the one who wants to make sure that she is satisfied. In the beginning of our relationship, it was wonderful. Now, it seems that the only time that she really wants me is when her hormones are up.<P>My question to you ladies out there is this though;<P>Do you have to have an orgasm every time. I am told that just the intimate contact is enough in most cases.<P>I have been on the affair route. That is not a road to start down.<P>I myself am in the middle of trying to decide if my marriage is worth saving or not and sex is one of the core issues.<P>Best of luck to you.