Over the last few years my H has been abusive towards me. He wanted sex twice a day - and he wouldn't stop even when I told him no. His tone towards me has changed over time, and he is deaf when I tell him I feel used like an object.He has a short temper, and is frustrated easliy.<P>We have seen a few counselors over the course, but we never see them very long before he decides he doesn't like them. We are seeing someone now who is at an all time record of 6 weeks. He sems intent on focusing on what "we" did wrong and not on his behavior.<P>He won't own up to his actions, but says that if he knew there were consequences to forcing himself on me, he wouldn't have done it. We are separated in the same house. I find myself agreeing to things that I don't like/want to do just to pacify him. He has become very focused on me - checking on me, accusing me of affairs (there are none, asked me to give up all outside relationships, holding our debt over my head, and telling me that I have too much anger about the problem.<P>I'm not sure that I can forgive him and trust him again after so many problems. I am confused and don't know what to do. My H thinks that MB is the way to solve "our" problems. It may be, but I think he needs to be accountable for his actions. The hurt there is so deep.<P>Please send my any words of wisdom.

Has he considered an anti-depressant? My husband was much the same but, after 2 months on an anti-depressant, he is a different man totally. Much easier to get along with. the anger is much more controlled, pleasant, kind and funny. It truly is a miracle to me.

Thanks for your words Ballet. He has been on Prozac for a few weeks - but he didn't take it regularly and was drinking with it too. He know says he needs something else. He hasn't given it a chance. Did medication alone help your situation?<P>REgards Bayla

Get the book "The Verbally Abusive Relationship". It has a lot of good advice on how to understand and deal with abusive behavior such as this. Trying to "pacify" him is definitely not the answer, nor is continuing to go along with the abuse. Unfortunately (as you will read in the book) he is unlikely to go along with counseling because he is in a "different reality" than you and doesn't think he needs to change.<P>My wife is an abuser. I have changed my behavior to where I will not tolerate being abused by her. I would encourage you to do the same.

My h started his abusive behavior when I became pregnant or maybe it was the affair he became involved in during my 2 tri-mester. We have been together 2 1/2 years. I love him very much, but I also started the tippy-toe game to keep the peace. I called the cops once when it became very bad one night. H was caught haveing an affair with a so called friend of mine. Who was helping out with house/kids while I was on bedrest for my pregnancy. Which was how the fight began. I never thought the would hurt me, I was very wrong. The second time much the same as the first he was caught again with her and I left. H showed up at my best friends house and went in to a fit she called the cops and he was aressted again. The point being he was court orderd into councleing and there trying some different anti-depreppents. No, its not a cure but he is starting to admitt to the fact thier is a problem. We are going to try marriage councling. I am more of a threat to the marriage at this point because of his infedelity and the physical abuse I have endured the last 6months. I am schueld for a c-section in 4days. Even though I see the improvement I don't feel safe and have quite comunicating with him. Is it to late? I hope you use your resources and don't wiat until your damage is to far gone.

He is very jealous over you and does not want to let go of you and also even is controlling you and I had the same<P>He has to go with you to a counsellor and stick to it<P>Because he is even manipulating that and wants his own way with everything<P>He likes marriage builders which is a good thing but also it does not give you guys an opportunity to both talk things out and he has already made you uncomfortable and is not allowed to demand sex from you it is classified as rape and is against the law Being seperate in the same house also only allows him to prey on you like he already is and will eventually kill your relationship<P>Call in a male minister immediately because it will be a form of protection for you both because he is not treating you right and is taking advantage of you being a woman on your own<P>Do you have any brothers who can come and sit with you sometimes in the evenings just for an hour or two because you are in a little danger here<P>You must be very careful<P>This man seems emotionally disturbed<P>Go to a Christian church nearby and speak to them and get a christian minister involved in your lives because you must get some help before he comes up with another sneaky plan to envelop you<P><BR>This is not real love you have but obession and he is taking all his frustrations out on you and is using you like a satisfying object like you are some kind of plastic doll<P>Get counsellling soon