I have been married about 4 years now and I have already thought about divorce.<BR>I have been un-happy for a long time now, it seems like everyday is the same old routine. He has a hobby that takes all his time after work he goes straight out to work in his garage and I see him when we go to bed.<BR>we go about 2 mos without making love and i have talked to him about this so many times it doesnt do any good.<BR>The other day I had a little date planned for us, I called him while he was working and told him my plan I was excited and felt like we needed this time to have fun together like we use to. I had a babysitter set up and all.<BR>I was so upset when his reply was "oh im sorry I need to get my bike done" (this is the hobby!) <BR>and even when we go camping together he is seldom around me<BR>I feel the reason im there is to cook and clean and watch our daughter.<BR>I dont know what to do this has been going on for about 2 years now!<BR>He doesent think there is a problem at all!<BR>what should i do?<BR>Is devorce the only way?<BR>Please give me some advice<BR>Thanks,<BR>papis7<BR>

No. Divorce is not the only way. Have you actually sat down with him and communicated to him exactly how you are feeling, or do you just think he should "know." Tell you what, he doesn't just know. Seriously, a lot of men are not so intune with emotions, and intuition and such, and need to be completely directed..almost like connect the dots. You need to let him know that its important that you have time together. Don't tell him that you need to "talk" to him or that will scare him away. But, when you do get that time together, communicate. Maybe go out with him when he is working on his "hobby" and spend some time with him there.

Talking is always the best way to begin the trail that will take you to reconcillation or another level of discussion and seeking advice. Tell him what marriage means to you papis7, what it meant to you when you were married. Tell him what your expectations were. Ask him about his feelings. Ask him what he is married to you for, what were his expectations as he entered the marriage. If you are both perfectly honest you have a basis for discussion and growth or possibly you will find areas that need some work. It is true that marriage is work. Ask him what he is getting out of your marriage right now and you tell him the same. Of course this will have to be done without accusing fingers being pointed. If all this succeeds you both have your expectations and the extent to which you have fulfilled those expectations. Working all this out is the rough part. The discussions have to be open and honest or you don't have anything to work out actually. Then . . . I guess this is the bottom line . . . . each of you have to decide if you can accept your parterner's expectations or resolutions to problem areas. You both will be thinking about whether resolution or compromises are too high of a price to pay. But if you have gotten this far you will probably be just fine I think. Once the discussions begin the healing and resolution is beginning already. Good luck!<P>------------------<BR>Palmetto<p>[This message has been edited by Palmetto (edited May 03, 2001).]

Hello Papis7~<P> I have read your letter, and I really know how you feel. My husband and I have only been married for 1 year, and he already has hobbies that take up all of his time. When I talk to him to tell him, he doesn't think he is doing anything wrong, and doesn't take my feelings into consideration. I guess we are both stuck! It seems to get even worse when I talk to him about it all the time, like he is so annoyed with me that he wants to run away. <BR> I guess all we can do is try to hang in there, talk more with him, say prayers, and realize that this is only a crevase in our lives and eventually happiness will enter back in soon. Good luck~goodnight<P>------------------<BR>

papis 7 and goodnight,your not stuck you just need to get involved and learn more about the "HOBBY".Sharing and honesty will pay off here.Turn a love buster in to a love bank deposite.Maybe you should check out the quest. and forms section.Men like to have their space but are willing to share some of it with you.Take the time to let him know that you want to share not TAKE his time.One man's op. GOOD LUCK!

Thank you all for your advice, I do love my husband very much and I am willing to try everything poss to make it work!<BR>Alot has happend since I last wrote, We went full blows.<BR>We both went from fighting to talking then telling eachother how we feel. He said he had no idea how I felt all he wanted to do was to get his project done so he can get it out of the way! Then take me to go have fun in it. <BR>He also said, When he gets on one thing it is hard for Him to think about anything els.<BR>I know men are diffrant from woman, But my question is why <BR>is it so hard to help him understand how I feel!<BR>Alot of the time I feel I am helping his problems instead of working on mine.<BR>When I do tell him how I feel He says I am bringing up dumb things that does not mean anything.<BR>I dont think that trying to feel loved more is not a dumb problem. <BR>Well all of you had great advice I will use it Thank you all<BR>papis7 <p>[This message has been edited by papis7 (edited May 07, 2001).]