About 6 months ago I started talking to this guy on the internet, and found that we had a lot in common. Him and his wife weren't getting along, just as my husband and I weren't getting along. I started having feelings for him and finally decided to separate from my husband of almost 4 years. The day after I told him he came home and took our 2 kids from me because his Mom told him that if he didn't take them, then I would keep him from them. Her and I have never gotten along. He listened to her and took them. I don't need to tell you how crazy I went. I was so angry and I cared more about what happened to them then I did him. That one incident really hardened my heart towards him. I no longer wanted a separation, but a divorce. I didn't think anything could ever make me want to reconcile with him again. During the time that he had the kids I stupidly met up with this guy that I was talking to on-line. I felt like I just needed the support. We shared one kiss and that was it. We mainly did a lot of talking and I did a lot of crying. A couple of days later my husband returned the kids. He was crying and apologizing and begging me to take him back. My heart was so cold because of what he did, that I didn't even blink an eyelash. I said a lot of hurtful things that I didn't mean. I just felt like hurting him like he hurt me. No one knows what it feels like to have your kids ripped from you until it happens. I hope no one has to experience it. Since I was a stay-at-home mom, I had to go out and get a job. At my job interview I met this guy and ended up having a one night stand. Biggest mistake ever! About a month later I was starting my first day of work. As I waiting out side the building before I was to start, there was a guy and we started talking. He asked for my # and I gave it to him. He called me and we started dating. We had sex twice, but there was something missing. My heart had finally started softening. Suddenly my husband and I started talking again and I decided to swallow my pride and tell him that I had been thinking about him and about reconciling. I asked him out on a date and we went and played pool. I was so nervous. We came back home and watched a movie. All of a sudden we decided to get back together. I knew it had to be God. Even he admitted it. He moved back in and I knew that it would be hard, but in the 3 months that we were apart I had come to realize how much I really loved him and I never wanted to let him go again. We kept on putting off counseling. Don't ask me why, but we did tell each other everything that we did while apart. I am now thinking that it was a mistake to do that. My 2 sexually experiences that I had really hurt him. In my mind I thought we would never get back together. Now that we have, he can't get over the pain of what I did while separated. from him. He fooled around with girls, but couldn't go all the way. He said it just didn't feel right with anyone but me. A couple of days ago he said that he is not happy and the hurt of what I did is just getting worse, not better. He can't be around me because all he thinks about is me with another man. He is living here occasionally, but if he is in a really angry hurt mood, he goes to a friends house. He says that he doesn't think the pain will ever go away, but I tell him that it is going to take more than 3 months to get over it all. He has finally decided to go to counseling, but it hurts so much when he is gone, and it hurts so much when he's here because we are so uncomfortable. We don't know what to say or do. He says that he still loves me and always will, but being around me hurts too much. Our first counseling appointment is on Sunday, and all I can do is pray that it helps. I just pray that God can open his heart and begin to heal. I ask that anyone who reads this pray for me. I know that I am to blame for this. And I do take complete blame. But if there is still love there, then we owe ourselves and our kids to give it another chance. Our kids were so hurt from our split the first time, and just can't stand to see them hurt again. Please pray for us and e-mail me with any suggestions or support of any kind. Any similar stories that end in reconciliation would also be great encouragement to me. Thank you!<BR><P>------------------<BR>Sechygirl

Sechygirl,<P>You've said a mouthful, but one statement sticks in my mind. You said that you're to blame and that you accept responsiblily for your actions. It sure doesn't sound that way to me. You repeatedly place the reason for your actions on your husband. You must realize that you have had an EA and two PAs. These are serious violations of trust. I don't blame your H for taking the kids and I certainly wouldn't compare and affair to him taking the kids for protection. I think it would be helpful for you to re-read your post. Listen for the tone and see if you understand what I'm saying. (I certainly could be wrong also)<P>If you truly want to reconcile with your H, you're going to have to start at the beginning. You can never return to where you once were. You can't expect to pick up where you left off. You're not the same person you were before, no matter how little emphasis you put on your affairs.<P>I'm glad to hear you are going to counseling. That's definitely where you must start. It was not a mistake to tell your H all. In fact you should go the next step further and confide in every way. Only complete and total honesty is going to get your H back. Anything less and your chances aren't very good. It's going to take a lot of hard work. Good Luck!<P>------------------<BR>Later,<BR>B

Dear B,<BR>Thank you for your response. I didn't mean for it to sound as if I had a good reason to do what I did. At the time it happened, I had what I thought where good exuses, but now I am not making any exuses for my actions other than complete stupidity. I know now that there are no good reasons for having an affair. After I posted this last night I had a total breakdown on the phone with my husband. I finally freed all the true emotions that I have been wanting to tell him that I haven'y know how to put into words. I think it may have done some goood, I hope. Once again, thank you for your comments. <P><P>------------------<BR>Sechygirl

Hello<P>I invite you to write to me at kidnpuppetshow@yahoo.com as I do a little marriage counselling<P>I feel that your situation can be repaired<P>You made a mistake but not a serious one<P>You were looking for complete love<P>I pray that you will write to me<P>Read <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com" TARGET=_blank>www.marriagebuilders.com</A> as there<BR>is an item about conversation and conversation<BR>busters<P>If you read it and study it you will discover a lot<BR>of answers written in already<P>Write soon<BR>Carol