My wife and I've been having problems for the past 7 years of our 14 year marriage. Simply put she lost her sex drive after a hysterectomy.<P>We've found exercises that may help (she's found some on this site herself and brought them to my attention). She makes a commitment to me to do the exercises (e.g. desensitization exercise for sexual aversion) and she does it one time and then quits. If I ask her how it's going and encourage her to keep at it, I'm nagging (in her words). If I back off and don't say anything and then check in a couple of weeks, she tells me she "forgot".<P>When I tell her that the message that she's sending me by her actions is that she's not serious about trying to make things better she tells me she's "trying". Problem is that her "trying" doesn't look any different from her "not trying".<BR> <BR>I'm at my wit's end. Any suggestions?

Jack,<P>My sister has commented to me about the difficulties she and her husband have had since her hysterectomy. And I went through my own timespan when intercourse wasn't exactly the greatest thing in the world.<P>What used to be pleasurable is painful, or has no interest at all. It's very frustrating and embarassing. Not the sort of thing that you want to talk to friends or family about, never mind a Dr. -- some stranger. It's frightening.<P>Wanting to be close to someone, but not being able to.<P>I can't begin to tell you the flood of mixed emotions that bombards. Plus your wife also has the loss of a primary part of what makes her a woman. <P>Has she been to counseling? <BR>I'm thinking of possible grief and depression (loss, lack of motivation, etc.).<P>How can you be more supportive? <BR>I don't know what any of these exercises are, but I'm wondering if some of them are things that you can help her with. Maybe a bit of daily playing?<P>~Amy<P>

It's been 7 years of little to no sex. We went from making love 3- 5x a week to once a month to once every 2 months. We've had spells where it's been 6 months at a stretch.<P>We've been to drs. (gynecologists, an endrocrinologist, family practioners). She's been on different hormones and antidepressants and testosterone preporations. We've tried herbs. We've gone to therapists and my wife just sits there with her arms crossed and says very little. Then she tells me, outside of the office, that she doesn't want to talk about our problems with a stranger that we'll work it out ourselves, but we don't.<P>I'm desparate.

It certainly sounds like you have tried everything during the past 7 years and it does not seem like it is going to change after this long period of time. I guess the question to you is are you willing to live the rest of your marriage without sex? Only you can decide how important it is to you and whether or not it is a deal breaker when it comes to being in a marriage for you. Good Luck.