Once I had confronted my H about his relationship, I was ready for the ultimatum. Our marriage had been fulfilling and wonderful but the pain I had endured had made me ready to give him the choice.<P>Since then, he told me numerous times, he wiped his hands clean, and that he loved me and did not want to lose me over anything.<P>I only knew where the OW lived and her name, because I hired a P.I. and had him followed to her house etc..<P>I dont need the gory details, but the question is, since I never knew what happened to lead to the affair how do I know what was "lacking"? He said all is well and I am wonderful and a perfect wife.<P>Could affairs just happen because it "feels good" and people "click"? And there is something that they are missing that cannot possibly be fulfilled by the spouse?<P>I am in counseling myself to move on and give my H the one chance he deserves because of the 5 1/2 wonderful years we spent.<P>Maybe I will never know what he was feeling and what was so fulfilling about the OW?<P>He just wants to "move on" from the whole thing....

P.S.<P>In the beginning of the relationship, I knew there were just phone calls to her. When asked about her, he said she worked in a store he used to go in, and they just were friends because she had problems. He said it was just "someone different" to talk to and it may help him understand me.<P>Wouldnt that have been great if I would help him understand ME?<P>The thing that burns my [censored] is that he actually pursued her! Exchange of numbers, talking to her on his cell phone outside of my house...etc...

Have you read Private Lies by Frank Pittman? It explained my own H's affair better than any other book.<P>Basically I have come to believe my H's affair was an accident. A horrible combination of minor contributing factors and bad timing.<P>Although at first he was pointing fingures at our marriage, he now has no idea what happened other than he thinks he was curious and thought I would never know. He is completely remorseful.<P>That doesn't mean that there were not good reasons for him to be vunerable and we have worked very hard to make the marriage better than ever. <P>Was it long term? Did it start as a friendship? Was there a big emotional entanglement? My H's were none of these. He came to see this woman as someone he didn't even like. This made it easier.<P><P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

OK you answered those questions, but it does not seem like it may have been highly charged emotionally.<P>Maybe he just needed to "save" someone or "pursue" someone or create danger for some reason. Maybe when he saw the devastation it caused, he really learned a lesson.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13