I have been married 8 years. My husband and I have been through a lot, but lately I have been very lonely. When my husband comes home from work, he usually goes up to the home office and sits on the computer until it is time for bed, or he spends a lot of time with friends outside the home. Whenever we do something together, it is usually me who initiates it. I told him I was unhappy with this, but it seemed to push him further away. He tried for a small time period, and then stopped, and the same behavior began again. After this, I he told me I nagged and always found a problem with anything he did. We began to argue a lot. Many times he would walk out of the conversation, leaving things, "unfinished". I am a full-time student beginning my last year, and whenever I was studying, he complained that I wasn't around and I was neglecting the house and my family.(we have a 7-year-old). After the semester was over, I thought since he missed me so much that we would have more time together, but the same behavior began again. This time I told him that things had to change. He was on his way to work when I told him this, so we didn't have time to talk. When he came home that evening, he told me he was going out. I was very upset that yet again, he was running away from the situation. He got home at 3:00am. The next day when we sat down to finish the conversation, he told me he wanted a divorce. I don't understand. I want my marriage, but we have been through conselling before(we were military, so never finished before it was time to move). He is no longer in the military. He says we tried it already and he is not willing to do that again, though I argue that we never finished more than 3 or 4 sessions with any one therapist. This has gone on a week now, but he keeps reminding me that he still feels that our marriage is over. I feel that our marriage needs work, but how can I save our marriage, or should I wait to see what he is going to do? He has made no move towards a lawyer or anything, and we have been very cordial as well as loving towards each other lately. I just don't want to get to comfortable, then he drops the bomb on me.

There's an old saying, "If you love something, set it free, if it comes back, it's yours. IF not, it never was."<P>The last thing that you can do is force your h to love you and want to stay together. It is us to you to convince him that to lose you would be the biggest mistake of his life. But you won't do that until by begging or pleading with him, you must show him. <P>But remember, you deserve his love and you do NOT deserve the way that he is treating you. But since you can't change him, you will have to be strong and take care of yourself and try to make changes in yourself. When he disrespects you, he needs to know that. If he doesn't care, then you need to let him know that you are not going to be treated like that.<P>I have a feeling he truly doesn't want to leave you but has somehow lost his respect for you. Maybe you can initiate a conversation to find out exactly what the problem is.<P>JMH

Save your marriage.<BR>I must get straight to the point. Yes, I have been married, I have been there and done that. The best way to save your marriage, is first tell your mate your feelings, be open, understanding and caring. And then leave it there. You state that your husband spend a lot of time on the computer and with his friends. Patient (you must have). This may sound silly, and very childish, but it is the truth. Your husband has found him something to occupy his time and excuse to avoid talking to you. Get you a email address and send him email and let him know your feelings. Bring your romance back into your marriage through the computer. Find things that he would like to do and see if he will follow through. Always remember what ever it took to get him, you must continue to do that to keep him. (But don't let him run over you). Do not nag him, find yourself doing things that can entertain your mind while he is doing whatever it is he is doing. But always ask if he would like to apart of it. The key is respect.!!!!!!!!!!<P>In my closing, I would like for you to read this for 1 week and pray and ask God to come in and dwell with you and your husband. It is not to late.<P>Father, I plead that You bring (your name) and (your husband name) into a more intimate relationship with Yourself, Cause us/them to long for You as the deer longs for water. Grant us/ them a hunger in their soul for You. Creat within us/them a spirit of prayer, especially for each other.<P>My prayers and best wishes to the both of you <P>------------------<BR>

Airica,<BR> My first question would be what is he doing til 3 am in the morning.Its been my experience there is only 1 thing to do that late.Not to put anything in your head but do you think there could be another woman involved.I agree with you that you need some husband wife time even away from your child,but their has to be a reason he is not willing to do this.What does he do on the computer all that time.I agree with the statment "If you love it let it go"..Maybe if you are not around this will change his mind and if you are nagging you have to stop {i learned this the hard way} it does nothing but make things worse..Good Luck<P>------------------<BR>Tracy

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by JustMeHere:<BR><B>There's an old saying, "If you love something, set it free, if it comes back, it's yours. IF not, it never was."<P>The last thing that you can do is force your h to love you and want to stay together. It is us to you to convince him that to lose you would be the biggest mistake of his life. But you won't do that until by begging or pleading with him, you must show him. <P>But remember, you deserve his love and you do NOT deserve the way that he is treating you. But since you can't change him, you will have to be strong and take care of yourself and try to make changes in yourself. When he disrespects you, he needs to know that. If he doesn't care, then you need to let him know that you are not going to be treated like that.<P>I have a feeling he truly doesn't want to leave you but has somehow lost his respect for you. Maybe you can initiate a conversation to find out exactly what the problem is.<P>JMH</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR>..that was incredibly put, i am in a very similar situation but i am a guy and this is how my wife always acts and treats me also and some one i know has been saying exactly what you are saying to her, but the only thing is , its a lot easier said then done, when we are going through this,its not that easy to just worry about ourselves and forget about our spouses, i like your points and thoughts but until your there yourself its hard to totally understand