thanks philip for replying to my post you were not hard on me at all when i tried to kill my self the 2 times it was with a knife not a gun.when i said i admitted my faults they were not showing no love for her and not paying her any attention.and basically not being a good husband.but everytime we talk or see each other its like she always tries to start **** with me.she always wants to fight about something.i ask her why but i get no answer.when i ask her if she wants to go to counsiling with me she says no.so i guess this is the end of the marriage right?i try to be a good person but it seems like she is not having it.she don't want me to be at least thats how i feel.i know i am selfish but i didn't know how much i loved her til she was gone.i really do miss her alot.i am scared of being alone.my friends say it takes time but i just can't wait that long i guess.and i don't think that i am going to kill myself because i wasn't thinking about my kids.they really need me right now.i just wish that she would listen to what i have to say.all her friends have basically told her to have this **** mike and his feelings attitude.i don't even know the friends that she has now and they don't know me.they have no reason for judgeing me.it really hurts me when i hear of what people have to say about me they don't know me so why talk **** about me u know.i just wish i could wake up from this nightmare and everything would be ok.<BR> so again philip u were not hard on me u were just telling the facts.you have really helped me open my eyes and face reality.<BR> thanks again for replying,<BR> mike