My h and I've been marrying for 4 yrs, and have been having problems, esp. during the first few months when we live together. I admit that I have some anger problems, as well as sex. I have been seeing a counsellor, and working very hard for the marraige. I have made a big progress too. However, he doesn't want to have any counselling. He said now there's nothing that I can do. He said he wants some space from me, and trys to think about our marraige. My h wants to have a trial separation. What should I do? Any thoughts?

Hey this hits home bigtime, so I'm not too quick to respond. I've passed by this a few times but just didnt' think I'd be of much help being that this is a similarly, huge problem in my life. I'm in the position of your hubby. i've hit the end of my patience. I no longer desire to put forth as much effort as I did in the past. You see, I like almost all men do, have come to a point where I question myself,"Is this worth it? Is my spouse a helpmate or an obstacle?" It seems simple enough. If the obstacle is true then I'm faced with: do I want to continue the rest of my life like this because the over time the anger inside developes into rage. Now that's hard to deal with especially being peppered with the lack of sacks+U+L fullfillment. If my wife efforts are obvious that would be a start. Then if she would just meet me half way with affection and intimacy.... I'd have to stay and work it out. Cause there's no way a person will leave if they care. But back to the SF....you're gonna have to meet him there. unless he's a flake there's no reason why you should not attempt to get him all hot n bothered. He'll respond to it as I know I would.

Thanks for your sharing, numbingeffect. At least I know what he might have thought. All i can do now is to leave him a lot of space. At the same time I am working hard on my anger problem. Well, if he is numb to my hardworking and my willing to save the marraige, it's just his problem. I don't know what else i can do. <p>[This message has been edited by juss890 (edited July 19, 2001).]

Let me post an update of the situation now. From talking to my h, I found out that he doesn't like to call me from work when he's coming home. He doesn't like to care how I feel. He doesn't want to tell me what he is going to do. He thinks these are burden. So I have been given him lots of space, including telling him he can have some days in a week that he can be on his own, without caring about me. He said he feels better this way. Hopefully I can now satisfy his needs. On the other hand, I am not sure what I am doing is in the right direction....<P><BR>

Maybe he could just call if he's going to be really late? That way he doesn't have to call all the time. But if he truly doesn't want to know how you feel, and doesn't care, I wouldn't have much hope for this working. And you do have some right to know his plans, especially if they affect you!<P><P>------------------<BR>When we walk to the edge of all the light we have, and take that step into the darkness of the unknown, we must believe that one of two things will happen - there will be something there for us to stand on, or God will teach us how to fly.