When i get mad with her, I prefer to stay away for a couple of days until I cool off. she insists that I stay close, but I don't want to lose my temper around her and say something out of anger that might cause damage.<BR>what can I do to balance our needs?

First, you need to explain to her (if you haven't already) the reason why you feel you need to withdraw. Include positives. Example: "I want to explain why I feel the need to stay away when I get angry at you. I am afraid that I will lose my temper and hurt you, and this really scares me because I love you so much and would never want to do that."<P>That will assure her that your withdrawing is not because you don't love her.<P>Next listen to what she says and respond with empathy to her feelings on the matter.<P>Next you can brainstorm ideas, for example, when you get angry, both of you agree not to talk about the subject for a while, but still you will go out for a walk together, play tennis, talk about something else, tell jokes, pray, etc. (you get the idea). You could do some other activity together that would disengage you from the conflict but still keep you together in some other positive way.<P>(Some of the above is based on Relationship Enhancement, which I teach in San Diego. If you'd like to learn more about that, write me.)<P>Best wishes,<BR>empathic@onebox.com

You are very wise in the way you are reacting and more men should have that kind of stepping back instead of doing<BR>damage like most do<P>You need to talk to a professional counsellor about your feelings of anger as they seem very intense and deep and your counsellor will help you to not have to remove yourself from her totally as you will be taught how to show her in what way she is making you angry and teach her how to not pull your strings of anger that blow up inside you like a balloon so much that you have to get away from her<P>It is a danger warning when you have to go away from her as it is showing that you cannot bear her presence <P>Let a professional minister or counsellor counsel you both on this issue<P>It might result one day in a permanent seperation as it sounds like the conversational techniques between you need some attention<P>Read the conversational techniques in this <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com" TARGET=_blank>www.marriagebuilders.com</A> site that will teach<BR>you both on how to converse without using love<BR>busters<P>All relationships take hard work but the rewards are also there later to reap

I do commend you on your bravery of admitting what you do and for walking away so you dont hurt her! Although it is not good that you are staying away for so long. Might want to go to counseling to work out soem of your anger. When you get angry, try to tell your wife, right when you are gettting the "feeling of anger."Tell her I am getting mad, we need to take a time-out. BEFORE YOU GET SO ANGRY where you feel you will burst. Agree on a time when you will return and make sure to talk it out. I have anger problems myself, I wish I could not take it out like you are. I am the opposite, and have done much damage. Try doing what the other people have said, GOOD LUCK!<P>sweeteeyore