I am a 25 year old mom of two small children and have been married for 6 years. I will just get to the point. My husband and I have been argueing alot lately and I know he has been miserable as well as myself but I am a firm believer in a marriage and refuse to let the evil one get the best of my marriage. My husband has always been a very bussy person he is consistently doing something fishing, working, playing ball, etc. I am okay with all of that stuff I just want him to spend time with me and the children as well. We have had a really rough year with it seems as if one thing after the other. We had our secound child, he wanted to put house on the market because it was just to small. We have the stess of getting out of the military and finding a job and it just goes on. My husband and I have an agreement that he can go out one night a week. He accepted a night shift job wich puts him working Mon-Thur and then he takes his night out on Friday. This all started the last few months and I feel neglected. I in turn argue and complain and just feel missurable because I am not getting much attention and he is staying out all hours in the night. I hate it! This has made me feel extremely insecure and it has now come down to, Him not knowing what he feels. he staights that we argue all the time ,we can not possible get along and he decided he needs time to think about things. Well ,he left Sun night to stay with his sister. He has come home everyday and spent some time with the children but he does not want to talk to me about the situation . He is pretty strong against talking to anyone. I have been praying that the Lord will soften his hard and bring him back to me but I am so scared of the outcome. He says words like he doesn't understand what he is feeling but when he is with me he is unhappy. I am devistated over this. I Love my husband and I know that I have wronged him and disrespected him many times. I react and say terrible things out of hurt. I feel like he loves me and our family but I feel like I have "broke him "so to speak. I think I have hurt him with terrible words like stuped, and I desirve better and things like that. I know that we can restore our marriage but he has to be willing to do that. What should I do and how should I get my husband back? He says to others that he is just taking time and he does not consider us seperated. In the mean time I am left to think,pray and wonder when He will decide what he wants. When is to long? This is my life! I know that God can work in his life I believe that God has been for some time by putting one trial after the other. Well Lord I hear you! I have given this all to the Lord I just im looking for words of advice. <p>[This message has been edited by gibsongirl (edited July 26, 2001).]

Try the Surrendered Wife book. I won't say it say saved my marriage, but it was a good start. Any very practical with lots of "how-to" advice. It is not a return to the fifties ideal of motherhood and apple-pie and valium.<P>My husband actually started spending more time with me. <P>Now, I don't want to scare you, but do you know for sure he is staying with his sister? You may want to read up on the infidelity section of this web site. The best part is even if he is having an affair, this site offers hope for the marriage. Good luck.

Gibsongirl Welcome!!!<P>I would urge you to read the web site and go into the forum just found out there are many welcome messages!!<P>read as much as you can about Plan A. Basically acting the way a spouse should act. <P>You cannot "get" him back, but you can try to restore the love you have. Harley has many articles on these subjects.<BR>Read Read Read and post!<P><BR>Greengables Welcome to you to!! Have you read the site??? The book you mentioned is a highly praised book. But remember this is a Marriage Builders forum. <P>Like I said it is a good book, nothing wrong with mentioning it!!

Dear SuzzieQ-<BR>I've read the entire web site, I think... It took several days! I've also gotten a few of Dr. Harley's books and am working with Steve. <P>I could have pitched Lovebusters. I guess that would have been more appropriate. But Surrendered Wife is very strong on the "we're not doing this to change him." I personally need that aspect and the verbatims.<P>Thanks