This is my first post in any forum, but I am glad that I found this site because I need any and all the help that I can get!<BR>My husband(25) and I(24) have been married for almost 2 years and about 5 months ago, everything started to unravel. Up to that point our marriage was healthy for the most part. We had fun together, we talked and generally enjoyed each other's company. There was, however, a feeling in me that my husband was not as tender or passionate as I guess I expected him to be. I started to feel like we had been married for 50 years rather than only a year and a half. Despite claiming to be so in love and happy with me, he often slept on the couch, and never initiated any kind of physical intimacy. I tried to talk to him about it, but he denied that anything was wrong. Even though the marriage was sailing smoothly despite this, I took action and tried to be as "untender" to him as he was to me, and I take full responsibility for starting the downward spiral. <BR>But now, if we talk at all, it is a miracle. I work 9-5pm and my husband works 5-11:30pm, and some days I don't even see him, let alone talk to him. I am VERY scared about our future, and I have made several attempts recently to talk to him about things, but he is unresponsive. I have suggested counseling and he has shot that down as well. And most recently I caught him chatting with women, about our problems on the internet. (at 5am no less!!)<BR>I don't know why he will refuse to talk to me about our problems, and refuse talking to a professional about our problems, but he will talk to women on the internet about our problems!!!<BR>HELP!! I don't know what to do.

(I was waiting for someone more experienced on this site to post a reply, but I'll give it a try.)<P>Running into a wall 2 years after marriage is pretty typical. Why? That's when both persons in the relationship are going from the idealized, "he/she's so perfect" stage to the "I have needs too!" stage.<P>What has complicated this is the fact that you are not spending time together. If you read the Basic Concepts section on this site, you will learn that it's very important for you to spend at least 15 hours a week giving each other your undivided attention. This allows you to fill each other's emotional needs which is why you fell in love and got married in the first place. You need the time together to sustain this.<P>When you discuss this with your mate, express what you are feeling subjectively honestly and openly. Do not attack, accuse or criticize. Include positive expressions in your statements. Example: "I really love you and enjoy talking with you. I remember how we used to do this and really felt close to you. Now I am feeling alone and isolated and feel that we're drifting apart. I want to know how you feel about this." Then listen carefully to what he says and try to say it back to him empathically.<P>(The above paragraph is a simplified version of Relationship Enhancement, which I teach in San Diego. If you want more info on that, write me.)<P>I strongly suggest you read the excellent material on this site and try to apply it to your situation.<P>Regards,<BR>empathic@onebox.com

Your husband is not matured enough to be in a relationship with you and so is using a back door like women on internet and so on <P>Invite a minister around for an interview without asking him<P>Just do it<P>And the minister can ask him some questions as he must be accountable for his actions<P>He cannot carry on like a little teenager<P>He must grow up and meet your needs or get out