me and my husband have been married three years , he is on meds, for anger (he's abusive). he has a borderline personality disorder, there is no romance at all , the only physcial touch we have is when he wants sex. and that isnt offent . i feel unattractive and lonly I feel as though he hates me. never says anything nice , always puts me down. and then says he doesnt mean to and that he cant help it. or the most popular thing is that he says he that he way just joking and i need to learn to take a joke . but when i get feed up with it i leaveand that usually after he hits me. he says he cant live with out me and that he is going to change , will he ever ? can he? or am i just going in circles for the rest of our marriage life. can our marriage be saved even when he doesnt think there is a problem? also ( been married three years had three physical fights ) does it get better , <p>[This message has been edited by hoplessnlife (edited September 02, 2001).]

Dear Hopeless you need to increase your self esteem. Your H is definetely abusive. My own H is a verbal abuser. He would make jokes at my expense and when i didn't think it was funny say i didn't have a sense a humor. It is important for people who are in our position to love ourselves more. If we love ourselves we know that we do not deserve to be treated disrespectfully and will not ALLOW it. I used to always think i had a healthy self-esteem but it was being worn away by my H and his criticism. By educating myself on abuse i became more aware and realized that i was right to feel the way i was feeling and it wasn't my "imagination" and/or my "fault" for anything that happened. This lead to me making limits on my H that i had to stick to so he would take me seriously. <BR>Your situation is slightly different than mine because your H has hit you several times. The first time your H hit you you should have left. No one no matter what the circumstances deserves to be hit regardless of all the apologies that come after. If your H ever apologized the first time and meant it he would never have hit you a 2nd and 3rd time etc. I feel that you need to leave your H and seek couseling or educate yourself more about abusive behavior. I know this is easier said than done and you may not have the resources to leave your H. Just start by educating yourself and distancing yourself from your H and observing him.

Please leave him before you have kids! <BR>If he doesn't think anything's wrong and acts innocent, tell him exactly the behaviors you won't accept and when next he does it, just call quits.<BR>Cucu<P>------------------<BR>What a fool throws into the sea,<BR>A thousand wise men could not bring back <P>--- Proverb From the Island of Cyprus<BR>http://www.aiculator.com