I have been married almost 10 years. For most of our marriage my husband has been controlling: friends, going anywhere, tv, magazines, etc. He makes me feel guilty for doing things with my girlfriends. I have recently began to open up and do more things, considering I am tired of having everything I do be something he has to approve of. Anyways, I went out with my girlfriends from work for the second time. Yes we went to a bar, played pool and drank a little, he was very upset, and told me if I do that again, I may as well pack my bags. He says, I should not go to places like that because that is not what he does or believes in. He doesnt like my job because they do things together after work on occasion. Now this seems pretty trivial, but this is after almost 10 years of him being upset if I watch a tv program, or talk on the phone too long with a friend, or look at a Glamour magazine. He believes that he has the say in what I do for everything. I have not been able (yes I have to have permission) to do much because he does not want me to do anything. what do i do? Do I let him always tell me where and who i can see (meaning girls)...there is so much to this you would not believe. I mean I have lost so much respect for him as well as love. I dont know if our marriage can be saved or not. Help me please. Am I wrong to want to do things that does not always include him? Am I supposed to let him tell me what I can and can not do? Do I let him give me ultimatums, and give in because I am afraid to be alone. I am really screwed up!

Hi NB,<P>I read your post with interest and thought about my own marriage. Does H, really tell you no or ridicule into feeling guilty, so that you don't want to go? My H, has never really came right out and told me that I couldn't do something, but has always made me feel insignificant about the choice I was making. I really don't have any friends, because years ago he gave me such a hard time when I wanted to go out and party, that I decided it was easier not to have friends, then to listen to his grief. Now I am bashed for not having any friends. I to have a husband who battles for ultimate control and wants to be the boss. Not sure where we are heading, but I just wanted you to know that I feel your pain.<P>r

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I hate to be pessimistic, but I feel obligated to give my opinion that your chances of saving your marriage are dim at best. You are suffering verbal and emotional abuse. His treatment of you is deplorable. I've read plenty on the subject, and most sources say abusers rarely change. You, on the other hand, can make tremendous changes that will lead to a better life. MB is a great place for saving marriages. A better place for you might be the forum at verbalabuse.com. You can learn how to save yourself there.

As to going out with the girls to a bar, let alone a "few drinks" and pool, you are playing with fire. Opening a door for a "new friend".<P>If I were your husband I would be upset because of this.<P>From your post I would suggest that you really read the web site articles about relationships and how to develope them. You seem to be on a downhill slope, as well as your husband.<P>The warning signs are throughout your post regarding you and your husbands ideas of marriage and relationships.<P>Please seek help immendiatley.