my husband & I have alot of conflict going on, however, here is our current,most predominent one,one of us believes it is fine to keep "secrets" w/ friends,etc. & not tell e/o about these "secrets"...the other one believes it is not fine to do this,& should tell e/o everything....in other words if a friend comes to me & says I want to tell you something in confidence,I would then make it clear to the friend ,that I share everything w/ my spouse & then leave it up to the friend weather or not they still want to share...any votes? should we share all w/ our spouses or have some privacy ???<p>[ October 25, 2001: Message edited by: Esta ]<p>[ October 26, 2001: Message edited by: Esta ]</p>

I would say that it depends what it is they are telling you....there are some things I never would have shared with H, others I would quite freely. But I also said to friends that I share things with H...so if they told me stuff, they knew that.<p>On the other hand, he was told some really mundane, general knowledge stuff frequently, and wouldn't tell me. We would be a group, and someone would say something, and I wouldn't know what they were talking about. EVERY time he'd say, in front of this group "Yeah, I TOLD you about that!" NO, he didn't. Geez that used to bug me!!!

Esta, I know how you feel. I used to feel that I didn't have to share my friends "secrets" with my husband. There is alot of things to consider in this situation. Like can your husband keep your confidences? Some husbands can offer wonderful advice that you can share with your friend. But some husbands end up telling their friends and it gets back to that person. But you also don't want to keep secrets from your husband. There are men who think if you keep secrets about friends, then what else are you hiding? Just be honest with him and tell him this was shared in confidence and you would appreciate any input he has (if any). But don't keep things from your husband. I know from experience with my first marriage. Secrets destroy marriages whether they start out small or not. Just be honest with your friends and your husband and pray about your situation and have an open and honest discussion with your husband about his feelings on sharing everything and you may be surprised at his reaction. I hope everything works out for you!

Esta-
I don't think there is anything wrong with keeping confidential things confidential. I know that if I went to a friend with something I wanted only her to know, I wouldn't appreciate her sharing it with her spouse. Your spouse can be your best friend, but there are things that we don't even share with our best friends. If you feel you need to share confidential things with your husband, I think your idea on telling your friend that you have to tell your husband is a good idea.