Hi,
I'm going to try to make this brief as I'm at work, but I'm desperate for a solution to a trivial problem that keeps coming up! Here goes:
It makes me unconfortable to watch nudity in movies with my husband. We are going to rent a movie where there will be a scene in it that I don't want him to see because like I mentioned before, it just makes me unconfortable to sit there while he looks at some woman naked. He says it's no big deal to him so then I said that we can watch the movie and skip that scene since what he really cares about supposedly is watching the movie, not the nude scene. But he says that he shouldn't have to look away. Anyway, we tried to negotiate this and he said that he would watch some of this, and then look away if I wanted him too. It bothers me still because it still shows me that he must watch at least some of this scene and that to me means that he does care about watching nudity when he says he doesn't. We keep having this situation with movies and I just wish he would respect the fact that I don't like it but it's very difficult to negotiate this with him. I feel like I have to sit through something that makes me unhappy just so he can see a naked scene. And going halfway is something I will do, but I still feel it's a selfish thing for him to do if he knows it bothers me. We have a lot of trivial problems like these but they always get blown up to the point where I have considered splitting up becuase we are so different in these aspects. I'm more conservative I guess and he's more liberal.
Please help with any suggestions about this particular issue and I apologize if I rambled on.
Thanks in advance!
Alejandra

Believe it or not....I suffer from the same thing with my wife...when we are watching a movie or something that has nudity in it...I will get extremely uncomfortable.....In my case, it is because I am afraid I will get turned on or something....<p>
Why do you get uncomfortable? Is is a religious thing? Way you were brought up? Just don't like to see people with no clothes on....????<p>
For me...shhhhh....don't tell my wife...I always have to 'go to the bathroom' or 'get a drink of water' or something just about the time that the scene happens....<p>I know that my wife wants me, not the guy on the screen....yeah, it is an irrational fear....But I still feel it.

Hi Freddy,<p>See, what you said is one of the things I'm afaid of. It would make me feel terrible if my husband got turned on. Does that happen to all men?<p>It's not exactly a religious thing, it's just that I feel he's liking her body more than mine perhaps. Not that I think I have a bad body, I'm in pretty good shape, but I still feel that he may like her body more or something.
And, how do you know that your wife wants you and not the guy on the sceen as well?...<p>I wish my hubby would step out during the scene instead of me having to see it with him! At least you leave during that!<p>If anyone has any more opinions, please feel free to comment on how I can resolve this
Thanks [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
Alejandra

I also am extremely uncomfortable watching any kind of nudity with my husband, and always have been. Part of it is a fear that he will be more attracted to the naked woman on the screen than he is to me, and that the image of that woman will remain with him, in his fantasies and when we have sex. But another part of my discomfort is that my husband recently admitted to having a problem with pornography, stemming from his early childhood. I know different people have different views of pornography, but we are Christian, and the Bible makes it very clear that to look at a woman lustfully is to commit adultery (pretty strong statement, but it comes from Jesus, not me). Beyond that, his pornography use almost destroyed our marriage for several reasons. First, because he lied about his pornography use and tried to conceal it from me, he destroyed the trust in our marriage and developed habits of dishonesty. Second, because he was fulfilling his SN through pornography and masturbation, he had very little interest in sex. Even though I am a woman, SN are high on my list of needs, and as a result of his lack of interest, I felt rejected.<p>As for solutions, I recommend reading the book Every Man's Battle and, if your husband will agree, he should read it too. It really helps understand the risks involved in pornography - including nude scenes in R-rated movies. And, for the male readers, it gives very practical advice on how to overcome the temptation of pornography. My husband read the book and is learning to avert his eyes. And we have jointly decided that we just don't feel comfortable renting certain movies anymore.<p>Hope this helps. Best of luck to you.

Alejandra,<p>What I'm hearing is not that you have a problem with the movie but that you have a problem with you! And I suffer from the same problem. I don't want my H looking at young, firm nude women because I fear he will then look at me and be repulsed. I don't give it much thought generally but I don't even like him watching baywatch because I know that I don't 'measure up' to the accepted standard of beauty.<p>here..take this big old glass of 'I'm a beautiful woman' and drink it down...besides, my h couldn't get one of those actresses if he paid her!

Alexjandra,<p>First, have you even been with a man that left you feeling cheated because of pornography? Perhaps someone that liked to attend "gentlemen's clubs" a bit too often? To me, to feel uncomfortable while viewing a rated R movie with my wife doesn't make sense... <p>Perhaps it's more common than I believe, based on the other posts?<p>When you make love to your husband, is it always with the lights out, in the dark, under the covers? Are you comfortable with yourself?<p>The reality of the situation is - and this applies to all of you people who are uncomfortable around nudity and sexuality - the world is FULL of sexuality! It's on the TV, it's on the internet, and we have it put in our lives everyday. Unless you join a convent and never venture outdoors, you're going to be subjected to it to some degree.<p>
As a man, seeing a beautiful woman naked can promote sexual feelings or thoughts. I know that the bible teaches us not to look with lusty eyes after other wives/women and there is a reason for this, but on a biological level men are programmed to be attracted to women (in most cases). It was God who made us like this.<p>I consider it natural to be attracted to members of the opposite sex, especially when they have beautiful bodies that are displayed in a provocative manner. If we weren't attracted like this, then the biological impluse to reproduce would be absent...<p>I'm Christian, my wife is Christian. A solid base in Christianity is doing a lot to save our marriage. As a Christian, I'm also a realist. I'm not going to beat myself up over a "feeling" toward a busy billboard model. We CAN NOT control our "feelings" - but we can control our thoughts and actions. A billboard model does not make me less drawn to my wife (it probably makes me more interested), nor does it make me want to go out and have an affair.<p>I'm 6'1" and I have an attractive wife. She doesn't compare to the 6', 120lb models that were just on the Victoria's Secret fasion show (non-cable TV). (I didn't watch the show, but I have seen the advertisements). My wife doesn't think that I expect her to look like one of those women and she's not embarrased about seeing a naked woman on TV.<p>My wife is a doctor and see sees men nude on a regular basis. She has probably seen more penis's than I even will.. I'm not particularly bothered by this fact.<p>I look at it this way: It's natural to find attractive women attractive! It does NOT take way from my attraction to my wife, it adds to it. I have seen rated R movies, they don't make me want to imagine myself making love to a different woman, but if they do stir a desire in me, then that desire can be directed toward the woman that I love.<p>I'd suggest that perhaps you are a little bit insecure with yourself. That insecurity shouldn't result in unreasonable restrictions being put on your husband. Now perhaps your husband has a hand in your insecurity and needs to take some time to let you know that you are attractive and that he thinks you are beautiful, but making asking your husband to avert his eyes during a movie? There are so many more important things in a relationship - focus on those...<p>Perhaps you should sit down and talk with your husband about how a nude scene in a movie makes you feel and why you feel that way. I don't think the correct solution is to avoid provocative situations in movies simply because such advertisement is everywhere in American society...<p>Take this with a grain of salt too - My wife loves movies that provide situational erotic and romantic stimulation.. It's not visual nudity that appeals to her, but it's the thought of romantic situations that do lead to romantic feelings. As a Christian, I don't think it's wrong to share this type of experience with my wife. Perhaps I'm liberal?! I'm not talking about pornography, as I definately see that as addicting to many men and providing a lifestyle that is not positive for the women involved in it.<p>
Don't be upset with your husband if he is turned on by beautiful women as long as he is honest about his feelings to you. I'd be worried about it if he stopped being attacted to you and started seeking nudity by himself. If you are accepting of this biological draw, he's much more likely not to feel ashamed about it (as it is quite natural). As a Christian, if you disagree with nudity and nudity in movies you can avoid those situations as you don't feel they are right for you. Just accept the reality of biology, temper it with good judgement and what works for you in your relationship...

Alejandra,<p>It seems to me that you should try and figure out what bothers you about your husband and you watching nudity within a movie. You mentioned in your discussion with FreddyB that you may feel that your husband will be turned on by the woman in the movie. I would suggest that you and your husband talk about what it is that he likes about seeing nudity in movies and you discuss what bothers you about it.<p>My husband and I have issues about sex as well. He thinks I am way too conservative - I think he used the word prude before. But when I thought about it (and prayed about it too) I discovered that it is an issue that I have about my own body (I am overweight). I know that if I were happier with my body, I would be less threatened by watching movies with nudity. Once I realized that there really was an issue with me, and that watching the movie with nudity in it, for my husband was really about being turned on (a guy thing, it seems) and that he had every attention of using that "turned on feeling" by making love with me, I became less threatened. I am still dealing with my discomfort with my body (by working out and eating healthy), but I am also trying to be more open to doing more with my husband sexually.<p>Hope this helps. Just look inward and then try and brainstorm a solution. Ask your husband to help. You shouldn't have to feel like you are sacrificing - that isn't compromise. The best negotiation is one where both people view it as a "win". <p>Good luck!

Darin,
Actually, no, I haven't been cheated on thank God. The otehr question, we actually make love with the lights on most of the time. No covers and yes I'm very comfotable with the way I look. I'm 26, no kids and have a pretty good body, I think at least!I guess I shouldn't feel bothered but I don't like my husband seeing anyone else nude but me. The way I think, that's what he has me for! I don't feel a desire to see other men naked. Maybe I would if I didn't have a partner but otherwise., I don't see why married guys would care about seeing other women unless they aren't satisfied with their sex life and I know he is satisfied [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]
What do you mean that "As a man, seeing a beautiful woman naked can promote sexual feelings or thoughts"? Is this common in all men? I thought they just enjoyed the view but I had no idea they got excited by it also! I think that's a bit extreme unless like I mentioned before you haven't had a very active sex life...at least my husband tells me it takes much more for him to get excited then just seeing nudity. As for "I'm not going to beat myself up over a "feeling" toward a busy billboard model."--- I'm curious to know if all men get "excited" if they see an attactive woman also. That would mean that men everywhere would constantly be turned on even in public eveytime they saw a nice body. Is this the case? Are men animals without control? I hope not!
In married men's case, I would think that they have been with enough women throughout their lives that they would be over that kind of stuff by the time they settle down. Sort of "been there, done that" mind set. Once you marry, it's ususally because you're done checking out, much less getting "turned on" by other women. It's one thing to see and think it's something nice to look at of course and I agree with you on that point, but it's another to lust after every attractive women out there. That's wrong in my view and is almost like cheating with your mind.
I have to go now and I really appreciate your input. Please let me know if I understood you response correctly reagrding men getting constantly "turned on" evrytime they see a naked girl or a attractive model,etc.
Sorry about my spelling, but I'm in a rush.
Talk later,
thanks!!

I understand that it is natural for men to be attracted to women. I also understand that nudity in r-rated movies may not be a problem for some men. But for others it can be. Darin may not fantasize about having sex with the naked women he sees in movies, etc., but some men do. And for some men, this CAN seriously detract from their sexual relationship with their spouse.<p>After having a problem with pornography, my husband chooses to avert his eyes. I did not ask him to do so, although nudity in movies has always made me uncomfortable. Even if your husband does not have a problem with nudity, if you are this uncomfortable about it, he should be want to respect your feelings.

Just a point of info;<p>According to everything that I have read...some very scientific and some not so..<p>Men are indeed more of a visual stimulated being while women are more of the intellectual/emotional stimulated type.<p>Which in the case of the discussion here would indicate that your H is indeed stimulated by what he 'sees' while you don't seem to understand that. You need the deeper, emotional connection, which your H may not understand.....

Hi Freddy,
Are you saying that all men are this way Because my husband admits that it's nice to look at scenes like that (it doesn't hurt his eyes he says), but it takes more than a scene for him to get excited. Should I assume he is lying to me about this? I would think if anything he wouldn't want to see the movie with me for fear of getting turned on by it in front of me and then getting me mad about it! What do you think?
I would like some other opinions of any married men out there regarding this issue. It's been bothering me for a long time and I just want to know how much of a big deal it is to men to see nudity in a movie.
BTW, my husband was never much into strip clubs or porn or anything like that. He admits that when he was a bachelor he went a couple of times to strip clubs and watched porn sometimes when he was lonely,etc. But I guess that's common if you don't have anyone. But he says he doesn't care about that now that he has me, although he says that if we had no sex life, then he probably would end up doing stuff like that but he says he would let me know if he felt we weren't making love enough so we could do something about it.
So, I feel I should take his word but I hear so many different things all the time on how men are that I don't know what to think.
Basically, his arguement is that he doesn't want to be treated like a kid if he's seen R movies all his life and no one else ever had a problem with it.So our compromise is that he would look and then I would tell him when to look away. That way he won't feel like he's being totally censored and I will feel like it's not so important to him. But this compromise still makes me feel uncomfortable becuase to me it's like it's still important for him to see some of this scene at least, although he says it's only so he doesn't feel totally censored by me. I think that's an excuse to see the scene but what do you guys and girls think? To me, if I noticed it wasn't that important to him, then I wouldn't even care if we saw nudity. But the fact that we argue about it makes me think that it's important to him. And he says that I make it important by making a big deal out of it. So it's like we go in circles with this.It's important for me to see how married guys view this issue and if this is the best option for compromise. Is he fooling me? are all married men really that obsessed with seeing skin? Sorry I rambled so much and please feel free to give me your opinions on how I can resolve this and what you married men that are in LOVE with your wives really think about nudity in movies. I've never done this forum thing beofre but it really seems to help to tell someone else my problems and get advice from others!
Thanks for your feedback so far and Please get back to me married people!!!
Alex

To answer your question, I never get "excited" from looking at pictures. To me, it's just not real enough. I'm trying to express that I do find attactive women just that - attractive! There's no "physical" excitation, although I do understand that some men are physically turned on by things like this.<p>I can remember being 15 or so and being physically stimulated by photos, nude scenes, etc. It was quite embarassing actually! I guess that's part of why teenage years are considered awkward.<p>I'm also trying to express to you that finding nude women attractive is perfectly NORMAL for the male species. It doesn't mean that your husband doesn't love you, does it doesn't mean that your husband is unhappy with your body, and it doesn't mean that your husband is unhappy with his sex life! (Guys, give me some sort of support here, so I'm not the only pervert)<p>Maybe R-rated movies and nudity is a bad idea all together for men who have a history of "problems" with pornography and nudity. I will admit that.<p>
For a wife with a husband without a history of sexual issues surround nudity, I'm suggesting that perhaps this shouldn't be a huge issue and you look deeper into yourself to find the true causes of why this is a problem for you. Most problems have a "core" cause and I'm suspecting that there is more to this problem....

I will be honest here....I do get turned on by pictures and evocative scences in movies....I love looking at the Victoria's Secret Catalog....I have a subscription to Playboy...does this make me want my wife any less....NO.<p>I have never been in to strip clubs of nudy joints...never saw the need. I have never paid for sex.<p>I do enjoy looking at beautiful women though.<p>Are there men out there who are unaffected...sure. They are in the minority I would think.<p>Your husband is normal. So you lay in bed watching a movie and he gets a 'tent'....it will go away and he is still with you....<p>I just noticed that you asked if all men were this way...no, of course not, but a substantial enough percentage that it can't be ignored...<p>Just my thoughts..<p>[ January 06, 2002: Message edited by: freddyb ]</p>

I am trying to see what the problem is here.<p>You say that you have a good body. He says he wants only you and it has been said that this is a normal response in a man....so what is wrong here?<p>A movie is a fantasy. A fantasy is make believe, not real. So a woman takes her clothes off on the TV screen...soooooo. So the girl took her clothes off on Titanic....I thought it was tastefully done. I didn't get aroused because that wasnot the intention of the nudity.....<p>We in this country are so out of touch with our own bodies...we are taught that they are something to be ashamed of.....<p>That is too bad.

I think we all understand that this is fantasy, not real. But some of us are very uncomfortable with the idea of our spouses fantasizing about having sex with other people.

I hate to say it but I have been in your shoes and have overcome the problem, it takes a look inside and admitting that you are insecure. See your husband too, for the man he is....no where near the actress in the show and probably not desireable to as many other women as you may think. He is your husband, if he finds another women attractive than that only proves that he is normal, human, alive, etc...
Know that you are everything he wants and loves and if this is not a reality then that may be where the insecurity comes from.
I secure in herself woman is oh so very attractive to a man, not many men are attracted to ugly insecurties, they are a turn off.
Appreciate a beautiful body, I look at women as beautiful instead of a threat to me or competion, and there goes the insecure feelings.

Alej:<p>Just wanted to see how things were going?

I thank everyone for their responses and it really helped me to read the male's responses(Dell, Darin, Freddy) which were mostly that of course it's nice to see a beautiful body, but that doesn't mean you get physically aroused by it, thank God! Except for certain guys but I think that's not my case although I haven't tested it, but my husband had once said the same thing Darin said regarding that getting aroused just by seeing someone only happened when he was a teen, which I do see normal anyway.
Also, I don't think that ONLY the MINORITY of men are unaffected physically by pics and scenes in movies. At least I hope not! Is this true ATTACHED guys? I understand the teenage boys of course. But regarding adults and I would think that it takes more than a scene to get someone aroused if they are happily married and in love and getting enough of course...right guys or wrong? I would like to think that my hubby is satisfied enough that watching nude scenes won't get his "tent" up as you said.
I'm rambling and have to go anyway for now but we'll talk later. I'd never done this kind of forum stuff before but it really helps! You're all a great help!
get back to me gentlemen...

Hey look everyone likes to look. Even you probably. While it may be uncomfortable, denying nature or covering up feelings might be worse. Why not just discuss what you see on TV. Not better or worse. You may have a self-confidence issue working here. Also, maybe give your husband more credit. Even if the person has 1% less bodyfat than you maybe he's not that shallow and realizes the complete package that he has in you. If a naked person on the TV breaks up your marriage than I'd say it wasn't very good to begin with.<p>My harsh 2 cents,
Jack

Hey look everyone likes to look. Even you probably. While it may be uncomfortable, denying nature or covering up feelings might be worse. Why not just discuss what you see on TV. Not better or worse. You may have a self-confidence issue working here. Also, maybe give your husband more credit. Even if the person has 1% less bodyfat than you maybe he's not that shallow and realizes the complete package that he has in you. If a naked person on the TV breaks up your marriage than I'd say it wasn't very good to begin with.<p>My harsh 2 cents,
Jack