I am new to this site. I hope and pray I can get some help here. Here is the problem:
I married dh when I was 18. I had a bad home situation and was a sinle mom to one little girl. Dh is 10 years older than I and he offered alot of support, love and understanding I had never known before also he was anxious to adopt my daughter and I saw he would make a wonderful father for her, something I was never afforded. we married only three months after first knowing eachother. At the time we married he was fininshing his masters degree, and I was aware that he was in the Air Force and would become a commisioned officer. He told me that traveling/moving came with the military, and I accepted it.<p>I with his help cut all ties with my family, and for the first time in my life I moved away from "home". We lived a couple of years in the states, then we got stationed in Iceland. By this time I was pregnant with our thrid child. and had began to mend ties with my family (though, he has never been very supportive of it).
I prided myself in taking what I call the traditional role, of housewife, and felt I have always been very good at it. I love my children and have loved being able to be with them. While in Iceland I became very depressed. his job was very demanding and I was very isolated, I had no friends and was longing to be close to my mother and sister. The phone bill each month grew larger, he grew angrier over that, and I grew more resentful.<p>After a year and a half in Iceland I broke down, I told him I could not take it anylonger, and I was moving back home. He made up to me, and promised that in 6 months (when Iour tour there was finished), we would move back to the states, so I could be more in contact with my family. I accepted this. Then when it came time to get ready to leave, he threw me a great curve. Said he decided we were going to Lima, Peru. He thought it would be good not only for his carrer but for us and the children as well. I thought I was going to die, I sobbed for days, but accepted that as a house wife, I should respect his decsions, afterall I kept thinking he is a good man, a good father and a good husband (b/c he doesn't get drunk, use drugs or hit me, heck he doesn't even raise his voice, and he is great with the kids).<p>So here we are. It agai, has been devestating to me being over here. once again I am isolated, no one to talk with, and I just had our fourth baby. I miss my family so much, and I feel that I need to be closer. Our phone bill last month was $800.00. So he tells me (about three weeks ago), after again a literal breakdown on my part, after our two years here are uup, I am going to bring us back to the states, blah, blah. Just yesterday I learned he applied for an extra year here and was granted it. I don't know if I can take two more years here (we just completed the first). <p>I don't know what to do, several people have told me I am being selfish and unsupportive to him. I don't even know who i am any longer. And I have certanley lost all confidence in what he says. I have mended my ways with my family, and I want to be close with them, I want my children to grow up knowing there grandparnts. As it is now we only visit about once a year. Need I mention the fact that I hate flying, and he knows this. I have tried to negotiate by asking him to agree to move back when he retired (in about 6 years), but he refuses, says he will never live in our home states, and besided he wants to retire in Belize or Mexico, plus he is thinking of joining the foreign service upon retirement.
I am sorry thi sis so long, but felt you would be able to help better if you knew the whole story.
Thanks-Sad in Peru (Dshea)

You should get off the phone. <p>Why don't you look into "voice over IP" applications for your computer. You can talk to relatives that way over the net and it won't cost you anything.<p>$800 is a lot of money, and it's not like soldiers have gold bars falling out of their pockets.

Hello dshea,
I can understand your issues about being far from family. It is hard, no doubt. But you also have a new family-in which your h is a major player!
Living away from family and in a different country can be either burdensome and cause great depression/anxiety or a great adventure. YOU choose what it will be.
Having lived this way for over 20 yrs, I feel compelled to mention a few things.
There are many ways to deal with this. But first you need to lose the attitude that you are stuck. There is no room in this busy marriage for the resentment you are carrying. You are not isolated-you are making it that way!
Exposing your children to other sultures is just as important as having them know your family. You can have it all!
POJA with your h. Go to the states for a month every year, take your kids. Enjoy your family.
I used to do this, so it is vey possible. I just took a month off work, flew out, had a great time then back we all went to reality! It was the best thing I could do for everyone, including me! I worked to pay for all of it.
It would be easy to pay for it by cutting the calling. E-mail or snail mail work great.
Remember you are married a man that has an obligation and committment to fulfill. Don't let it ruin your marriage! Use it to strengthen your marriage and enrich your children.
What you have been given here is a completel blessing, not a burden as you are viewing it.