Thank you Wex, very much, I'm blushing now but I do appreciate that so much. <P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Hey Deb -<P>Was thinkng about you! How do you feel now, you had said you didn't feel well, are you a little better?<P>Wex was absolutely right with what he said to Mike!!<P>Also, about your sense of humor!! I was rolling with the "family Hug" line.<P>Let me know how you are, OK?<P>Did Mike peruse today?<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

Sheba,<BR> I am drinking cran-apple juice at the moment yuck, I don't know if Mike read today or not I was asleep when he came to bed, and we didn't talk much beyond the usual here's your lunch, your socks and shirt. Do you need anything else ? No , ok I'll see you in the am, call you at the usual time, love you. when he started to leave ,and thats about it.<BR> I think I have a kidney infection, thus the juice. Tonight is also shot night soooo.<BR> I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do, <P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Did you go to the doctor about kidney or is this something you get that you know it when it happens?<P>Hope it goes away soon - you certainly don't need this on top of all your feeling.<P>I want to help you so much - but I am feeling very inadequate about doing so!<P>Happily ever after is what you make it not what someone makes it for you!<P>For example - I would give anything to have a husband that is home and has at least read on this board. Granted I would want more effort from him about putting this Harley info. into play with our marriage. But I would make sure that I did not make myself as miserable as when he WAS with the other women! <P>Deb - you can't just look at the bad and the scary......look at the good and the happy along with it. Yes, things need to be improved upon and yes, he has to do some learning and cultivating of your relationship. Absolutely!!!!<P>But Deb - did you really go through all of this hell in your life to get to this point of being past the OW crap and then throw it away????? By being past - I mean it's over with the H and although you will remember - it is a past event(s) and nothing will move forward unless you leave it there.<P>Keep it in the forefront, whether it's because of lack of reassurance of love or priority from H or whatever other reason, and you will remain in the hell that existed when the affairs were occurring. You can't do that to yourself Deb!!!! You would be allowing your own existance to be second to the OWs - you keep them in your life!!<P>Let them go Deb - it will free you to be happy. They mean nothing!!<P>You want a life with H. H chose to be there with you!! Make a happy life together. For that you need to have love, patience, understanding, a sense of humor and the realization that by keeping a dark cloud over your heads - your marriage cannot grow - it will remain stagnant and that is not good!!<P>I want you two to have a wonderful future together - with the tools from Harley and some individual working on yourselves, I think you guys could be so happy. It seems like you're both playing tug of war on opposite ends of the rope.<P>Don't do that - get to where you are a team and then the sky's the limit.<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba<P>

I just give up, it's that simple. I will stay and do my best, but I don't think things will ever get better. OK, I guess I can live with that, I have for all these years anyway. To be quite honest, I think he is satisfied with things the way they are. As long as I keep quiet about my feelings and what I need things may be ok for a while<BR>anyway. There is nothing else I can do at this point, and I just don't care anymore. <BR>What happened to all the love I had for him ? It was killed this time and I resent that a lot. I have never loved anyone the way I did him and he chose to betray that love over and over again. It ment nothing to him, well I'm sorry but I refuse to let him get close enough to hurt me anymore, that may be selfish and it's wrong too I know. <BR> But it's where I am. I am sorry if it disappoints anyone, but I have had almost a year to deal with this and I just can't so instead, I will go back to pretending everything is fine again. I'm only human too, why is it that when he feels alone, unappricated and /or unloved he gets to destroy my world, but i'm supposed to just get over it. I CAN'T !!!!!!!! not anymore.<BR> I'm not upset with anyone here, just at myself and yes at my husband, I wish i could just go to sleep and wake up to find this was all just a dream.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Deb,<P>I am sorry that you are feeling down. Where is The Card Fairie when someone needs her?<P>I kept on thinking about how you are doing. Keep your self busy, Deb, it'll help to wash away some bad feelings. Walk around. Or exercise. Or listen to the music. <P>{{{{{{{{{Deb}}}}}}}}<P>Love,<BR>Saskia

Deb<BR>Things will get better. let yourslef grieve. Don't try so hard.<BR>I'm pretty much in the same place you are. You know that. Try to see God's miracles when they come to you. I'm starting to like my hummingbird!<BR>Okay I'm still a little doped up from surgery but I think they removed some of the bitterness when they were digging around in there.<BR>Thinking of you!!!!

I'm Thinking of you, too Deb!!<P>You and Mike are in my prayers.<P>Hugs and Strength,<P>Sheba

Deb,<BR>First of all, ask Mike if he wants to be married to you. Tell him if not you can make other arrangements and let him go. If he chooses to stay. Then listen to this....<BR>when I am tired or sick I need constant assurance, love, and appreciation, because that is when I feel like a burden a weight.<BR>I think you are still trying to protect him by putting you the burden on someone else.<BR>Second I think the only reason Mike was going to stay with the ow is because he felt sorry for her and he felt like he was responsible for her and to tell you the truth he thinks he is Superman....I do not by the story he told me think he loved her at all. He had his mind messed up and thought for some reason you were alright and she need a night in shiny armor.<BR>He will not address me as inlove. He said that is a word only for you.......<BR><P>------------------<BR>INLOVE.....<BR>LOVE HAPPY ENDINGS HOPING WE ALL HAVE ONE...<P>

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{DEB}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<BR>}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I'm sorry you are hurting too. I have been thinking about you a lot lately. Hang in there! I know when I don't feel well, everything is overwhelming to me.... <P>I'm going to try to send you some e-mail later. I have some things to tell you. <P>I'm here for you.<BR>B<P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Butterfly (edited September 02, 1999).]

Deb - I feel so bad for you and your situation. You have (or used to have) so much love to give and your H just wasn't (isn't) willing to receive it. I think it's his loss, not yours, the way he's behaving. Well, really it is a loss for both of you. But it does sound like you've done everything you could. There's only so much one partner can do to try and save a marriage if the other isn't cooperating. As the old saying goes, "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink." I wish I knew what advice to give you but it doesn't sound like advice is what you need right now. It sounds like you need support for whatever you feel you have to do, and believe me, you have plenty of that here. (I wish we could all sit around in a group and say the things in person that we feel! And then get up and have a big group hug!)<P>Best wishes for the kidney problem to clear up too. Keeping drinking lots of juice! Regards and blessings,<P>--Wex

Deb-<BR>I understand the pain of multiple affairs. The pain that many currently feel or have felt once, we have felt more than once. It has a way of "paralyzing" you. Don't want to go back, afraid to go forward... It's tough to stay strong...to endure, when you try so hard, only to face it yet again.<P>As I am in a similar situation, I don't have the answers either. Just know that I understand and am praying for you and your marriage. God Bless!<BR>

Thank you everybody. I am trying to just put this whole marriage in Gods hands. Right now<BR>Mike and i both are feeling like nothing either of us do is right or good enough. We are a couple of weeks from the 1 year date since discovery. I am afraid I'm making him as unhappy as I am and I don't want that i just want to be normal what ever the heck normal is. I don't feel i can really tell him what i feel because he will say well you're wrong, they are my feelings, they may not reflect how things ARE but they aren't wrong. Mikes not a real bad guy, just kind of, hmmm I guess reserved would be one word for it. He is very unemotional me I'm a big old mass of emotions, I cry at the news, at movies. I still have a copy of little women I read sometimes I'm a sap. I want it all, walks in the rain, kisses by candel light, making out in the movies, long back rubs WITH OILS. Conversation that doesn't include what is for dinner , laungerie, chocolates, flowers, a mini rosebush. PASSION.touch, lots and lots of touch. Hair eyes face, all of that. And to be charished. Held and told how much i'm loved over and over. I know thats a lot to ask for, I admit I'm selfish.<BR>I guess I want a rubber bisket too (joke folks, not good but the best I can do right now )<BR> Thank you all for putting up with my sniviling.It means a lot to me to know ya'll care.I wonder if i need to ask the shrink to change my anti depressant. I think so. Maybe thats the problem.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Hi Deb -<P>Oh my gosh - if you tell me that you have ever had even a quarter of those things with Mike and I haven't EVER with my H who is also Mr NO EMOTIONS - I will just scream!!!!!<P>Have you? IF so, how on earth did you manage to get any of those things? I've only gotten the flowers and chocolates - that's the biggest advertised I guess, so that's something he doesn't have to use imagination for!!<P>We're so alike - I have my Little Women, Little Men, etc. As a matter of fact I have ALL my books going back to Curious George!!!! I cry at all those things and more. Talk about sap - I swear I came right from a tree!!! LOL!!!<P>You're the best!!!<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

Don't worry Sheba, you don't have to scream . Speaking of scream guess what I am eating ? Ok I'll tell Banana split ice cream, my son bought it for me, because I am a good mommy ( ok, I ironed his band uniform pants and his slackes for school, the kid bribed me !!)Now I just have to decide whether or not to take my shot tonight. Mike and I were talking about meeting for breakfast at a resturant in the morning, if I take it, I won't feel like going, but if I skip it then when I do take it I will be sicker than usual from it and usual is bad enough.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Meet him for breakfast and bring him a single red rose.<P>AND don't wear undies!!!!! lol!!<P>Hugs,<P>Sheba

Sheba,<BR> You are a very naughty girl. I am about to walk out the door to meet Mike and here you are, telling me to go w/o underware, tisk tisk. ( But I will, just don't tell )<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

ok, we met for breakfast, talked a little mostly about what is going on here on the board.(and no Sheba, I didn't wear em, naughty, naughty girl ). Then we got on the bus, he got off the bus before me because he had to go to the bank, I HAD to get home (potty emergency) he should be here soon.<BR>I was nice for us to be alone, but there is a distance there. Oh well, maybe it will get better.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Deb<BR>Baby steps! I know you can have all those things.<BR>I have discovered that I have to initiate them. The more I tell H that he is my hero, the more of a hero he becomes.<BR>After my surgery he blew it. I was ready to come home and it took 45 minutes to find him. I was dressed and ready to go for 1 1/2 hours before he got there.<BR>He was really upset with himself. <BR>On the other hand he bought me a new housecoat, fuzzy nightgown, and intercom system so that I could just call downstairs when I needed something.<BR>The best part is that he searched all over town for a hard cover copy of "Little Women"!!! Something I've wanted for years.<BR>If my dufus can do it your's can. <BR>Yes he blew it on picking me up. I just cried when I got in the truck. But I made such a big deal about the other things, he is just glowing. <BR>So I guess what I'm saying is that we have to make a big deal out of every little thing in order to get the ball rolling. Positive reinforcement.<BR> I'm thinking of you always with lots of prayers!<BR><p>[This message has been edited by wasstubborn (edited September 03, 1999).]

WS,<BR> I'm trying to remember the babysteps. I am glad to see that Sheba and i aren't the only "little women" addicits around, it is embarassing to be 41 and have that along with gone with the wind and Scarlett be among your favorite books in the world, along with the crosstime engineer series,(si fi) But not as bad as admitting that my favorite movies are It's a wonderful Life and The wizard of Oz.Well i'm going to take my shot and go night night now. I'll be back in a couple of three hours.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>