A little over a year ago my best friend finally
decided to tell me that my husband had made comments on the phone to her that he had feelings
for her and wanted to meet her alone to talk about
these feelings. He had said he had these feelings
for a long time. She refused and they never met.
She told me about the phone call a week later. I
confronted my husband about it and at first he lied about it saying it was just a friendship thing but when I told him that my friend and I were
going to confront him face to face about the matter he admitted that he was after more than a
friendship. I have tried forgiving him but he acts like everything is okay now that time has passed,but for me I live with the betrayal every
day. He also is very critical about everything I
do. I can do nothing right. After the betrayal
he was very apologetic but as time went on he went
back to being judgemental on everything. He was
not that way when I married him almost 10years ago. We have two children ages 6 and 3. I am very
sad and mad with this marriage. I don't want to let my children down. They didnt ask for this.
How do I break free of all this anger? How do I
forgive when he isn't helping me to heal? How do
I love again when I don't feel it in return? How
do I learn to give again when all I get is negative in return? I know this a lot of info but
it's been a hard long year.

Hello and Welcome<p>Your H appoached your best friend and told her he had feelings for her. Sounds to me like he was trying to tell you he is dis-satisfied with something within your marriage. He must have known that your friend would come to you with this. Possibly he felt he couldnt come to you with his feelings. <p>As far was letting go the anger, I cant help you there, as I am currently going through the same, and I cant manage to let go either. Others will be along to help you with this. <p>Have you discussed your feelings with H. Told him how miserable you are?? Read all you can on this site and continue posting. You will find help here.<p>Best wishes.

You know, I don't think you necessarily need to let go of the anger. Maybe use that anger to motivate you both to create a better marriage.<p>The theory, pretty much proven, is that you aren't fulfilling your husband's needs, that makes him emotionally available to others. <p>As to his disrespectful judgements (a big no-no), it is probably his way of trying to get you to meet his needs better. Or to punish for doing something that hurt him.<p>I don't know how much you've read in this site or if you've read any of the books. But here's the really hopeful message, YOU CAN make your husband fall in love with you. Here's the bad news: You can't make yourself fall in love with your husband.<p>It sounds like you still care for him, so you're motivated to make changes in yourself (Plan A). Once he sees the positive results, he'll stop making a lot of unkind judgements, and be again the man you married.

I would recommend that you go to counseling together. He must have been feeling that some need wasn't being met to approach her (right or wrong.) I know that hurts so much, I've been there! I don't think you'll get past this without professional help. You are justified to be hurt, thank God she told you instead of heading into an affair like my ex best friend did with my H. It's been an awful ordeal and we have been back and forth to counseling to work thru it. good luck

Trapped and Sad,<p>I am sorry for the pain you are going through right now. It makes everything worse when your spouse is critical and judging. <p>There were some posts in the general question section that might help you, others going through the same thing. You may even want to post there as it gets more traffic. There are people there who have been emotionally involved with another as well as spouses. <p>I would also suggest reading everything you can on this website, if you haven't already. Marriage builders principles make us a better person no matter what. There are also books available from Marriage Builders, and one that may be helpful is Surviving an affair. Your husband had an emotional affair it sounds like and there is a story and further insight in the book that deals with that subject.<p>Keep posting as you have come to a wonderful place. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

My small contribution... talk, talk, talk. We men have thick heads and take a lot of convincing that it's not all the W's fault. Read the site and learn about plan A. It works. Prepare for the long haul but do some work now to start getting your H recommited to the marriage. He is obviously very vulnerable to an A and things could get a lot worse. However bad it is for both of you, it's worth the time and effort to give recovery a chance. It is possible to build a better relationship. Good luck.

Praise the Lord!
Hey, I am just one of those thick headed husbands that get everything wrong, but even I know that your story sounds like things could be A LOT worse! I agree withe the above posts that you need to read Dr.Harleys writings. Order His Needs Her Needs and Love Busters. And while they are in the mail, read the "basics" on this site. The only things wrong with your mariage are simple basic bad habits that unfortunately come naturaly to some of us. And they aint that hard to fix.
#1 Keep you shirt on and order books.
#2 Read "The Basics" ect on this site.
#3 Read the bible about how God demands that we forgive those who treaspass against us if we are to bypass hell by his forgiveness.
#4 When the books come in send the kids somewhere safe and tell you H that you and him need to sit, read and talk for a couple of days.
#5 If he gives you any static let him read this post and if need be e-mail me your phone # and I will tell him how lucky he is and how much it hurts when things go sour.
#6 If you cant get the above process right,,,, get your heads examined, it aint rocket science folks!