I know silly question you never really heal maybe just forget. 1986 Married(me 17 him 19), 1998-3 kids and a happy marriage we started building our own home. The short verison we forgot each other I thought he was seeing someone he thought I was. In way we both were right we had friends but mine was a friend his was more or developed into more. The house was done we moved in 5 months later me and the kids moved out. Four months later he was on his knees begging for us to come back. I was confused and wanted him to hurt like I did so...a year later we were divorced 4 months later me and the kids moved back. We both had affairs while separated I wish I could change it all. It has been 2 year of being together and he still has a problem with my affair. I been trying hard but how long do I go without getting upset. Please help just something does anyone understand?

Hello.
Your story has some things real close to mine. First off you want order His Needs Her Needs and Love Busters. Second off read the materiel on this site untill they get there. You two have a lot in common and when you learn what one another needs and how to meet those needs, and how to get rid of the bad habits that destroy romantic love, the "affairs" will become part of the scenery that you will soon have little interest in. The reason it seems to me that they are still an issue is the problems that drove you apart are still there. Anyone that has been through so much together and is still trying is certainly worth th $20 and the time to read a couple of books. They will change your life. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
May God be with you both.

Have you been in counseling for this? It is MUCH easier to heal and deal with the aftermaths of affairs with professional help. My marriage wouldn't have survived my H's affair with my former best friend without christian counseling. We've been going off and on for 6 years. It's been well worth the $, and we live on a very limited budget.<p>Also, if you read Torn Asunder, I think that will give you some answers. There is also an article called "Shattered Vows" at findarticles.com that is very good.<p>I wish you peace and healing

My answer here would be , "Only as long as it takes you to realize that you truly love each other."<p> If you don't truly love each other healing will never happen.

I don't think you EVER forget...but you have to forgive and FORGET TO BRING IT UP!!! It is so important to have ground rules for future 'discussions' and for my h and I, one of the biggies is no dragging the corpses back in. I'm really bad about that! <p>I also think Maggierose is right about counseling...you can learn to communication so much better and that third objective, experienced party can be so helpful.

Thank you all! I was feeling very down and like it wasn't worth trying when I ran across this web I wish I knew about it 2 years ago. So this was my first letter when I didn't know what else to do, thank you for being there and understanding. Everyone around me thought we were nuts for trying to work it out "Your divorce go our separte ways" they told us. We have worked so hard at separart time but not both working our hardest together at the same time. I have ordered the books and reading the information has really helped. I don't want to blame or relive it any more I want to get over it. Life is to short we both made mistakes(big ones) but the kids are growing up we have grown up together now I am ready to grow old together. I hope with the support I have found here and the books and information we WILL make it. Thank you<p>[ April 17, 2002: Message edited by: nowhere ]</p>