I'm new here, and I am SOOO looking forward to going through this program with my husband of nearly nine years! We have two children, and we do love each other and our family. But we have many issues that I believe can be addressed through MarriageBuilders!<p>As I have read through the Basic Concepts, I have but one initial question: my hubby and I often come to "enthusiastic agreement" on an issue, only to have him abandon the agreement weeks, days or even hours later! As an example, we are in the throes of planning renovations to our home, because we agreed that moving would not be a good solution to hubby's unhappiness with the house's size. Moving would be more costly, and would most likely land us in a less desirable location. So, the bank loan is all set, the contractors are bidding on the project...and yesterday hubby explodes, saying he does not wish to stay in this house anymore, that he won't be happy with the outcome of our renovations, etc. He's done this before. At times I think it is a strategy of his to hurt me, because he feels hurt and frustrated that he's not getting what he wants.<p>How do you deal with the abandonment of an "enthusiastic agreement"? Just sit down and start over again on a new agreement? How can I trust then that any agreement he makes will be a true and valid one?

I'm not a POJA expert, although there are a couple of folks who post mostly in Emotional Needs forum who are really good at this POJA stuff.<p>That said, one comment:<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>He's done this before. At times I think it is a strategy of his to hurt me, because he feels hurt and frustrated that he's not getting what he wants.<hr></blockquote><p>Sounds like his agreement wasn't so enthusiastic to begin with, maybe?<p>Cerri posted a really good thread on learning the ins and outs of POJA on the EN forum a while back...you might want to read it. I'll see if I can find...

Here's the POJA thread...if the link doesn't work, I just bumped it up on the EN board.<p>Good luck--<p>Kathi<p>www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=8&t=008126

The stuff on this site is good but a little short. Order "Love Busters" and "Hi Needs Her Needs" and read them both, together. They will give you a lot more to work with and a lot of insite. May God be with you both.

Consider his wants and needs as much if not more than your own. This will make hubby happier than any house will. This will also help make his 'enthusiastic agreement' more long lasting. Do not use this method to get what you want, use it with his happiness in mind- he will return the favor, I promise!