I discovered for the third time in 2 years that my husband hides money from me. Our mutual finances are joint, however he "needs" to keep anywhere from $500 to $1000 on hand is a secret place. He says it is perfectly OK for me to know he keeps money "stashed", however I do not need to know where. He feel I will be checking what and when he spends. I feel this a breach of trust. Not having cash at hand, but rather having it kept in a secret place. My thought is what does he need to have a private supply of cash for if it is not to do something unacceptable with. He has told me his father did this and so he feel it is OK. Any advice or comments? [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

some people (my mil for example) just feel more comfortable knowing they have a 'mayonnaise jar'--idden money that no one knows about. <p>I would not just assume it was intended for nefarious purposes.

My husband did the same thing after we were married. Eventually I found out he was a gambling addict. We had a large debt when I found out. Now I make sure I watch the finances very carefully, and get regular credit reports to look for newly opened lines of credit, etc. Money "stashed" somewhere not earning interest could be working harder for you invested - even at a low rate of interest.

Many people , like your father in law, who are old enought to remember the depresion were of the "mayonaise jar" (Fruit jar then) persuasion after getting burned by the banks. He may be fullfilling a promise to "dad". Or he may be holding it for someone else. I am a Texan and have heard a few accounts of women getting mad about something or the other and going out and spending their husbands "insurance policy" to get even. Your husband is commiting what we call a "love buster" by not explaining the wherefor to you , and another by not following the policy of joint agreement. I feel that everyone in the married world should own and read occasionaly "Love Busters" and "His Needs Her Needs" by Dr Harley. Both of you should read them , by the time you are finished you should both be better equiped to deal with this as well as the rest of lifes curveballs. Besides, if your strapped you can get em used and cheep from amazon.com and they are a site cheeper than payin some carpetbagger to file for a devorce! May God be with you both.<p>[ April 17, 2002: Message edited by: dsimmons78025 ]</p>