We have been happily married for 13 yrs and have been together for 22 yrs. 15 months ago my W requested she wanted to meet and have dinner with he long time friend of 16 yrs.who is married and the Godfather to our son, because she felt he sounded depress. I asked he if he couldn't deal with his issues with his wife and she stated that this was her good friend and that his marrage was not going well. She was not happy with my comment and later proceeded to contact him and offer her help to him over a five month period with out including me. I later overheard and walked in on a phone conversation they were having and uncovered what amounted to inappropriate conversation of a sexual nature.HELP [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

what did she say about this? and did you ask her why you weren't included in this 'help'?<p>It does sound inappropriate but really need more details to be able to give better feedback.

Why did she choose a 5 month period to help him.
why is she speaking to this man about sex. I don't blame you for being suspicious. Right now you don't have enough evidence to suggest that your wife may be having an affair with this man. A thought that comes to my mind is that she is having or starting an affair and told you that she was giving him support(?) so that she would not have to sneak around to meet him without you being suspicious that she was having an affair. My advice to you is to stay calm. You need to control your fear that you may loose your wife. This fear will paralyze you to do nothing.Before you can make a decision as to what you want to do you need to find what is going on if anything. I would suggest going to radio shack and buying a voice activated recorder with an attachment device that will allow you to place along the telephone line where it cannot be found. If you can afford it hire a private investigator to follow your wife. Meanwhile keep your cool. Don't pursue, beg or appear needy to her. All that will do is make you look pathetic and unattractive. In fact try to look happy (even when you don't feel it) around her. Depending on what you find out will determine what your next move will be. What you need to remember is that you cannot control her behaviour. What you can control is what you will accept. This gives you power. Don't be afraid to use it. Your greatest challenge ,more than getting your wife back, will be to overcome your fear. Remember you will survive with or without her. If you can present this attituce when dealing with your wife it will make you look confident and at the same time more appealing to your wife.

If I were you, I'd get involved and bust up the egg shell treatment. Get involved means, suggesting this person seek counseling from a pastor, counselor. ASk your wife questions what is his problem, go to the book store with your wife and hand this guy a book, his needs, her needs, that way you are helping you, you are helping your wife, you are pushing this guy from between you and your wife. You have to be smarter than your wife. I'm not saying an affair is happening, but the envirionment for one to happen is being set up. No [unprofessional] woman needs to counsel a man in private outside her husband, thats a no, no in my book. This is the very behavior my wife had, NO ETHICS.<p>This guy is expressing to your wife what he needs from a relationship [SEX]. If you don't move now and get involved your wife could be INNOCENTLY seduced.

I am new to this web site. I have known about my husbands affair since February. I guess unknowingly, I have been using plan A. He has gotten an apartment but has not moved out and still is having the affair. I want him to leave if he musts but have told him he is welcome to come back. I try to understand that the affair did not happen over night so it won't end that way either. I am impatient with his inability to make a decission. We have great conversation over how we both want the marriage to work but I would be stupid to think that this apartment was anything but a love nest. I realize he has his cake and eating too.
We have been married for 21 years and have 3 children. The affair has been going on for well over 1 year. She is divorcing her husband but mine says he is not leaving his family to raise hers. I am so confused. I am not ready or willing to throw our marriage away but I don't know when enough is enough.
Help.

I agree with Everlasting...
You need to get involved and find out exactly what's going on and why you aren't involved or at least informed. And you you definitely need to suggest that this "friend" seek professional help in resolving his own marriage. Open communication is essential to a successful relationship. I know that the lack thereof doomed mine. The restoration of the lines of communication is what saved it, just in time. PLEASE, for your own sake, and that of your marriage, get involved. Before it's too late! Maybe you should point W's "friend" here to the site so he can work on his marriage issues. Now there's a thought!<p>
That's all I have to say.<p>Crypto