My H reason for having an A is he's not getting enough sexual fulfillment. I must admit he practically beg often and i refused it most of the time.So instead of him i am the one who apologise as i thought atthat time its myfault.I did push him away. So from being uninterested to initiating more often. I bought books, researched anything that will teach me on how to do be good at it.I said to myself if thats the only thing that makes him happy and stop having an affair i will do my best to give it to him whatever and whenever.
But i am not happy. Its not easy as i thought it should be "forgive & forget". Added to the fact that my H is not helping me getting thru with it especially when i am feeling low. He doesnt want to talk about it.
Despite my effort in accomodating his needs sexually i thought he would change by being more affectionate towards me. I discussed this with him but he hasnt done anything about it.Is it too much to ask..? All i want is for him to hug me often and say how much he loves me but he never did.
I love my H but i am beginning to wonder if he really loves me..if its worth saving the marriage (3kids and 36 weeks pregnant). I earned more than him(got my own business)which he feels worthless. He's got paranoid personality disorder. Doesnt want to go to marriage counsellor. What else could i do...?What if he does it again as he is not guilty about the A ?
Me... well i just been to the doctor yesterday asking for depression pills as i am feeling very low but he refused it. Instead he reffered me to see a psychiatrist as i almost commited suicide after knowing about the A.
At this stage i cant do anything...cant wait for my delivery. I am starting to hate my H as he is not helping at all especially with my pregnancy. Plus because of his A that is why i'm like this... moody, irritable...depressed...
i feel little bit better by just writing this.<p>[ May 10, 2002: Message edited by: abf69 ]</p>

I feel terrible for what you are going through. But your husbands affair is NOT YOUR FAULT!!! My H told me I "made him do it" etc. Worse than a kid! Yes, there are difficulties in marriage but there are many who talk things out & work thru things without someone using it as an excuse. In my book there is no excuse for the line they've crossed. I wait to hear an "Im sorry I made a mistake"' or something, but I may never hear it. <p>Try posting on the "EMOTIONAL NEEDS" board. Or this exact topic has been discussed in the "GENERAL QUESTIONS" board by me the other day 'Need help with fencesitting WH' and more recently by 'Can't sleep' and 'Spacecase'. I think alot more people read the GENERAL QUESTIONS board. Also look for Sadprincess in the "Recovery" board. <p>What you need to do now is take it easy as possible & prepare for the delivery of a beautiful baby! Rely on friends & family for support. I think you definately SHOULD take antidepressants as soon as the baby is born. You have stepped onto a swooping emotional roller coaster. You must try not to obsess on him. Take care of yourself.