Well, where to begin. When my husband and I first started dating ten years ago we never spent the night at each others places. We lived in the same boarding house and after we finished what we were doing we went back to our rooms. After two years of that I got pregnant and our daughter was born. He didn't want to get married, but for the first and last time in our lives together, he would sleep in my room in my bed because the baby was with me. We moved out of the boarding house four months later.
The new apartment had two bedrooms. The baby and I stayed in one and he stayed in the other by his choice and we lived the same way we did in the boarding house "because we weren't married". He have me come into his room and then have me leave. This went on for four years.
The last of those four years I had an affair with a married man. I took my daughter and left my common-law "husband" and went to live with my parents after I confessed to what I had been doing. My husband then married me in order to get his family back.
We have been married for four years since then. I never did get to sleep in the same bed as him now the reason is "because you had an affair." I still go into his room every night and then leave when he's done. It wasn't much of a life but it was bearable because my daughter and I shared the same room. I could hear her sleeping and see her snuggled up in her bed by the nightlight. She was my company. She's not a husband but she is family.
My problem is that now my daughter is turning eight and both she and my husband think it's time she had a room to herself. We only have a two bedroom apartment. I thought finally I'd get to sleep in the same room at least with my husband. Not so. I get the living room couch.
I love my family but this living arrangement is wearing me down. I'm not interested in finding another man. Quite frankly, my lover and I never slept in the same bed toghter either. I don't trust any man to do that for me. I get very sad about this. At least Al Bundy slept in the same bed at Peg and I am a much better woman that that sitcom wife from hell.
If I could be sure that some man would let me spend the night in his bed with him I would leave my husband in a heartbeat no matter of how kind and sweet, how good provider, and how excellent father my husband is otherwise. This situation is proving quite intollerable.
My parents know of our sleeping arraingement, not the details, but enough. They won't have me back this time. My mother says, "If he doesn't drink and he doesn't beat you, then he's a good husband."
I'm terribly desperate and my husband says that I should have thought of this before I married him because he will never divorice me ever. That's a promise and a threat. He said if I ever cheated on him again he'd cut me up so that no other man would have me. Whatever. I don't think he'd do that but I have no intention of forcing the issue. I don't want to leave. I just want to sleep with him.
Any suggestions?

Obviously, you need some self confidence. I would say that if my husband had not been sleeping with me and I married him knowing that, that you kind of perpetuated this situation.<p>But, if it is a deal breaker for you, then tell him it is unacceptable and that, if it has to continue, that you don't want the marriage. I think that deep down you know your situation is not the norm. Husbands do normally sleep with their wives. There is a man out there who will be glad to sleep with you. You need to know and believe that.<p>Also, if you wanted to sleep there, other than him wanting you to leave the bedroom, why couldn't you just refuse to leave and let him get the couch?

When my daughter was born in 1989, my x started sleeping on the couch. Over the next 8 years, we probably slept together a total of 6 months. <p>The world is full of men that will love you and WANT you to be next to them at night. Your husband has the best of both worlds--you come willing for sex then he boots you out and goes to sleep...kind of like putting the dog out at night.<p>I don't advocate divorce but if I were you--and this is only what I would do--I would take my daughter and leave. Being alone is less hurtful than being rejected all the time. He treats you like a prostitute and wanting to have a family is no excuse to let it go on.<p>It also frightens me that he has threatened you with extreme violence. If I was you, since your parents offer no support (what is the deal with your mother???? she must have a miserable marriage as well to think like that) I would take my d and leave the state and no one would know where I was. I know that lots of times these are idle threats of violence but sometimes they aren't. People are crazy.<p>Please keep in touch and let us know how things are going. Prayers and hugs for you.