This morning, h was over at the office. said he had turned over a "new leaf" and was going to help with the business. YEA!!! as he's over there, he says that the company equipment is now "HIS". i'm confused at this. I say, you mean the busineses? he says NO. that he's starting his own business and to he** with me and i had better fund it. I got mad. I said i couldn't belive he would do this to us and that i thought it was a really low thing for him to do. I know i shouldn't. but i did. after we hung up, i felt bad for yelling back at him. <p>So I wrote him an apology:<p>I am aplolgizing for the way I behaved on the phone today.<p>I made disrespectful judgements, and I had an angry outburst.<p>It's not only an ineffective way to produce long-lasting change in your behavior, but it also destroys your love for me.<p>I have also made disrespectful judgments towards you. When I present a problem to you, I should avoid expressing it as being your fault. "If you were less selfish, we wouldn't have this problem," This gets me nowhere. Instead of blaming you for the problem, I need to view it as a problem for me that is, apparently, not a problem for you.<p>Granted, I have also presented complaints before in a thoughtful way, and you have responded with thoughtlessness, which has made me very tempted to revert to being demanding, disrespectful and angry. But it takes two to fight, and if you you do not respond positively to my presentation, I will simply end the discussion, and re-introduce the problem again later.<p>I will strive to take good care of myself and my children both physically, mentally and spiritually. Thanks for listening sweetie.<p>------<p>I read it to him over the phone. and he BLEW UP.
started screaming and yelling, threatening me, everything. <p>Now, what did I do??? I thought that was a very heartfelt, wonderful way to bring up this issue. I was upbeat and perky when i called, showed in my voice and attitude that i really did mean it when i said i was sorry. The only difference is me saying that i was going to take care of myself, by not letting him yell at me for hours like he is used to. he has done this for years, and i don't want it any more. <p>he emails me: <p>Thank you for explaining to me that until I am willing to "respond positively" to your authority as CEO of SSC that you will NOT allow our son to have anything to do with me.<p>WHAT??? how did he get THAT from our letter???<p>he then called up and said he was through with me, said he was going to trash all the equipment or take it to the goodwill, that he would ruin me, kill me, my son would die in my arms... on and on. he wouln't listen when i tried to explain that that what he wrote was not what i said or meant at all! he started throwing things around the room when i wouldn't get mad too. I got scared and fed up.<p>He said i had 1 hour to pick up the company equipment and get the He** out of his life. I went and picked up some equipment, at least the computers and files, things i couldn't replace and what i could get in an hour. <p>Then i went and started a new company bank account and arranged for his phone numbers (he says he will be living at the office and i'd better stay away and everything in it is now his)to be dissconected from the business. I did not get a TRO.<p>Did I go too far? is there something I could have done to prevent this? All i was trying to do was apologize for yelling back at him. what did i do wrong??? How can i meet his emotional needs if i don't even understand them?
