Hi,
I want to Thank Kayin and Franklydears for your kind thoughts and oh yes I do believe it is within himself. I have bought this man the moon, he has so much that he could not take it with him. Guess I spoiled him to much. I did see him today as I went to his work and sat until he arrived to deliver a bunch of printoffs of this site. I really wanted him to see them. He saw my van and rode around and past 3 times for half hour. He acted distant and cold as usual. Asked him why he is hiding and sneaking around and he told me he wasn't. I did tell him he needed to own up and fess up to what is going on. My husband was never cold until just 8 months ago when he went on disability for a neck problem.
At the time he was having knee problems and fingers locking up. I thought the problem laid with pain. he was off work from Aug - Feb and all that time he acted different. So guys maybe he had time to get an affair going as I work, leave here at 1pm and not back until 11:30 pm. I am a nurses aide and I work hard for little. He was remodeling the bathroom and did alot of cussin which upset me. I am a pisces and he is a taurus. I am very soft, but I can get mad and yes I have learned on this site goofs I have made, but his are by the hundreds. He knocks my grown kids and family members, always I am doing something wrong or saying something wrong. When I try to defend them I am called stupid. I think he has a wrong attitude and always has to be right and better than most people. Downs the guys at work too. Now this is not a small mans syndrom he is big! I usually just sit and feel hurt and try to let things pass as I hate to fight. Our marriage has not seen very many and that is 11 years now. He was so good. Yes I do Love him, but I am very tired of giving or trying to give and getting shut out. My husband is very closed mouth. I just talk on here as I have no one else, no friends as we never go anywhere, I have an old Mom, sisters that won't get involved, I live way out in the country with not a house for a mile! Yes I do need to see a counselor, but money is tight and time, only get one day a week off. He has not given me anything in a month now. I did file for divorce but jumped to fast and now just do not know what to do. I have not gone back to my lawyers which is going to make him happy - will do it this week and talk to him. Well Thanks again for being here for me! Hey anyone know what is good for the shakes and heart pounding 24-7?
I already told you I was nuts in last post soooooooo!
Desmee

Hi Doreen, I can relate to some of the things that your speaking about and feeling.
I'm a 30 yr. old woman and has been married three years now. My husband and myself has been friends since we were about 8yrs. old and we went to school together.
Our families has a close relationship and we all get along fairly good. We have been courting 9yrs. before we got married and I knew that we were meant to be. He was also a sweet, caring, honest, intelligent person and I love him for all those qualities and would do anything for him.( he's an engineer and me pre-school teacher).
He had sent me on a vacation last year for 4 months and during that time all I use to be doing was studing him and purchaseing phone cards to call him, every other day.
When I got back we were good up until 5 months ago. He did not purchase anything for me, for our 3rd anniversary,which was on 13th Feb., not even a card.I'm not working because I have a problem called Polycystic Ovaries and I need to rest my body in order to conceive and other medical problems concerning the same problem.We had also talked about me leaving my job to stay at home and trying to conceive and he encouraged me to do so, (we have not been successful in this area as yet). I always go out of my way for him, anything he wants, I'll try and do or give it to him. I would suggest that we not spend that extra money on me but save it, or not spend that extra money on dinner but instead I'll prepare a nice dinner,(the full works).As I said, he was my everything and more and I would do anything for him.
He recently started coming home late, not eating, lieing,ignoring my sexual needs and other things.Then he came out and told me that he was not happy anymore and he wanted out of the marriage. I felt like my whole life was over and I could not believe what I was hearing.
I found out after that he was involved with someone else, even though he has denied it.
Since this whole thing has started, we hardly communicate in the house,don't have intercourse and he stills avoid coming home straight from work.
He had even started looking for another apartment but he is still seeing about his responsibilties like paying bills and giving money for groceries and other things.
We had recently purchased piece of land and he wants to give it to me also the car and pay my rent and other expenses.He feels guilty and is always crying saying that I deserve more than this because I would go all out for him and he treats me so bad.
Everyone, including myself is still baffled about this whole thing because it all happened so fast and for no apparent reason.I wanted to stop going to church, taught about taking my life, stop eating, developed breathing problems, among other things.
Then I said to myself, I know the God that I serve and he does not allow anything more to happen to us, that we can not handle.We all have to go through somethings in order to gain faith, strength and peace of mind. As I told you, just give him all of your worries and problems and be patient and he will take care of it all.
My testimony today is that the same man that wanted to leave just 1 months ago and all the things that I had mention above,has change. He is not looking for a place anymore, he is being intimate with me once again, we pray together now and he has started taking me out again and putting his arms around me( I can't tell you the last time he did that). Things have not gotten back perfect but it's getting there.
So as I said I can relate to what your going through, but don't give up without praying for him and the situation.Try and borrow books or purchase books on "Self-esteem"or"Faith in the Valley" by Iyanla Vanzant or something on Prayer and Faith seeing that your unable to join any group right now. I also think that he is big enough to let you know what is his real problem even if he fells less of a man because of his disabilty problems.But at the same time don't allow him to treat you like that and take advantage of you. I was known to people as the "perfect wife",always cooking, baking,keeping my house spotless, giving my husband love and affection and always praying for him inspite of the problems and most of all love children. I am sort of like the "virtuous woman" from in the bible.
Anyhow ask the Lord to give you some signs and answers to your problems and I will still be praying for you.God Bless.
Kayin1
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Doreen:
<strong>Hi,
I want to Thank Kayin and Franklydears for your kind thoughts and oh yes I do believe it is within himself. I have bought this man the moon, he has so much that he could not take it with him. Guess I spoiled him to much. I did see him today as I went to his work and sat until he arrived to deliver a bunch of printoffs of this site. I really wanted him to see them. He saw my van and rode around and past 3 times for half hour. He acted distant and cold as usual. Asked him why he is hiding and sneaking around and he told me he wasn't. I did tell him he needed to own up and fess up to what is going on. My husband was never cold until just 8 months ago when he went on disability for a neck problem.
At the time he was having knee problems and fingers locking up. I thought the problem laid with pain. he was off work from Aug - Feb and all that time he acted different. So guys maybe he had time to get an affair going as I work, leave here at 1pm and not back until 11:30 pm. I am a nurses aide and I work hard for little. He was remodeling the bathroom and did alot of cussin which upset me. I am a pisces and he is a taurus. I am very soft, but I can get mad and yes I have learned on this site goofs I have made, but his are by the hundreds. He knocks my grown kids and family members, always I am doing something wrong or saying something wrong. When I try to defend them I am called stupid. I think he has a wrong attitude and always has to be right and better than most people. Downs the guys at work too. Now this is not a small mans syndrom he is big! I usually just sit and feel hurt and try to let things pass as I hate to fight. Our marriage has not seen very many and that is 11 years now. He was so good. Yes I do Love him, but I am very tired of giving or trying to give and getting shut out. My husband is very closed mouth. I just talk on here as I have no one else, no friends as we never go anywhere, I have an old Mom, sisters that won't get involved, I live way out in the country with not a house for a mile! Yes I do need to see a counselor, but money is tight and time, only get one day a week off. He has not given me anything in a month now. I did file for divorce but jumped to fast and now just do not know what to do. I have not gone back to my lawyers which is going to make him happy - will do it this week and talk to him. Well Thanks again for being here for me! Hey anyone know what is good for the shakes and heart pounding 24-7?
I already told you I was nuts in last post soooooooo!
Desmee</strong><hr></blockquote><p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi Kayin,
Whoops lost a big reply! Well here goes again!
Your reply to me was a great uplift to my old 52 yr. heart! My husband is 46. He called today just to remind me how awful I am and bring up things I had said, but from 11 years ago. Well it shattered me and yes I should have kept my mouth shut but I will not be put down like this anymore. I have faults but so does he. It is always 100% my fault. I caused him to walk out by asking him to explain a floating holiday on his paystub. Well to me it is an excuse for him! I asked him if he were to come back would he come back as my husband fully? He said he can't answer that. Then asked him if he would promise to stay and never leave again and try to work this out - he can't answer that. Asked him if he loved me says he can't answer that, but does not hate me. Well he has been gone a month not including the other times. Guess he is not planning on doing anything about this. He did tell me he thinks this site is hogwash so I guess I failed here too. See anything I believe in gets put down by him - family, friends, pets, work and anything I liked to do. I raised, bred and showed dogs. Well he grips about them too and will not let me have someone in to watch them so we could go away. Does not trust anyone on the property. Well i am babysitting his personals and not here very much now! I was so very hurt today that after he said those things I just hung up. I can not keep having him tear my heart out as I cry all day on and off at work and then drive 30 miles trying to see the road! This is so very hard. Yes I trust in God and have tried to just put it in his hands but my heart just won't let me give it all up. You had a tough road also and you are a very lucky person! I am not so sure that this will ever be right again and I am not sure I will be either as it is a game to him who is more wrong. He will not see what he has done.
Well you keep trying for that nice baby maybe not think about it so much and you know it will just happen. I have a niece that has the same problem. I had three - two boys, one girl and they are all in their 30's now, brats but I would not trade them. My husband does not like my kids - yes they are bad, he raised hell about them all the time. See I am always wrong. Well kids are yours and no matter what they do you still love them.
Thank you again for lifting up my heart some and wish you a thousand blessings from God.<p>Doreen

Hi Doreen,
I figured that, much that you were a mature person and a nice one to. The road will not be easy but hold on. It breaks my heart to read your letter tonight and hearing that he had contacted you and is still putting you through hell.Think about it D. the devil does not like to see people happy and he will make you unhappy at what ever cost he has to.You have lived your life for your H. for a long time and it's time to start living for D. As I said, things is not perfect with my marriage right now but if I had given up, I would not have been in this position today to uplift you and encourage you. Everyday has not been a "bed of roses" for me, but I have given the battle to the Lord and he is fighting it for me. You have to give it all up to him, not half way or give it up and take it back.Yes it will seem unbearable at sometimes and yes you will want to argue at sometimes and yes you will be crying alot at sometimes but this is all in it.Wheather you and your H. gets divorce or reunite, it will take sometime for the healing process to be over.He sounds like he really has a problem and if he can't call and say something positive, don't call at all. He sounds as though he's not happy and he does not want you to be happy as well.If he is constantly being negative to things you are doing and is always talking you down, you go ahead and do what ever makes you "Doreen" happy and don't ever let him feel that he has gotten things his way.All he wants to hear is the sadness in your voice and the unhappiness and he feels as though he's more of a man. That's not a man at all, that's a coward,unhappy,lonely,confuse boy and he needs to grow-up. He really needs prayers and inspite of all he's putting you through, still pray for him.You can cry out to the Lord, he's seeing you and he hears your cry. Remember all the miracles he had done in his days and he is still performing miracles today, he has not gone out of business.
You sound so down tonight, but give it all to him. What use to happen to me was that, I'll tell him that I'm giving him the battle and then as soon as my H. gets me angre, I'll take it back.I use to be feeling weak and getting short breaths everytime we argued. I stop feeling like that when he would be argueing, and I would be praying in my mind and thinking about some joke or something nice. He use to be suprised, why am I not fighting back.After that the argueing became less and we started having more meaningful communication.
Just hold on only the Lord knows what he has instore for you. God loves you just the way you are and because of us he sent his only begotten son to die for us.I'll keep praying for you and your H. and you will soon see changes if you just cry out to him and give him the fight, it's not yours, and that is why your feeling so sad.God Bless & Loves You.
Kayin1
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Doreen:
<strong>Hi Kayin,
Whoops lost a big reply! Well here goes again!
Your reply to me was a great uplift to my old 52 yr. heart! My husband is 46. He called today just to remind me how awful I am and bring up things I had said, but from 11 years ago. Well it shattered me and yes I should have kept my mouth shut but I will not be put down like this anymore. I have faults but so does he. It is always 100% my fault. I caused him to walk out by asking him to explain a floating holiday on his paystub. Well to me it is an excuse for him! I asked him if he were to come back would he come back as my husband fully? He said he can't answer that. Then asked him if he would promise to stay and never leave again and try to work this out - he can't answer that. Asked him if he loved me says he can't answer that, but does not hate me. Well he has been gone a month not including the other times. Guess he is not planning on doing anything about this. He did tell me he thinks this site is hogwash so I guess I failed here too. See anything I believe in gets put down by him - family, friends, pets, work and anything I liked to do. I raised, bred and showed dogs. Well he grips about them too and will not let me have someone in to watch them so we could go away. Does not trust anyone on the property. Well i am babysitting his personals and not here very much now! I was so very hurt today that after he said those things I just hung up. I can not keep having him tear my heart out as I cry all day on and off at work and then drive 30 miles trying to see the road! This is so very hard. Yes I trust in God and have tried to just put it in his hands but my heart just won't let me give it all up. You had a tough road also and you are a very lucky person! I am not so sure that this will ever be right again and I am not sure I will be either as it is a game to him who is more wrong. He will not see what he has done.
Well you keep trying for that nice baby maybe not think about it so much and you know it will just happen. I have a niece that has the same problem. I had three - two boys, one girl and they are all in their 30's now, brats but I would not trade them. My husband does not like my kids - yes they are bad, he raised hell about them all the time. See I am always wrong. Well kids are yours and no matter what they do you still love them.
Thank you again for lifting up my heart some and wish you a thousand blessings from God.<p>Doreen</strong><hr></blockquote><p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi Kayin,
Glad to see another post from you! Sorry my reply made you sad as we all have enough of that. Pleas e do keep up the prayers as I believe they have helped me! Thank you! I feel somewhat better today as he did call again today. I relayed a phone message to him and told him I could not give the person his address as I did not know it and she had asked why I did not know where he was as he was my husband? Well I have for two days now told people calling I did not have a husband and told my husband this and of course it made me tear up so I excused myself as I was getting ready for work and it is just to hard being upset like this. He wants to talk on Sat. Cross your fingers and tape my mouth shut! I will listen and in all hopes of him getting all out on the table this time as I really need to know what it all has been. God only knows if it has been an affair how hard this is going to be. More tears! Thank you for your strength and Faith as I guess I needed it dearly! Thank you also for just being you! God Bless you too!<p>Doreen

Hello, Doreen and Kayin,<p>Excuse me for busting in to your thread here, but I want to say a few things to both of you. I have not read any of your other posts except this thread, so if I am out of line, please excuse me.<p>First of all, welcome to the MB boards!! I think both of you will find much comfort, solace, and answers to all your hard questions here.<p>Kayin, it is wonderful to know that you are praying. Keep it up!! It sounds like your faith has moved your mountain!!! I am still waiting on mine! Please add a few prayers for me, for my WH, too, OK?? Have not seen my WH in person except twice in the last 13 months. My story is in my sig line.<p>Doreen, have you read all the info on this site? Have you read all the concepts? That is where you start. Additionally, I don't want to alarm you, but it DOES sound like your H is "involved" with someone. His sudden "distance and coldness" toward you. This is what happened with my H. I now recognize the signs. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Please, stop giving him all the info, the print-outs. He is NOT interested now. Read them for yourself, apply them to yourself, but do NOT try to convince him of anything. He just doesn't want to hear it. You know that, you said so yourself, and can see it with his behavior (driving around for half an hour). WHat a dope!!<p>Anyway, didn't mean to put him down. Just wanted to say that at your "meeting" with him on Saturday, just AGREE with him!! Listen lots more than you talk, and just let him spew. And that is probably what he will do. All you can do at that time is continue to reassure him that you DO believe the two of you can work things out, but you are sorry you are in this situation now, and you are working on YOU, as you are aware of things that drove him away!!<p>He might say he wants a divorce. Tell him you do NOT, but you certainly can do nothing about what he wants. Be calm, self-assured, and DO NOT ask him for answers, or beg him to come home. It will only make him see you as weak and pathetic and clingy, and someone he definitely DOES NOT want to come home to!! Especially if he is having an A (my guess is he IS).<p>Do you think you can do this? We will all be here, praying and thinking of you during your meeting. Please, PLEASE use all your time today reading on here and learning, and apply those principles on him tomorrow. It will make him think.<p>May God Bless you in this journey.

Hi Doreen,<p>I know exactly what you are going through,my
husband walked out on me back in February,and
said he just was not happy anymore,it was right
after he was also in an accident an injured his
back,shortly after that he seemed to start having
sexual dysfunctions,which since I have read and
found out that the damage done to his back can
cause the sexual dysfunctions due to a pinched
nerve pinching right on that nerve,I believe more
than anything that is why he is doing what he is
doing.I have since surfed around the internet on
spinal cord injuries,there is alot of information
on SCI and also some forums telling you exactly
how other people that have been injured in the
spinal column or cord, neck etc. have pushed
their wives away,even of many years.My husband is
denying to me that his back is even bothering him
but the other day I found out from his brother
that it is.I know that this is why and there is a
good chance if he does not correct his problems,
he has many with his back, that he may become
paralyzed.
When he was first injured he did not leave me,it
was not until he got the results from his MRI.
3 days later he left.We have argued more now then
we did in the other 20 years we have been married.
I am sorry to be just babbling on,I could say alot
more,please feel free to ask me anyquestions, I
will check back to this site frequent to read your
reply.Take Care.