"Jim" and I were married for 18 1/2 years. We have two kids. "Jim" is illiterate and sometimes I felt that he was just another kid to take care of. We were both working and never seemed to have enough money. The main problem in our marriage near the end was that our neighbor "George" was always over or my husband would go over there and they'd always be doing stuff together....working on their cars, fixing their snowmobiles, going away on weekends snowmobiling, or working on George's cottage. I didn't want any part of that and when "Jim" and I went to bed at night, all he wanted was sex. I ended up saying no all the time which led to an argument.
I was frustrated with so much and my health was being affected that I decided I needed a break.
My husband "Jim" was hurt and bitter. We lost our house, we had no savings, so we didn't have much to fight over. My son stayed with "Jim" and my daughter stayed with me.
A month after I left, we went over to "Jim's" apartment to celebrate his birthday. It was great to see him and we ended up being intimate again. It felt great to be lovers and have no stress like before. This went on for about two months until he got a phone call from another woman. I just grabbed my bag and left. He ended up with that woman for a year and a half and my son came to live with me and his sister. But during that time "Jim" called me a few times and cried on the phone that he was so miserable. He even came to see me to talk about his misery. Well, he is the jealous type and he thought that she was seeing other men. He was very jealous of me also during our marriage. I just told him to stop creating fights for the wrong reasons and to try to make that relationship work. Well he tried, but the kids and I knew that he was definitely with the wrong woman. In that year and a half, I had tried to see other men and went out on three or four dates. I really didn't want anyone else. I knew I still loved "Jim" and I'd always be there for him when he needed a friend. He had also broken all ties with his friends "George" and another buddy. A month ago he moved out of her house and called us to tell us what had happened. So to try to shorten this....we have become a family again for almost a month now. I told him I didn't want things to be the same as before. But once againg, he is smothering me with his words and his affection.
It bugs me when he asks me for a hug or a kiss every 15 minutes. I have had my independence for quite a while now that I don't want to be with him every minute of the day. I can't even go to the bathroom without him asking the kids "Where is Mom?" I try talking to him but he always says how much he loves me and he doesn't want to lose me. I love him too, but I also want my own space, especially in our home. I'd like to be able to watch tv without him right beside me wanting a hug all the time. I am also frustrated about his reading problem and want to seek some help for him. I want him to be more independent.
Please help.

<small>[ August 03, 2002, 11:24 AM: Message edited by: Ronell ]</small>

Congratulations on your reconcilliation. It sounds like you have space needs that are incompatible with your hubbys security needs.

Talk about it, come to some sort of agreement and let him know how smothered you feel. Also try to be sensitive to the fact that he is feeling some security fears.

But once againg, he is smothering me with his words and his affection.

Ya know, I used to feel the same way about my husband...until he packed his things and left me for someone else. I was devestated...and would have given anything for him to come and 'smother' me again.

He came back after three weeks but I do not take his love and affection for granted anymore.

You might need to look in yourself and find out why you had your h come home.

I would give anything if my situation would end up with us back together. I have lost his trust and am going to have to get it back. This is encouraging though that it does sometime work out...

I would give anything to have your problems. I used to take my W's constant affections for granted also.
This led to her having an affair. Don't take your H's affections for granted, please. If you won't accept them, chances are there are others who will.

When my H, or cats, (yes, cats!) get too needy for my tastes I divert them with a toy or chore...

Another thought... he's trying to show affection. Maybe you could rack your brain and think of what KIND of affection YOU like. Then tell him to do that instead.

Call the library and ask them about literacy programs. Ask them how to introduce the subject with H so that he feels dignified and competent.

And lastly, sometimes we do things that we want others to do. Do some pre-emtive hugs. Just walk up and say "You're a Handsome Devil, and I'm the luckiest girl in the whole world" proceed to hug him. Then get on with the laundry.

-blueberry

<small>[ August 24, 2002, 04:31 AM: Message edited by: blueberryskies ]</small>