I've read about this policy in the books and the news letters; but, I have a question. To how small of detail do you have to negotiate an agreement? One could spent tremendous amounts of time in agreement and never get anything done! For example: My wife and I agree to build a shelve for our living room. We agree on a design and a color. Do we now have to come to an agreement on what type of fasteners to use, what brand of glue, what brand of paint, the size of the cutting saw blades, what direction the grain of the wood, etc? From this example you get the idea. With all the time it would take to come to an agreement for every single detail one could have the project done.

It all depends on how much you value your marriage. If your spouse feels strongly about such details, then, yes, their feelings need to be taken into consideration. Your good relationship with your spouse is far more important than the frustration you might feel about having your spouse express opinions on such small details as used in your example. The whole point of the Policy of Joint Agreement is that if both spouses don't enthusiastically agree on the matter at hand, at whatever level of detail either one feels is necessary - the other spouse does not proceed with their plans. To do so would be inconsiderate of their partner's feelings. I think your example is a bit extreme, however. I think most issues in a marriage which would benefit from this type of negotiation are less technical in nature, and more about the personal relationship. It will take practice, especially if you are not used to it. But you do nothing, absolutely nothing, unless you are certain your spouse enthusiastically agrees. It becomes much easier to do the more you practice it. I know, I've been there. Been used to making my decisions, acting on them, expecting them to be accepted as right because in most cases they were. But my BEHAVIOR showed a lack of consideration of my spouses' feelings. Get it? Our discussions are much more fun, fulfilling and interesting than they have ever been. So, to me the practice has been well worth it. Good luck.