PLease someone anyone I need advice and fast.
My husband and I have been amrried for five years, the past 7 months now it seems like he just dont care anymore.
We are in a big financial bind we have lost our funriture my kids beds and now our car is next.
He took his pay check this week all but 40 bucks and gave to his mom. WE are hurting and doing without but yet he gives his money to his mom. I dont understand this. She has helped with our bills the past few months and I thank her for that, but for him to give her his check and me and our 3 kids are doing without things we need aorund house ect... is wrong.
I have tried to get him to get into councling and he will not. IM fet up I cant take anymore.
I have concidered leaveing him but last time I left him he cut his own thraot and tried tot ake his own life. I had him comited for that and I thought he was fine now its getting back to like it was. IM scared if I leave him again he will kill hisself. And his mom blames me for that PLease help IM really hurting here and he wont talk about it all he does is yell in return. He is putting his mom before me and my children what do i do please someone anyone help.

We are in a big financial bind we have lost our furniture my kids beds and now our car is next.

You can live without furniture. Maybe you can find a way to live for a while without a car, like move close to work, your h can walk, take a bus or he can join a car pool. Find out where the local food banks and other assistance programs are. See if you can get some income assistance too.

He took his paycheck this week all but 40 bucks and gave to his mom. WE are hurting and doing without but yet he gives his money to his mom. I don’t understand this. She has helped with our bills the past few months and I thank her for that, but for him to give her his check and me and our 3 kids are doing without things we need around house ect... is wrong.

Could it be that his mom loaned him the money and she now needs it back for her own bills? I understand your frustration as you and you children need the essentials… shelter, food, and medical care.

I have tried to get him to get into counseling and he will not. IM fed up I cant take anymore.

If he will not go to counseling, then go by yourself. At least you will be dealing with the issues you are concerned with.

I have considered leavening him but last time I left him he cut his own throat and tried to take his own life. I had him committed for that and I thought he was fine now it’s getting back to like it was. IM scared if I leave him again he will kill himself.
And his mom blames me for that.

Your husband is using the suicide ploy as a way to make you feel guilty. Don’t buy into it. And don’t let his mom put a guilt trip on you, she is wrong. Just tell her in th sweetest voice you can muster that “He and he alone is responsible for any actions he takes.” It’s a sick game. If he has done this to himself with a knife, he is capable of all sorts of violence. Please call the domestic abuse/violence hot line in your area and ask them for help. There is a link to the national hotline at the bottom of my post. Even if it is determined that there is not an abuse/violence issue in your home, you and your children are in desperate need of help. They will be able to point you in the right direction. There is more then like some sort of food bank where you live and other resources available to you.

Please help IM really hurting here and he wont talk about it all he does is yell in return. He is putting his mom before me and my children what do i do please someone anyone help.

He won’t talk? Then you have to start looking for solutions on your own. Don’t do it in an ‘in your face manner’. This is not he throw his inability to handle all this in his face. The fact is that it takes two to make a marriage work and it takes two to keep a family viable. You need to start doing every thing you can to pull your weight in yo family.

Thanks for your reply Zorweb, but there is alot more here than that. His mom doesnt need the money she has money. She seems to baby him and at times feel as though she is trying to tear us apart. When he gets sick she is here and she ist he one who takes him to the docotr.
I cant even find out what is wrong from the doctors she has it fixed so they wont tell me anything.
I have spoken to a counclor in our area, and he says my husband is obsessed with me
but yet he loves me to in his own way. I love my husband but not the way I used to all this has changed the way I feel in many ways. HIs mom comes first always has. BUt when my family needs somthing he gets really ill and frustrated and he has a very bad temper he has never hit me but he gets realy angry at times it scares me.
Iam very unhappy and I try realy hard to make our marriage work but like you said it takes two and what can I do if im the ony one trying?
He is fine and happy one min then angry as heck the next. We have bought all the books and read them, but nothing is working with him. He talked to my brother yesterday about the money thing and my brother told him his family and kids should come first, and he got angry with him. IM lost but keeping above water as I say.
Ill keep you posted on what happens thanks again.

Hi Miya! Sounds like your hubby has some MAJOR Apron-Strings to cut - beginning with his Mother. His Mother is a conniving little so-and-so who has NO RIGHT to keep things from you - his wife! She is so wrong! I see a major confrontation looming here - and it's got to start with you telling her to BUTT OUT! Your hubby sure isn't going to, so it has to be you - hopefully with some friends or staff from your church. Is there any way you could get some manner of responsible control of the Family Finances? What your husband makes is by right supposed to go for YOUR care - not his mother, and he needs to read and heed the Bible verse where it says: "For this cause a MAN shall LEAVE his Father and Mother and cleave to his wife..." He isn't doing that and he needs to. I was almost married to a nice lady who couldn't cut her apron strings to her mother - so I cut mine to her and left her. Sad, but true. I believe I'm happier for it. Can you get into some serious counseling, as Zorweb suggested? Zor had some excellent advice, please read and heed!
God bless you, Miya.
Harold

Thanks DJ,
I have tried telling him and telling his mom to butt out but it dont ork at all she dont listen nor does he. He says she helps pay our bills right now he has every right to give her his check I understand him wanting to pay her back but my mom has helped to and she has never asked for anything back. She knows we have three kids and its hard.
With one vehicle tis hard for me to get a job we never have money for gas and he alwys has my car tied up. I have tried getting him to go to church but he always has some excuse for everything. IM at my wits in he yells and screams at my kids and gets angry very easy at somtimes it is like I have to walk on egg shells around him to avoid making him angry.
Heck he even gets angry at little things when he is on the computer.
I love him very much but im almost to the point to were I cant take it anymore. I actaully jumped on him for grabbing my son by the face the other night his reply was I didnt hurt him
he is okay. He even pops them in the wrong places at times.
The kids love him very much two are by a previous marriage and one is our child together but he punishes them or hits them in wrong ways alot of times and when i say somthing about it he gets really angry and upset.
I have to make a descision soon I know that, but im afraid of what he will do like the last time and I dont want to live with him trying to kill hisself again.
What am I to do when all els fails?

Miya - I read your post and can certainly feel for you. When you say that "we" have gotten all the books and read them, do you mean your dh read them with you? What did he think? Did you work together to make a plan? Have you stalled in implementing your plan or not started at all?

Dr. Harley has lots of good information, but it does have to be tackled one thing at a time. Either starting with agreeing to spend 15 to 20 hours a week together or filling out the joint agreement form would both be good places to start.

Should your dh start yelling at you, calling you names, etc., do not respond to his insults, but simply say "Ouch!" and walk away. Go to another room, take a walk outside, whatever you need to do to allow him time to calm down.

If he is currently handling the finances, then let him worry about how to pay the bills and handle the money for now. Do not ask him about the money, the bills or anything financially related. If he asks for your advice, tell him you are confident he will work something out. I think you will find when the responsiblity is totally his that he will come through and find a way to improve your financial situation.

Later, if you are able to work through Dr. Harley's plan, you might be able to work on your finances together. Meanwhile, by nagging and complaining about how he is spending the money or handling the finances, he probably is seeing you as trying to control him.

Does your dh have an on-going medical condition or are you just talking about occasional illnesses? You certainly should be aware of any medical condition he may have and I can't understand why your dh would keep this a secret from you. I'm not sure if this is the best advice, but if he has frequent dr visits for a medical condition, I think I'd ask a family member or friend to watch your kids and ask another one to take you to your dh's doctor while he is there being treated and find out what's going on.

Certainly if your dh is being physically abusive to you or your kids (leaving marks on them) then you need to take your kids and leave the relationship. Otherwise, it sounds like either the financial strain or possibly your dh's medical condition is placing a lot of stress on your dh and he is lashing out on you and your kids as a result.

WEll its happening im loosing everything.
My car is going to be repoer my phone is getting cut off and my lights are next:(
He kept his last check but we used it to pay our gas bill to keep it from being cut off his mom said she would help us no more unless we got a bigger place and let her move in with us/
I guess im figthing a loosing battle with her she seems to win no matter what I do.
My kids will not have a christmas this year I cant afford to get them anything:(
They are to young to understand. I feel like I have failed them as a mom.
With my phone being cut off I proberly wont be able to get on the boards for a while
BUt I wanted to thank you all for your kindness and support you have been a god send all of you.
I can go to the library and check my email so if anyone wishes to email me by all means please do so..
My email is sunineyes@hotmail.com
Take care and God Bless you all!