my marraige is going down hill fast and i dont know what to do. my wife says shes falling out of love with me and i have to put a spark back into the marraige. but the problem is she wont give me the chance. she says she needs time to find herself and sort out her feelings. im trying to give her her time but its ripping me to shreds. i need some advice. im all out of options that i can think of.

Hi Seelye,

Welcome to MB. A few suggestions for you.

You might want to repost under General Questions or Emotional Needs. Those have more activity and will increase the liklihood of a quicker response.

Also, if you can, provide more detail about what is going on. There is alot of veterans out here with some very sound advice. We are all hear for various reasons regarding our M or R.

Take care

Dear Seelye,

Do you have a list of the things she wants to have? Wants to do? What are her personal goals?

When you say you feel your relationship is going downhill, do you mean that W will not do things that are on your list of what you want her to do?

What things has she asked you for that you have ingnored or overlooked?

What can you do that is easy on the list? What progress can be made on the list of difficult items? Can yo try to be more responsive, to do simple items sooner?

Can you revised your wish list to better fit her changes in priorities/desires?

Have you asked her: What would you like to do? What would you like to have? What would you like to become? (Scientology processing questions) You may be able to help her find hersself by letting her talk, and giving her some active listening (from parenting books).

Are there ways you can give extra attention and support? Can you accompany her places she usally goes alone? Can you pick her up after work, at her work or school? Are there friends or relatives of W who can help you with your list of what she wants?

To Me, negotiating begins wiht a list of what you want, and what she wants, and finding ways to rank order each others desires, and find ways to compromise on the difficult issues. What difficult issues have you given up on? What are the clues that ther are issues left to discover?

Best of luck,