I am a recently married minister. One night while we were talking, my wife told me she had an adulterous affair with the minister that married us. This was b4 we married, but he was married. I believe they should have told me this b4 the wedding to give me a chance to change Officiants. The man in question is one I have had social occasions with, not a friend but certainly in the same circle. Am I wrong to feel like I was made a fool of?

No, it's perfectly reasonable to feel the way you do. It is noteworthy, though, to accept that your bride has been honest with you. That's an important aspect, since the affair is a breach of trust, and probably causes you to question your wife's integrity.

There is an excellent book available, called Every Woman's Desire, written by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoecker. It basically advises us that we are to honor our wives the way Jesus Christ honors his own bride, the church.

Often, Christian marriages have their struggles because both spouses can take a very simplistic interpretation of 1Corinthians, expecting the wife to be submissive and the husband to break all the ties. We must be spiritual leaders of our families by being good servants, as Jesus Christ, the son of God, served us by dying for our sins. It's a pretty high standard, but even human attempts at it can strengthen a marriage considerably. Christians are not immune to sin.

It's a good read, and had I known the material before I was married, I might have been able to avoid some of the problems my wife and I are experiencing at the moment.

I pray that God gives us a chance to atone to one another, that he softens her heart while she is deployed, and that she might forgive me for taking her for granted. Maybe in war torn Bosnia, she can reestablish her own relationship with Jesus Christ, and realize that it is Satan himself who breaks up families. Selfishness and the false promise of immediate happiness are his tools.

I'll pray for you, for strength, patience and guidance.

God Bless!

I would be extremely angry with what your bride did by not telling you and absolutely humiliating you like this. I would be absolutely furious. What a horrible way to begin a marriage.
What in the world was she thinking by not telling you before hand so you could select someone else. I am sure she has ruined the ceramony for you forever. What a hypocrite that pastor was. I just find her lack of integrity toward you astonishing. To do this to you is beyond reason. It sounds to me that selecting that pastor to preside over your marriage was not the only bad choice you made. I wish you luck.

While being angry is a natural response, it will do nothing to change the past, and just make your wife shut the door on being honest with you. You might want to calmly ask her though, how she would feel if the roles had been reversed? You also might want to ask her what other things from her past has she hidden from you? Explain to her that without full disclosure of the past from both of you, there can be no true intimacy and the marriage is most likely to end at some point in time. Good luck.