My husband had an affair last year for approximately 2-4 weeks. Hot and heavy for 2 and emotionally for 4. She was married and her husband found out. He told me and I found evidence to support it via old email locked in temporary files. Last week we received a disposition to show up at their divorce court hearing. They live about an hour away. I have never had to see what she looks like. We both have to go to court. My husband thinks we might be able to get out of it, but I don't think we will. It was more than I thought I could take and our marriage has been rocky since the affair. I think his impression would be our marriage was rocky months before the affair.Obviously.

I would like us to stick through this and continue to buid a life together. However I have my moments where I get depressed over the past and anxious about the future court hearing. My husband can not believe this is happening to us. He has finally accepted that he caused this situation. It was not something I was not giving him in our relationship. It is true he was not getting it from me. But he had many choices besides an affair and he alone created this court situation. He has finally started to let me know it was his "choice" and I was not to blame. I can't believe I did think it was my fault. It felt good to let that go even for an hour. I just wanted some objective advise about feelings on seeing the other woman face to face and how to get through this difficult time.

Dear CKBang,

An attorney may be able to represent your interests of avoiding having to appear to testify. If the Wife of the other man will admit adultery, then the divorce court may be able to award a divorce on the grounds of adultery. You may hire an attorney, with a limited fee arangement, to spend $500.00, for instance, to see if he could arrange for an affidavit or some way to avoid the court appearance.

If court cannot be avoided, then you can ask an attorney for a list of questions which you might be expected to be asked, so that you can prepare your answers. You can wrtite out your answers, find supporting documentaiton such a personal calendars, and practice speaking your answers, and even videotape your delivery of the answers to polish your delivery.

Adultery is a crime in some states, and it may be that your husband could take the fifth Amendment, and refuse to testify, and you could assert spousal immunity, and refuse to testify.

Another way to avoid a court apperance is to request that your testimony be by videotaped depostion, where the lawyers get to ask you questions, in a lawyer's office convference room, instead of being in court.

Quipper

Dear CKBang,

From a personal perspective, in court, you can untilize mystical personal protection force fields. I envision a clear plastic pyramid around me, four sided, reaching toward the sky or ceiling. Carry a Rosary, or anything that works to give you confidence. Go to Mass that morning.

Another aspect of protection, is your feelings of cooperation and righteousness with your husband.

In court, your husband's blame should be reduced, to the extent that your relationship with your husband is stronger.

You said something like I have not opened up to my husband. This sounds less than ideal for court, but I recommend that you consult a local attorney if that question is important to you, but improving your participation with your husband's squirting should also improve the marriage. As you point out, he had other options. But you have options for improving your participation in assisting the process leading up to squirting. How about over the phone? How abvout you pick out a video that is OK with you? I have massage tapes to which my wife has yet to raise objection.

There may be other aspects of your marriage which are great and strong. One of the MB books or articles says you don't have to have all 10 categories going, just do two or three on a reliable basis.

Quipper,
Searching for new scenarios for marital squirting.

Dear Ckbang,

It may not be all so bad to go to court.

You would have to emotionally detach from the
whole court situation, but your husband may need
to experience it. It may be just enough shock to never "feel a need" to do that again. I think
the courts do it to make all those involved in the A accountable and bring it into the open with all others also, kindof like what MB suggests. But you don't need to tell him that.

Even though it is embarrassing, it may leave a
long lasting impression on him.

Just a thought, hope it helps -Ladysheep

Dear CKBang,

If it turns out that you are in the presence of the other woman, one option is to avoid eye contact. There is a mystical power that becomes magnified during eye contact. The magnification can be more postive or more negative for you, but it is difficult to control, when ther is eye contact. If you are worried about her personal powers, then you may decide to maximize your neutrality by avoiding eye contact. It does not seem that she will be angry at you.

You might plan for your unexptedly losing your temper with her. You might caution your husband about looking at her. Your husband might should be worried about you being angry with him.

You say you want to work things out with your husband, but you do not give specifics of what you are trying to do extra to be more effective. You have not mentioned the areas of your marriage that are important to your husband, or what he is doing that is a love buster for you.

Why did Quipper write me three answers? Well it was actually 4, but I hit the wrong key, and the first one is gone, so I write a few paragraphs and post those before I hit the wrong key and they are lost.

Quipper.,
Still struggling after 28 years.