I been married for 17 years and my husband and I been thru a lot together. We practically grew up together and had two wonderful children. I am not blaming myself but during the last couple of years we were getting distance from each other either because of work of children demand. I learned last month he cheated on me. Is not the cheating that only bother me but the lie. He kept lying to keep the relatioship, in another words to have the cake and eat it. I forgave him because I love him and he asked me for his forgiveness and I accepted. My family said he will do it again but I love him very much and he justified the affair because I was neglecting him as a husband. He got tired at the time and decided to start the affair. The affair got so bad that the police had to interfere and warn her tto stay away from my husband <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Apparently he lied to her too and manipulated her to the point she did not cared about me in the picture. I need help to trust him again. Every minute I think he is with her. Is it worth to save this marriage? I love him to death but I am going crazy, because I think he is using me. Help!

Welcome 26

You are a member of a large club. Let me be the first BS to welcome you and offer some hope. First of all, it might be better to post on general or on just found out. More people will see it there.

It sounds like you love your husband. Read the book surviving the affaiir by Dr Harley. You also need to find out your husband's emotional needs.

Start Plan A.

It will be OK. It will be a new marriage, different, but it can be a very good one. I am 2 years out and we are doing well. It is a painful road, but I am sure it will be worth it if you love him. We too were busy with work and kids. Real life. The affair is a fantasy.

We changed a lot in these 2 years. There will be good days and bad. Yes he may still be in contact. That is something I have learned here. The affair will also most likely end. Got to go, I have a little one-Jersey girl

bump

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by new jersey:
<strong>Welcome 26

You are a member of a large club. Let me be the first BS to welcome you and offer some hope. First of all, it might be better to post on general or on just found out. More people will see it there.

It sounds like you love your husband. Read the book surviving the affaiir by Dr Harley. You also need to find out your husband's emotional needs.

Start Plan A.

It will be OK. It will be a new marriage, different, but it can be a very good one. I am 2 years out and we are doing well. It is a painful road, but I am sure it will be worth it if you love him. We too were busy with work and kids. Real life. The affair is a fantasy.

We changed a lot in these 2 years. There will be good days and bad. Yes he may still be in contact. That is something I have learned here. The affair will also most likely end. Got to go, I have a little one-Jersey girl</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

I feel for you. I found out 2 months ago that my H cheated for the second time. 1st time he says they didn't sleep together she says 1 time. I didn't believe him. 2nd time(different girl 2 yrs later)they had an emotional and sexually relationship for a year. I found out on my own. I don't know how long it whould have gone on. He claims it was ending but i didn't see any signs of it until i found out. he hasn't had any contact with her. I still don't know if i will ever beable to trust him. I am getting sick just thinking about while I am writing you. we went to a few counseling sessions. we have been working on it. He says he is sorry and it was just they he felt he was lacking attention. He thought it was love but says it wasn't. there isn't a day that goes but i don't think of it and think he almost ruined out family once again. (yr old son). i am scared and cry everyday. he really semms to by trying. I just wish i could talk to someone with the same problem. that is one reason why i read alot of the posts on here. I have started reading Surviving An Affair. I am not sure yet about the book I hope it helps. Keep in touch!

sp96

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by sp96:
<strong>I feel for you. I found out 2 months ago that my H cheated for the second time. 1st time he says they didn't sleep together she says 1 time. I didn't believe him. 2nd time(different girl 2 yrs later)they had an emotional and sexually relationship for a year. I found out on my own. I don't know how long it whould have gone on. He claims it was ending but i didn't see any signs of it until i found out. he hasn't had any contact with her. I still don't know if i will ever beable to trust him. I am getting sick just thinking about while I am writing you. we went to a few counseling sessions. we have been working on it. He says he is sorry and it was just they he felt he was lacking attention. He thought it was love but says it wasn't. there isn't a day that goes but i don't think of it and think he almost ruined out family once again. (yr old son). i am scared and cry everyday. he really semms to by trying. I just wish i could talk to someone with the same problem. that is one reason why i read alot of the posts on here. I have started reading Surviving An Affair. I am not sure yet about the book I hope it helps. Keep in touch!

sp96</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

Just the thought of my H ever sleeping with another woman kills me..He's a member of this adult male website, and i stumbled accross one of his posts, supposedly visiting a massage spa/parlor and ended up getting "extra service" from this woman, whom he claimed was good in bed.. I confronted him and he said he just made it all up, so just to have something to say..he assured me ( or least still trying) it never happened> Knowing him, i would never have thought he could do that, but what's disturbing for me is how he can write so vividly assuming he just made it all up...Should i just take his word for it and trust his word? Like evryone else here, i just want some peace of mind and thinking about that post he made stirs up something else quite the opposite of what i hope...what do you think?

>>>from this woman, whom he claimed was good in bed.. <<<<

Oow, there's a term I haven't thought about in years. Gross, I'm sure my H would describe his slut with those terms, though, thank God he hasn't. He has told me virtually everything, and his words haunt me. I asked, but I needed to be prepared to hear..."We got to the mountains, unloaded the truck, took off our clothes and went at it." OMG! Does that make anyone else sick? That little whore...who was twenty days away from her wedding!!!! Incidentally, the wedding was called off by her fiance after the discovery of this sordid weekend adventure. She had it coming! Got what she deserved, the slut.

WorkOutWoman,

You may find that you get more support if you post in the "Just Foundout" or the "General Questions II" forums. They are more geared to infidelity.

Have you read the book "Surviving an Affair" and the material on this web site? You might want to start with the "Welcome to Newcomers" thead. There is a link to it in my signature block.

WORKOUTWOMAN
I am with you on that. Knowing what my H did makes me sick. In fact after I found out I was getting "sick" for about a week. I couldn't eat without it coming back up. I close my eyes and imagine it and want to die. The OW and I talked and she didn't leave out any details. Thinking about it know I feel sick. I wish I knew when I would feel better and how long it will take to stop thinking about it. I have some post in the "Recovery" section read them. You are not alone. Take care!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by 2649nc:
<strong>I been married for 17 years and my husband and I been thru a lot together. We practically grew up together and had two wonderful children. I am not blaming myself but during the last couple of years we were getting distance from each other either because of work of children demand. I learned last month he cheated on me. Is not the cheating that only bother me but the lie. He kept lying to keep the relatioship, in another words to have the cake and eat it. I forgave him because I love him and he asked me for his forgiveness and I accepted. My family said he will do it again but I love him very much and he justified the affair because I was neglecting him as a husband. He got tired at the time and decided to start the affair. The affair got so bad that the police had to interfere and warn her tto stay away from my husband <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Apparently he lied to her too and manipulated her to the point she did not cared about me in the picture. I need help to trust him again. Every minute I think he is with her. Is it worth to save this marriage? I love him to death but I am going crazy, because I think he is using me. Help!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by 2649nc:
<strong>I been married for 17 years and my husband and I been thru a lot together. We practically grew up together and had two wonderful children. I am not blaming myself but during the last couple of years we were getting distance from each other either because of work of children demand. I learned last month he cheated on me. Is not the cheating that only bother me but the lie. He kept lying to keep the relatioship, in another words to have the cake and eat it. I forgave him because I love him and he asked me for his forgiveness and I accepted. My family said he will do it again but I love him very much and he justified the affair because I was neglecting him as a husband. He got tired at the time and decided to start the affair. The affair got so bad that the police had to interfere and warn her tto stay away from my husband <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Apparently he lied to her too and manipulated her to the point she did not cared about me in the picture. I need help to trust him again. Every minute I think he is with her. Is it worth to save this marriage? I love him to death but I am going crazy, because I think he is using me. Help!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">My unfaithful H is still telling untruths after 2 1/2 years. Every time I begin to trust again another lie comes out and I'm back where I started. My advice is to think very carefully before embarking on the journey your about to take. Mine promised to sever ties <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> with the OW several times but never did, until now?????It is the worst journey I've taken in my life. 14 years of marriage and 2 kids. D day was 12/28/00 <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

It has been a long time since I have been on this site. My H had an affair that lasted 1yr and 2 mos. I found out about it after she moved to a different state. It has been 1 yr and 3 months since he last saw the her. To my knowledge they haven't spoken in 7 months. I hope that he is telling the truth about that but I really have no way of knowing since most if the communication happened when he was at work.

It is very hard to trust him now and there are days that I wonder if trying to save this marriage is worth all of the heartache. I still love him and want things to work but I have no idea if he is being honest with me. I wish I knew how long it takes to get past an affair and a day doesn't go by that I don't think of it. I try to focus on the fact that he chose to stay with me and did not follow her to Texas. We live in Connecticut.

I keep thinking that if I hang in there and stay with my cheating H that it will one day pay off and I will be happy again. Until then I just try to get through each day and focus on the good things and not the bad. I just hope that one day I can find forgivness in my heart and move on.

The details of my H's affair are similar to the last respondent. My H had an affair with a person at work. I discovered the affair. OW (also married) moved away to another state and has since moved again to a different state. During the 2.5 years we've been trying to make this work he has been in correspondence with her for 2 of those years. I discovered he'd had her in our lives the entire time we were trying to make it work even though he promised he would never see or talk to her again. He disclosed this to me 3 months ago after I discovered they were in contact again - something just wasn't right. He says he's now closed the book on his relationship with her, sent an e-mail ending it which I read. During the 2.5 years I have discovered many things none of which were good, it was a roller coaster from he...... He never really tried. He now seems to have "seen the light" he is acting different unlike any of the other "attempts" to make it work. When things click it feels great, I remember why I fell in love with him so many years ago. I'm not so sure this is real or just a motion to keep his life intact. Plan B is looming in the horizon for us, but no final plans yet. Can a person really fall back in love with someone(me) that they have disliked for so long?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> If I had known what I was going to go through back on D day I never would have started this journey. My trust is shattered and I am unsure it will ever return.

In Feb. W moved out, i realized at some time there was another involved. W denies all to this day,, yet the OM has sent her flowers, phoned her, visited her, and runs around at work telling all how he loves my W.
A week ago while talking to my W, about her PPO, also known as a RO, i shared how it bothered me how i wasn't allowed to do this and or that, even phone my children, how a certain individual was allowed,,, i mentioned no names,, her response was that she almost ploaced a RO against him, that she didn't answer the door when he came over, and all she did was dog sat,,he runs around telling everybody how he is in love wtih her,,
Rather her affair was an PA or EA, i know in my heart i'm able to place it all behind us,,, remain resilient, forgiving, and forgetting.
Yet, i don't think my W will ever return,,