My spouse has sexual fantasies on school girls and wants me to wear a uniform and role-play. Is there anything wrong with such behaviour for a Christian? I feel used if i give in. What should I do? I need some Christian perspective on this matter. Thankyou for your help

Try reading The Marriage Bed

Christian website with some good links.

Dear Apple,

In Corinthians, Paul urges something to the effect that:

Women submit yourselves to your husbands; and Husbands honor your wives.

In that Passage, Paul is urging harmony between the Christians, and within Christian families. Certainly each individual man will have his own personal tastes, and each wife will have her zone of comfort. Marriage Builders encourages POJA, Policy of Joint Agreement, that partners work to find ways to accomodate each other, and find ways to gain the enthusiastic support of their spouse.

In Romans, Paul points out some differences of the Christians in Roman occupied areas, with the Roman Culture. Paul criticizes homosexuality as over-emphasized by the Roman Culture and representing a lack of morality which he observed in the Romans. Paul suggests that the Chritians in those areas be of good virtue and not adopt the Roman's frivolity in regards to homosexuality.

Some Christians feel that this passage is a bar against Homosexuality altogether. I see Romans as a call for moral integrity, using the Roman public displays of homosexuality as an example of a lack of morality.

Th Old Testament story of Sodom and Gamorrah is also about intgegrity and ethics. The passage is fairly clear that forcing traveling strangers to have sex was unethical. The passage speaks of obediance to God, and observing the Ten Commandments could be viewed as obedience to God.

One of the Commandments is not to commit adultery. This sounds like a simple admonition upon first analysis. With a deeper thought, this commandment places a duty on each spouse to assist the other spouse in avoiding the temptation of adultery.

Jesus is quoted as endorsing the Mosaic Law against Adultery, but with some reservations. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." Jesus said, when a woman adultress was brought to him, and everyone left without harming the woman.

Jesus also said that is was permissable for a husbvand to divorce his wife, on the grounds of adultery, when asked the question by some Philistines. So Jesus clearly felt taht adultery was unholy.

You say that you feel used when you give in. Well I do not get exactly what I want from my wife, everytime I want it, when I want it.

If men were to answer how many find school uniforms attractive, probably not a large percentage would have that need. But the challenge is to find some way to compromise, so that you can best meet your husband's needs within the boundaries of your comfort zone. Periodically review your comfort zone, to see if any better compromises can be acheived.

If you read about diffiduclties under Infidelity in MB, (Adultery Really), you will find many good intentioned women, who thought they were giving their husbands what their hsbands wanted. Some husbands had secret yearnings, which they never brought up to their wives; or which when brought up, were rejected, and never brought up again, and their wives assumed the issue was dropped and forgotten.

You are fortunate that your husband has brought up one of his unusual personal desires to you. In the Christian Marriage vows, each spouse promises to Love, Cherish and Obey the other. I could list out any number of possible compromises, but it is more important that you list out options that might work for both of you.

Negoitating can be asking for something that I want, and offering you something that you want. In marriage, things are less clear, as the bargaining lines are murky. If you read the unhappy stories of women whose husbands have been unfaithful, you may well think that wearing a costume once in a while, in private, may well be worth keeping your husband interested. Have you asked him if there are any other ideas he has to try out? The fact that your husband tells you about his ideas, means that you are miles ahead of many women who post here.

Best Wishes

Quipper
Married 28 years and still struggling

<small>[ August 19, 2003, 04:06 PM: Message edited by: Quipper ]</small>

Thankyou all for your advice. Deeply appreciate it.

God bless! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Dear Dustkitty,

Thanks for the link to THE MARRIAGE BED. I read some of Song of Songs to my wife last night, with optimal results.

Thanks,

Quipper,
Married 28 years and still struggling.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Quipper:
<strong>

Thanks for the link to THE MARRIAGE BED. I read some of Song of Songs to my wife last night, with optimal results.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is a link on another MB'ers sig line! We both thank them! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

"Christian Sex" was often thought of the same way as George Carlin's "Jumbo Shrimp"...!

In my life I've seen the topic evolve from being told by seasoned wives to just "close your eyes and think of England!"....To women after a Bible Study during prayer requests ask for help in reaching multiple orgasms!

The number of Christian books on the subject have skyrocketed, and they all say the pretty much the same thing. Everything between a "consenting" married couple is fine, except for viewing pornography. Now the book I need to write is one on how to get the spouse with the lesser libido to be "consenting"! I could sell a couple dozen copies to screen names here! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

How did God's gift of passion get so tangled in Church hierarchy? Here's a quote I came across that was referenced in a new title that Dr. Ruth has written on Sex Manuals through the Ages...

"Have you tasted your husband's semen in the hope that because of your diabolical deed he might burn the more with love for you? If you have done this, you should do penance for seven years on the legitimate holy days."
--Burchard of Worms, Medieval Sexual Manual (1012)
....I don't have the ISBN for Dr. Ruth's book, as I am sure it has many quotes to keep you in a state of nausea!

Two mature Christians gave me good advice. One directly said to me if I felt passion for my future husband?...when I said "BOY howdy"...she said "if the sex is good, then you can get through just about anything". And indirectly when I saw that a lovely old man, a memeber of our congregation was teaching the senior adult Sunday School on the "Song of Solomon", and he asked me for titles that showed it was a sex manual...then I knew that closing my eyes and thinking of England was not a sacrament!

Dustkitty: a dry sphere of dust that is either swept away or finds a safe place to hide.
Female...wife status @the moment. Learning to be real and reflective.

Dear Apple,

"Those who say they cannot follow the Policy of Joint Agreement are really saying what they want to do is more important than how you (their spouse) feels."
....Willard F. Harley Jr. PhD.

Your statement about feeling used with your H request says it all about this issue.

bill