Hi there, I have just joined the forums and I have found a lot of good advice and I hope someone can help or advise me in my dilema. I have been married for almost a year and it's coming up to our first aniversary soon, however our relationship has rapidly deteriorated in past six month. The problems began when my wife decided to change her way of life. About 4 month into our marriage she decided to become very unsociable, every time we wen't out with some friends to restaurant, pub or cinema there would always be some incident where by she would have leave the premises rapidly or even crying, when i later asked her what the problems was she would reply she didn't like the people or the food was bad or she didn't like the blonde haired girl next to us. basically she became very rude and critical of everything leaving me in emabrassment and I would often have to applogise on her behalf. A few weeks later she decided to give up drinking, going out on the town with my friends and instead she took on a spiritual course. Now I cannot have a down to earth conversation with her. Her beliefs have taken over her over life, she belives that she can get out of her body and do amazing things and so on. When I ask why the sudden the change she replies I have always been like that. So I now live with someone who practises their religion 24/7, it the first thing she does and the last thing she does. to make things complicated her beliefs are not one of your regular religions. adding to our problems is that I find she has become very lazy, she doesn't wan't to work or go to college, she just sits at home eat all the food and surf the internet sometimes until 5 am and then complain about her weight. I have suggested that she get some help but she replies that she is a much higer being and she in turn will help us. At times she can be normal just like you and me, so anyway this all very confusing, then a few a month ago I suggested that she goes to and sees her parents who live abroad for a few weeks, on her return she tells me she hates her parents and the usual neagtive approach, she tells me that she doesn't love me anymore but the next day I will be her knight in shining ammour. A lot Of my friends have recently had babies and I have taken some photos with me and the kids, her comments are shocking, and she herself never want's any kids which i hpoe i will have one day. I have tried my best so far to negotiate and reason with her but all seems lost. It seems that we no loger have anything in common, I don't feel comfortable sitting in the same room with her and my feelings for her are no longer the same, sometimes she will tel me that she doesn't want to be loved. basically it's just doing my head in. We are both in our mid 20's we have been together for 4 years. I am begining to think that maybe our marriage was not such a good idea after all, or we rushed in to commiting ourselves. Am I being paranoid myself or should I offer more support or should just I look out for my best interests.

Dear Mr. Zon,

My wife zones out into Christianity, and can go on for hours about things she has read in the Bible, or Sermons she has heard, or what has happened recently to friends and family that is proof positive that God exists. I sometimes ask her, can we change the subject when you get to a stopping place?

I am envious that your wife is an experienced astral traveler. If you care to disclose which religion she follows, I would be interested to know.

You said she has a profound reaction to the pictures of newborns. Does the lady protest too much? You seem to imply that you are delaying the chance of children for now.

Women can act crazy when they let their hormones get the best of them. My daughter left home and did not talk to me for four years, togehter with hating me, but my daughter now has a husband and two children, and we get along fine.

Of course there could be something that is entirely medical, like a brain tumor.

I would suggest becoming a better listener yourself. There are courses in listening. There are books of counseling questions. What would you like to do? What would you like to have? What would you like to make disappear? What would you like to change? Can you imagine lifting up the chair from the living room, and setting it in the back yard? What would make you happy?

Someone else posted that their wife was nuts, and I basically said the same thing. Hormones. Women are often not in touch with why they are having mood swings.

The problems in pubic thing sounds like some other posts also. I try to avoid going out in public with my wife even now, as she often finds some way to embarrass me. I have tried to develop the TV show image of George Burns with Gracy. "You would not believe what Gracy did yesterday!" And Gracy would always have a perfectly logical explanation of why she did what had astounded her husband. George Burns seemed to find entertainment value, and a shrug of the shoulders was a sufficinet reconcilitation.

Take 4 years, have two children, and post back. It may be wise to figure out what you are really interested in, for your future, and see if your wife can support what you want to do. My wife rarely supports my intersts and volunteer activities. I got married so I would have better inspiration for my volunteer activities. I ended up raising two kids, and putting volunteer activities on the back burner.

Now I am trying to figure out how to make my marriage work better.

Best wishes,

Quipper
Married 28 years and still struggling.

I am curious as to the way she was before you married her, 4 years courtship, right? Did she ever act that way before?
Weight gain and depression go hand and hand. The first year of marriage is very rough, I think, on a woman sometimes. They can feel as if they have lost their identity and aren't sure what their real role is.
She may be experiencing some psychological problems, maybe having to do with low self esteem, gaining weight, not feeling very important, and maybe even jealousy related to other women who may look better than her(in her eyes).
What is her religion? It might make her feel more important and that is why she is acting that way. Creating a world of importance for herself.
It is so difficult to stand by your mate at a time like this, but it is a true unconditional love that will survive this. Try and put her before your friends. She is your wife.
Maybe you could get her some help. Like a therapist or shrink. Make sure she is ok.(not delusional) Maybe over time, she will start to feel better. When someone feels better, they are more industrious. Work and social things come easier with self-esteem.
However, if she does not want to drink anymore, I think that is not a bad thing. Just a personal choice.
All of these things are just suggestions. It is just that I have been married for over a year now, and remember all the transitions I had to make. That is just one females perspective, and I am glad mine stuck it out with me. I think he is a precious jewel now. I respect him so much more.