Not sure where to post this, but after seing the 180 degree list thought maybe this was the spot. I've been married 13 years-two kids. My H is very verbally abusive and emotionally cruel. For 13 years I guess I have been codependent, though I worked full-time, ran the kids, did 90% of all the housework, cooking, grocery, lawn mowing/snowblowing, not much time for me. So I began volunteering for a animal rescue. One night a week I would clean cat cages, and once or twice a Saturday a month I would go to an adoptathon (bringing my daughter with). Instead of encouraging me and being proud of me it has been hell. He has screamed how I am neglecting my family, called me names, etc. The end of Dec. it was the worst--his mom stopped by and he decided that was a great time to tell her and me how much he can't stand me....my daughter was in tears, his mom was trying to reason with him and I sat in a crumbled ball in the laundry room wondering why I was staying. I have asked him to go to counseling-he said "no" there's no point with a 101 reasons why he hates me. I have been reading the praying wife, trying to sort this out. I know no one can tell me to stay or leave-that it is my decision, but is there a moment that a marriage is too far gone?

Have you read all the basic concepts here. It sounds like your H's love bank is exhausted and need to be rebuilt.

Although you have been doing a lot for your family, what have you been doing to meet his independent emotional needs?

For now, avoid putting any pressure on him for anything. I recomend reading His Needs Her Needs.

180 typically is a last resort method as is plan B. You need to focus on improving yourself as an individual that is desireable to him.

What were the two of you like 13 years ago How did you treat each other then?

Remember that his behavior will directly associate to yours. If you are crying, whining and needy, it will push him away further. Why would he want to be with someone like that.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Instead of encouraging me and being proud of me it has been hell. He has screamed how I am neglecting my family, called me names, etc.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Be understanding to this type of views that he has and calmly, rationaly, discuss them. Don't get defensive and confrontational. That only make things worse.

I good starting point can be
" I can understand you feeling that way, perhaps we can come to an agreement on a way that this can work for all of us"

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know no one can tell me to stay or leave-that it is my decision, but is there a moment that a marriage is too far gone?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yeah, I think so. But like you said, only you get to decide if that moment is now. Whatever you do, take care of yourself.

<small>[ February 03, 2004, 01:48 AM: Message edited by: DeNovo ]</small>