As I said previously, I'm new here and am seeking some advice. I am going on 12 years of marriage, one beautiful 4 year old child,... and about 4 years of "idontknows" from my spouse. It started about 4 years ago when he met a girl at work that he would go to lunch with and stay out late at night "talking" with - then he started saying he "had nothing in common" with me - then he started emailing and chatting with her and quickly closing his screens whenever I came by, so of course we ended up arguing. He also has explosive anger epsiodes, and has broken a refrigerator door and a light switch plate. I am not allowed to touch him, hug him or kiss him because it makes him feel guilty - he says he does not love me, but has not yet divorced me because of our child. I have told him that I want to save our marriage (even after many years of feeling cheated on and hurt) and our family. He does not know what he wants, but says he would probably leave things as they are (totally separate lives, under one roof) except for me not being OK with it. Even though they don't work together anylonger, he calls the girl several times a day, often late late at night, too, and they have lunch together. He swears they have not had sex even though the "opportunity arose, but we both decided it wouldn't be right and we're just friends". But isn't it emotional cheating? I tried to explain to him that I feel hurt because he is putting so much time and energy towards her, and none towards me. Part of me wants to tell him he can't see her any more if he wants to preserve his family, but the other part of me says that he is a guy who has often had friendship troubles, so I am sure that it makes him feel very, very good to have this girl as a "friend" for the last 4 years. What should I do? If anything.... I know many women would already have left, but I want so much to preserve my family....

hello thanks for writing.I just wish we all can be happy,it would make things so much earier and less painful.But thank God for Dr. Harley.At lease if my husband doesn't come back I will have learned alot from Dr.H. I'm sorry about your situation. Right now it's hard to give any advice I just wish you all the luck in the world and I'll keep you in my prays.Let's keep in touch hopefully our husbands will come to their sense before it to late. A friend of mine told me NO man is worth a good woman's tears. Now if I can just put those words into action.But it is so hard when you love someone and they just keep hurting you. He's been making alot of withdrawls from the love bank in the last couple of days I just hope he reads His needs Her needs before there's nothing left,I sometimes wonder if that's his intentions.
God Bless,
Lisa

Thank you so much for your support - it really helps so much just having that. Yes, I have wondered myself, and actually a male acquaintance once told me that some men are just "chickens" and won't divorce/break up but will do everything else and wait for the woman to do the work. I'm not sure I want to believe that, but perhaps there is a grain of truth in there, in that, if we give up, the other party is "off the hook" since they didn't "make the decision". This is where I hold firm to my beliefs, my value of family, and where I know that I want to do everything to preserve my family. I am hanging in there - and I pray for strength for us all to hang on and do what we believe is right. Thanks again, for your support.

RR-You will get more responses to your question if you post in General Questions section. There is a lot of support and information that can help you make the decision whether or not he is having an A.

MB principles work and I encourage you to read and learn everything you can here. No matter what happens in your marriage, you can feel really good about yourself and your choices. MB is about choices.

Blessings,

D.

Sorry to say this but it sounds like your H is having an affair. My FWH said the same thing "We are just friends" as did many others who where having affairs. It's unclear whether or not it's physical but it could be even though he says not.

You have come to the right place - MB. There is a lot of pain and sorrow, but also growth and loving and wonderful things for those who apply the principles.

I didn't want to write this and even signed off after the 1st post .... but something said do it.
It is better to know no matter how much it hurts so then you have something to deal with. MB gives you the tools to deal with it.

Blessings,

D.

As a man...I will say that I don't think we are chickens...we are afraid to get taken advantage of by divorce laws that favor women. That said...your husband is a jerk...he has given up, so there is no possible 'fix' for this. He has outright given you his decision which is more than most people get. Time to take action for yourself, before your life passes you by.