I have visited MB off and on for the last 3 years. I first came when I found out that my husband had an affair. We really worked on our relationship and were doing pretty well, but I think both us have kept divorce in the back of our heads if things do not work out.

My husband feels a lot of guilt and does not think he can truly make me happy. He says that after the affair his heart changed and if he cannot be happy how can he make me happy. He still loves me but feels a lot of guilt.

We are not perfect, I am not perfect but I still truly love him and do not want to be separated but at times he is just driving me crazy. He has asked for time to himself to try to work things out and he says if he cannot figure it out he will see a counselor - which he has never even contimplated before.

It is hard for me to be patient because he has done this one other time before where he was gone for a week trying to figure things out - and at that time I did not know if he wanted to still be married to me - it just drives me crazy not knowing. This was about 4 months ago and now we are going through it again.

A part of me is tired of fighting for our marriage and I want to give up, but I do not want to give him up. I don't know what to do. I know that he is not having another affair he just cannot get past the guilt - how much time do I give him?

You both need to start counseling now. No more time alone for him, IMO.

Are you certain he is not still having contact with OW or another A???

When a spouse says he/she "wants time alone to figure it out" it is a red flag!! I have been on both sides of the fence...my FWH's A most recently. I have felt and heard this line before....there is someone else he is "thinking" about...I would bet on it!!

You have 4 children who need you both!!! Please for their sake.....get into counseling.

It has helped me/us alot. My husband will never admit he is going to couseling for him.....it is all for my sake.....but that is ok. At least we are going and have a "mediator" to help us sort out our differences of opinion .

Good luck!!

I know where you are. My husband left after six years, he said he needed time to himself. Later I found out he was having a relationship with someone else during our time to think. He says he loves me and doesn't want to lose me but that he just isn't in love with me. We are best friends and I still want this to work. We have two kids including a two month old. Patience is no t one of my virtues, but I have to believe that he will come to his senses. Marriage for me is a total commitment, not one you can leave because you want freedom to come and go. Keep positive and try to find common ground with him again to build your relationship with. We have started counseling and this has seemed to at least help us communicate without fighting. Good luck