Hello,

This is my first post on this type of board ever! Hope you folks can help.

Ok, my girlfriend and I have been together 6 years. No we are not married and I realize that some of you view that as a negative thing. Sorry and please don't be offended. When we met she asked me to stay after a while. Things are cool, I love her. She has a son that is now 18 and just graduated a couple of months ago. He was 12 when we met. At first she allowed me to discipline him when he got out of line. No beatings, I did spank him once for lying to us. Again, not a beating. She is a very protective mother and she feels guilty for divorcing his bio-dad. I respect that to a point. This should not be permission to allow your child to manipulate, lie, and take advantage of you. He is a bright kid. He has had no real discipline therefore he hasn't had the desire to really care about anything too seriously. Through our relationship it has been one battle after another regarding him. We have split up becasue of this. And yes I did step out on her............ I have apoligized and really worked on showing her that I am really not that way. I just did not know what else to do. We were done. Every story has two sides but I am honest about my faults. I recognize them and try to work on them. Well here we are 6 years later and here we go again. I asked him to clean his room either before or after work, and instruced him that I didn't want his to hang out with friends until the room was clean. He said OK and left for work. After work he goes to hang out with friends. Please keep in mind that this is just one incident of many many incidents. I went to his room and started throwing thing out the window. She got mad and told me I was being ridiculous. I disagreed. She told me he was 18 and should have been asked. I have tried that before also, with no success. I also found two pipes as well. She told me that I knew the he smokes pot. I told her I was aware of that but I have asked him not to bring it in the house. She calls him on his phone and visits about me, "John is being a [censored] again.". Well, ok I am the who is wrong? I need your help. If I am wrong please tell me. He contributes nothing to the home, money, cleaning, etc. It takes an act of congress to get him to mow the lawn. To top all of that off, I have to put up with his attitude as well. She does too. He is desrespectful to both of us. I cannot deal with this until I have some answers. What would you folks do if this was your situation? Should I have once again just let it go? Or should I stand my ground? I am the bread winner in the family. And I feel I deserve more respect from him. Is that wrong? Should I just let him run the house how ever he sees fit?

take a chill. do you remember when you were 18? Was your mother with a man other than your father. He most likely doesn't even want to be around you. Just shut his door, don't look at his room. I still resent my mom for making me contribute $ since I was 16 yrs old.

I CAN UNDERSTAND YOUR FRUSTATION IN THIS MATTER I AS I'M CURRENTLY IN A SEPERATION STAGE BECAUSE OF A STEPDAUGHTER'S BEHAVIOUR, MY WIFE FEELS THAT A SEPERATE SET OF RULES SHOULD BE USED FOR HER DAUGHTER AND NOT THE OTHER 2 KIDS. HER BEHAVIOUR AT TIMES IS UNEXCUSABLE, TAKING THINGS OF OTHERS WITHOUT ASKING, THEN LOOSING THE ITEMS,
WHEN SHE DOESN'T GET HER WAY SHE CRIES AND USES QUILT ON HER MOTHER ABOUT BEING MOVED SO MANY TIMES,SHE IS 18 YEARS OLD NOT 10.
YOU HAVE TO DECIDE WHAT IS BEST FOR THE RELATIONSHIP AND SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO SWALLOW
ONE'S PRIDE,I AGREE THAT SOME THINGS CAN BE LET GO,BUT SOMETINGS CAN'T, BEHAVIOUR PATTERNS OF MANIPULATION ARE SOMETHING YOU CAN'T RESOLVE ON YOUR OWN, I TRIED AND IT TAKES TWO TO RESOLVE SOME ISSUES.I HAVE TRIED COUNSELLING TO RESOLVE SOME OF THE ISSUES, BUT IT TAKES SOME EFFORT FROM YOUR SPOUSE AS WELL.
GOOOD LUCK AND HANG IN KB

I feel your pain. This is a teenager for you, but that doesn't validate his behavior. My husband has a 17 y/o (I have no kids). At times I would get angry like you at the things that my husband would let the kid get away with. My husband didn't understand where I was coming either. Things that were a big deal to me weren't to him.

I learned that a spouse will support his/her bio-child no matter what, and that bond is powerful. I don't think she should be calling you names to her son, but that's her sin to fess up to. I have always felt that my husband has the final say in discipline, because that is his child sooo....

The only way I found to cope was to share my frustrations w/my husband, and if he shared the same concern, he could follow up on it, and things would be peachy. If not, then I would turn a blind eye (not confront the child), shut the door, walk away, wash your hands of it...etc. Also, I keep in mind that when the child graduates, they will be on their own, living elsewhere, and keeping their own place. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> This may not be the right way to go about things, but it does keep my sanity.