My husband is in the Army and we have been stationed in europe for 4 years now. He just got back from Iraq after serving 15months. While he was gone I took care of our children and in June 2004 had our third child (which he was not here for). I also held a full-time job for most of that time and made my own money. I teach elementary school but this year I can not work. We are getting ready to go back to the states in Nov so I will be able to get a job then. My problem is while my husband was gone I heard all the time how valuable I was and amazing I was for accomplishing the things I did. I never once heard about the MONEY. Now he is home and he is the only one able to work. We have one car and I am not allowed to use it during the day. He says it is too valuable to his job. He also says that I am not allowed to spend any money without his approval and if I do I hear about it - believe me - so I don't. While he was gone I had complete comtrol and now I am just a house wife and a mother to his three kids that doesn't work or make any money. I am getting really depressed about this and when I mention this to my husband he just says I am being too dramatic and he is just trying to make sure that we have money when we leave to move back to the states. He will be getting atleast $3000 to move and $3000 from our car when we sell it before me leave - I don't think we will have a money issue but he is really hell bent. I can't wait till I can work and make my own money again so he will not be so in control of things. I am 30 years old DAMN IT and I think I can do shopping and spend a reasonable amount of money without putting us in debt. PLEASE give me advice on how to get through this. I am closing up emotionally and slipping away.
Mrs. Army_Wife

Dear Army Wife,

You may want to post this question on the "Emotional Needs" boards, which has a ton more visitors than this one.

In the meantime, read everything you can on this site regarding Dr. Harley's basic concepts. By the way, when you married, you became a partnership, in which no one has licence to make selfish demands.

Sincerely, and be strong,
Eleanor

Owch! Lot of us on the emotional needs board have lived with this. It is not fair and very stressful.

It will make you crazy. If i were you I would consider going back to work when you can

Army_Wife98-

I hope I have some info that can help. I don't know your financial situation or family spending habits. Was your H this concerned about $$$ before going to Iraq? Is he controlling about other things?

If he would be open to the idea, you might want to contact ACS to form a budget until you get back to the states. That might help ease his concerns. If he doesn't want to go with you, you should be able to contact them yourself and do it to show him you have some leway with what he brings home right now.

I am in the Army and have an understanding of how big of an adjustment it is when your H comes home from deployment.