Obviously my marriage is in jeopardy. This is the fourth time we have been seperated. Each time there has been others involved. The three times previous, my wife has decided to try to work things out. Each time I would accept most of the blame. I know now that I should have not. Each time neither of us made efforts to try to work it out together, it was always each of us working on our own, doing what we thought would help the marriage. I recently bought the book His Needs, Her Needs. I have been reading it. Anyway let me get to where I am currently at.
I have rededicated my life to the Lord 8-1-04. God has helped me immensely through all of this. And I am certain now that it is His will that we get back together and work things out. She recently told me she wants to try to work things out, yet it has been almost two weeks, she has not spoken with her previous Pastor yet (she quit going to church shortly before she left to be with him), which she agreed to do. She still sleeps in the same house of the man she is having the affair with. I do not know that she is still...well anyway. Basically I feel like I am being strung along. Because if she wants to try to work things out...why is she still there? What should I do ?

Dear reborn. This is hard because you've opened yourself up and told her you want to try again, yet she is holding back. I can't tell you what to do but I'd like to share what I've found in my own relationship during times when hubby and I were on the outs.I've found that if I made an offer to try again and he didn't immediately respond, then I needed to step back and wait to see what happens. If I try and push for a solution, he would often back away. I'm not saying I just sat here and twiddled my thumbs, I just didn't push. During the time I did wait, I concentrated on my own life, took care of some things I needed to change and filled my life with friends and activities, so just sitting around wasn't part of my plan. Thing is that if hubby would not have come around in a reasonable amount of time, I would have moved on, but fortunately, he did. And deciding on what IS a resonable amount of time is individule. I wish you well.
nancyleeh

Nancyleeh,
Thanks for the advice. Is what I have been trying to do, we have been seperated since July 25th this year, as already stated she has recently told me that she wants to work things out. Will not go into too many details, but she is concerned about what to do about her current peers since all of them, including him rely on her for transportation, and she knows if she comes back, she can not do that anymore. Yeah at least she knows this much. Anyway, I just doubt her sincerity in her stating she wants to work things out. She had recently started a new job just before she told me this. It was at the same place that I am working, it allowed us to talk and see each other for 10mins or so each day. After she told me she wanted to work things out, she quit. Said she did not like the work, or the hours. A few days later she was spending her last paycheck on things, definitely not needed for the care of herself or the kids. She seems to be focused on self indulgence. Anyway I was doing better before she told me this, even though it is something that I desired to hear from her. Now it feels like the pain that was consuming me from the inside out, has intensified to a factor that I know that I can not bear too much longer. This alone scares me. I know the Lord does not put you through something you can not handle, and I thought the pain before was unbearable, I do not even know how to describe it now, other than Psalm 38 is almost sufficient. I completely understand the pain that David was going through when he wrote it. Part of me wants to believe that She only told me this so that I would not get DSS involved over our two kids. Which I am going to do soon regardless of how long that I am willing for her to come back. All of me at the same time wants to believe that she meant it, but that is the part that hurts the most. Since I would like to think she would realize that her saying she wants to work things out, but continues to sleep in the same bed as him, hurts me more than ever now. Going to close now, I try not to think about this at all, I am better able to cope with it then, and here I am dwelling in the muck as I call it. We are suppose to meet this Thursday, again I will be at a loss as to what to say, but somehow out of all the times we have sat and talked since the 25th, I have been able to voice what has been eating at me without causing an negative turn of events, I will trust in the Lord that this will happen as well this Thursday. Not sure if you are a God fearing, bible believing person Nancyleeh, but if you are I would ask that you pray for me.

God Bless.

Dear Reborn,
I certainly will keep you in my prayers. I do hope that your marriage works out and your wife is willing to do what is needed to mend it and you have the strength to do what ever you will need to do as well. I'd like to suggest a book to you and I hope it is appropriate to do so in this forum. It is called "The Exemplary Husband: A Biblical Perspective by Stuart Scott and John MacArthur. It is an indepth Bible study book that complements the book for wives titled "The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace. If your wife is a Christian, she will find much wisdom in this book too. I do wish you much peace on your journey.

nancyleeh

Nancyleeh,
Thanks I will look into the book. Yes my wife is christian, just not a practicing christian right now. Kinda conflicts with her current lifestyle right now. Thanks again, thanks for the prayers.

God Bless