Hi Tara,
By your description it seems that your husband is not a good mate for you. Is that the impression that you wanted to make? Is that what you believe? Do you have hope or are you looking for a way out? Since your posting is in the "negotiating" section, is that what you want to do? Have you read Harley's books?
Although you didn't say that your husband is having an affair, there is a good section in Harley's "Surviving an Affair" about ending a spouse's affair one way or the other. It's called plan A, plan B. You'll have to take control of the situation, be very specific about what you expect, and set a time table for the change to happen, or plan B takes affect, which also has a time table.
Actually, I came to this marriage negotiation section to see if it's the right place to post my plea for help. My wife and I have been married for 23 years and we have/had a horrible sex life, (at least I do). I had an affair a year ago with every intention to leave my wife. Then, when the time came to make the decision, I couldn't leave her. I'm not trying to tell my story here, but just saying that it's a tough decision. Our sexual problems are still as bad as ever, but our communication is ten times better than it used to be.
It's also tough to describe your marital problem in writing. I could write a book about my marriage, but who would want to read it? But I think you've left more questions than facts in your brief summary. I can only wonder why you married this person in the first place. I'm reading a new book now by Hendrix, Getting the Love you Want. I got it from my brother, my wife has almost finished it, and I just got through the intro and first chapter last night. It is a bit more of a review of your life than Harley's books. It seems to be headed toward finding out why you chose your mate more than the fix-it approach of Harley's.
Hope you write some more.
Dave.
