My H and I negotiated several things in premarital counselling and I made it very very clear that my career is extremely important to me. I feel like my whole life I have been geared up to do what I do in my career and now that we have 3 kids, the rules have changed. H is being so so controlling,he has forced me to give up everything careerwise (even though I feel we had stellar childcare and the kids were so happy with her)mostly because of pressure from his family (who of course weren't in the counselling sessions). I am happy with my kids and I love them so much, don't get me wrong, but I am still grieving for what could have been in my career...and I am still so angry towards his family for what I feel they did and continue to do to me. And to my H for listening to them. Sometimes i feel like his family was jealous of my successes (I am a classic overachiever, tons of awards for athletics, academics, comm. service, overeducated; I have been told that I am considered to be one of the best in my field by my colleagues - coincidentally, my mother in law is in the same career... hmmm...). Water under the bridge. My problem now is to deal with this hand that has been dealt to me. How can I get over my rage? And why am I so angry? I should be pleased as punch to just be with my children!!!! What's my problem!!!!

TheChristyMinstrel,

Why is his families opinion of what YOU should do as husband and wife for YOUR family--more important than YOUR decision??

Why do they have more input than you?? I would have a huge issue w/ that too--

It is not water under the bridge, if it still bothers you--don't push your feelings aside just because his family disagrees that you should have a career--not everyone is cut out to stay home all day with their kids--

Maybe it's something his mom wanted to do, and couldn't--so they are trying to impose that on you??

Talk to your husband--let him know how YOU feel about this--and how it's beginnig to build resentments in you towards him and his family--

Let him know--Honey, this is something YOU and I agreed on about how OUR marriage will be, this is not your parents marriage, this is not your families marriage--this is OUR marriage--and what is best for THEM is not necessarily best for US
as a couple--

Yes, I like the fact we can afford for me to stay home, but I am not happiest staying home--and I feel like a part of me is dying--which I am afraid in the long term will harm our marriage--

can we revisit this issue--based on OUR opinions
and not everyone elses??

Thank you TR - I'm going to try it!

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