I'm new here, and am feeling (at the moment) absolutely desperate. First of all I KNOW I've been handling this situation all wrong, threatening, ultimatums, yelling, at the moment J won't even talk to me, but I really have no idea as to what to do, or say. All I know is that I in desperate need of ideas or the next five months are going to be hell (again!).

Now for some background.

I've been married for three years now, lived with J for two year before that, in total we've been together a bit over 7 years. We have one two year old daughter together and I'm 4months pregnant with our second "little monster". Anyway this is where the difficulty arises, J is in the navy, and as such doesn't seem to have (or think he has) much control over his fate or time. This baby is due in May and in May he expects to be in Halifax -- literally the other end of the country. I KNOW HE COULD CONVINCE DND TO LET HIM STAY. It has been done before, it may slow down his career, or it may make life at work very uncomfortable for him for a time, but he would receive no reduction in pay, and more than likely regular hours if he was on shore. Thing is he refuses to comit to staying. He'll say he'll try, he'll say we'll see -- or any other number of dodges, finally he told me to let it rest, that he doesn't want to be stressed at work and at home. I told him I'd lay off if he'd just say the words and commit -- promise -- to being here in May. I have NO family and precious few friend in this province, and aside from his mother (who may or may not decide to come, and who I can't stand) nobody in either our our families could drop everything and fly down here to come help me for a few weeks or a month. Sure I could hire some help, or ask one of my neighbors to watch my daughter and give me a hand when the little one arrives, but really WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO. I have a husband who suposedly loves me shouldn't he be willing to make a few sacrifices, willing to put me first - for a change.

OK, this has turned into a rant. What I'd like are some ideas of alternative ways to talk with J, preferably without yelling, or crying. I know I have to get over the idea that there is only one solution to this issue, but the fact is I really believe he should be here. I need him here. I still resent the fact that he didn't take one day off of work when our daughter was born. If I'm still angry about that, how am I going to deal with him not being here at all when this baby come. -- SC

I was in the Army when both of my kids were born. When the first one was born I COULDNT be there due to being in a combat zone. When the second one was born ( a month early, or so the Dr says 9 pounds 6oz is early??) I was SENT back from a training mission.

I cant give you any advice on talking to him about it. It sounds like you know HOW you have to handle it. But if push comes to shove the chain of command works for you as well as him.