Hi everyone. I am new here. I need some advice about my marriage. I dont know really where to begin. I lost my mom this year and have not been myself since. I have been married for seven years. My husband is very controlling and has always been. I feel captive sometimes. I feel he hasnt been there for me this hard year and has made things completely worse. He drinks, not an alcoholic, but when he does he is unbearable even around our kids. He has done some crazy things lately and i have always put up with everything but i just feel 'done'. I feel as if i dont have the energy anymore. I can honestly say the reason i am with him is because of the kids. I guess my question is, If i am completely unhappy do i stay for them? I dont know what to do. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks in advance!!! Peace.

Try posting this over in the Emotional Needs forum as it seems to get more traffic.

On the "for the kids" issue... What good is it for the kids to see you unhappy? You are the model of how a wife should be treated, how a marriage should work. If you have girls do you want them to think it's okay to be treated as you are? If you have boys, do you want them to grow up and treat their wives as their dad does you?

There just are way more important factors determining whether you should stay or go than the kids.

Dear MD123,

It doesn't sound like you really have any grounds for seperation from your husband. If he has not been unfaithful and he is not being abusive then I encourage you to stay with him. In fact, about the only time I advise a spouse to leave is if there is physical abuse taking place.

My advice is for you to 1) Pray for your husband, and 2) Respectfully request that he sit down with you when you have some time and explain to him how you are really feeling about your marriage. In doing so, don't be accusative or insulting. Start by telling him how much you love him and how you want your marriage to be the best that it can be. Then explain to him exactly what you are feeling.

I know it is difficult, but you should also focus on meeting his most important emotional needs. It may be that his Love Bank is a bit down. If this is the case it will make it harder for him to listen to you.

My prayers are with you.

" If i am completely unhappy do i stay for them?" My question is, if things at home changed with your husband, would you still want to leave?
I am in a somewhat similar situation. My input for consideration: If you feel that strongly about the need for something to change, what is there to lose in being up front with your feelings, and doing what is necessary for yourself and the children to be emotionally healthy? I am not suggesting neglecting your husband, or criticizing him. The answer may be to set some boundaries in your home. Easy to say, not easy to do. I am in the midst of deciding to do this myself.