I feel that there are things that I do not like about the way my wife raises our children, cleans the house, and general life organization. I feel that the way she does things makes it so I have to deal with it her way, but she does not have to try to do it my way. I don't have a chose because she just does it her way. Now some people say well why can't you do it her way? My answer is that I do things her way, but there are some things that I feel that should be done my way. Why or how can I get her to do it my way. I feel that I should just make life miserable until she does it.

Some examples...

Her - let's the kids put away toys where ever and whenever they want.
Me - Feels that the kids should put away there toys, respect their belongings, and put them away in the correct spots.

Her - Allows clean unfolded laundry to sit around and not be put away. The clean clothes get mixed up with the dirty ones and she has to clean them all over again.
Me - After I do laundry I put it away right away!

Her - Mixes towels, both boys, the babies, and her clothes all in one load, making it very difficult to fold and put away.
Me - I do towels with towels, my clothes with my clothes, ect. This way when it's time to put things away it's much easier.
She thinks I'm crazy to do this.

Her - Throws dishes into the sink, cleans some dishes by hand, but mostly makes a unorganized crazy mess of dirty dishes.
Me - Here is the crazy part... I use the dish washer that we bought. I put away the clean dishes and put dirty ones back in. Yes it takes me some time, but I get a lot done with out having to wash them myself.

Someone help me!

Does she leave her shoes in the middle of the room, while you put yours away? Does she put the toilet paper on so it comes off from the back side, while you do you do it so it comes over the top? Does she wad up her paper money in her purse, while you organize yours in order?

All the stuff you mentioned tells me that you and your wife are very different personalities - BTDT. Neither one of you is right or wrong, so don't waste your time trying to educate her. It won't be easy, but you need to learn to compromise and negotiate. Don't ask me how - I could never find a middle ground with my ex, we were way too different.

AGG

BrentD22,

I'm curious why is her way wrong?

If you have a problem with the kids not putting their things away in whatever place you think is the right place---then TEACH THEM where you think the proper place is for them to put their things--but don't try and change your wife--

And just because you and your wife do dishes and laundry differently doesn't make HER WRONG and YOU RIGHT--nor does it make YOU WRONG and HER RIGHT--
what is easiest for you, isn't necessarily easiest for her--

I'm not sure what the situation is like at your house, but when you or her are doing laundry are you also dealing with kids under foot??

And if the clean clothes don't get put up right away, is that always her fault? Do you put your clean clothes away or do you expect her to do it for you? How old are your kids? Could they put their own clothes away?

I'm curious though, what about having all the clothes combined makes it more difficult to fold them all??

I wash towels seperately--but my daughters just toss all of their things in wash together--towels,
darks, whites, everything--but then that is when they are doing 'their' laundry--for whatever reason they find it easier to wash everything together in one load--no reason for *me* to get stressed over their choice--

And if she prefers to wash the dishes by hand then that is her preference--but that doesn't make it wrong--I don't care for dish washers either--I prefer to do them by hand--

So it's really not about either one of you changing--except to learn to respect your differences in these things--

Are you going naked? Do you not have clean dishes to eat off of? If your answers are "no" then you have nothing to complain about.

If the way she does things really bothers you, do it yourself.

When you "correct" her, it is like telling her that she is stupid and incompetent.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> both boys, the babies </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She has enough to deal with. HELP HER!

I agree with Livingbygrace but I will explain my reasoning behind it. When I met my ex bf of 7 yrs his house was so dirty, it took me 4 hrs to clean a small bathroom, an hour the screen door and I took a garbage bag, held it at the end of the coffee table and lifted the table to dump the contents. This is to give you an idea. Not that he enjoyed living that way but it just did not bother him, he would make some attempt at cleaning before his kids came to visit but the actual "cleaning" was never done. When we moved in together I did a thorough cleaning and once a wk the whole house would be cleaned again and kept up. He never helped, I *****ed, complained etc until one day he said "just cos it is your standard of cleanliness it does not have to be mine, you want it clean then clean it, I don't care what it looks like." So it was not worth it and I just cleaned, I agreed with what he was telling me and I also knew that if for any reason the house got messy or dirty or I felt lazy etc that he would never complain.

Weird, but my bf now is the exact same way, you could not see his countertop for the dishes, fur balls the size of tennis balls from his dog etc and he feels the same way. He does pick up after himself though and feels that my teens should be helping more but that's another story. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Marie

HI BRENT:)

Is your W a SAHM? How many kids do you have? A big misconception about sahm is that we do NOTHING all day. Just b/c you come home to a dirty house doesn't mean she doesn't do her share!

Example- dh works long hrs' so ALL the chores fall on me and the kids. We clean 2x a day. Once after brkfst, and once in the early evening. If you come to my house during those inbetween times, it WILL look like I've been sitting around all day. I do try to have the house clean by the time dh gets home, but sometimes it doesn't work out that way. We have a large family plus I Homeschool, so sometimes I'm just too beat. Luckily he doesn't complain, but once in a while I Can see in his eyes he WANTS to. I agree the kids ahould be responsible for their messes. Dh &I both enforce chores for our kids. Maybe you guys can get a schedule/routine going...a calendar of sorts! If you have a set goal then stress isn't so high. We clean our bathrooms , the upsatirs, and the hallway leading to the basement on Fri's. If it's Tue and all these things are messy, we know in the back of our minds they will be spotless by fri. If she's overwhelmed maybe you can agree to do dishes on the weekend or something. IF she sees you are trying and that this really bothers you, it will motivate her to be a better housewife.

Us women are won over when our dh show us grace, not a lecture. IF you are complaining while doing the dishes, you may as well not be doing them bc that defeats the purpose! Communicate communicate communicate <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<small>[ January 17, 2005, 06:49 AM: Message edited by: gimmestrength ]</small>

Being a SAHM is the most difficult and thankless job there is. I could work from morning to sunset (ah yea I do) and still have the house look like a bomb went off.

You need to break the jobs down.

Child Care. Just child care is a full time job. Not including cleaning. Day cares have someone who will make snack and clean.

Laundry. Full time job again.

House cleaning. This is a job for two people.

Cooking-oh yea, where does the food come from-yep-planning, budgeting and then food prep and cooking

Bills-another large job.

Add in family birthdays, celebrations, dry cleaning, office gifts, christmas shopping, writing cards, thank yous, oh my God I could go on and on.

Let me put it this way. I was very high level, 6 figure type before becoming a SAHM. THIS is the toughest job, and you get no rewards from the outside world. My H also complains, yet when he had time off he did none of the jobs, he just does it is spurts which is easy, because I used to do that too. Day in day out it is the toughest job there is. He told me to get a hobby since I was doing nothing anyway. No one could understand how difficult a job it is until you do it full time. Been there, done that-hire a maid two hours a day and give her your instructions and let your wife get some down time. You are dead wrong here.