My fiance and I have been trying to live by the policy of joint agreement and are stuck on something...

He's been notified of upcoming layoffs and it looks like he might lose his job. He would like to train to be a transport truck driver.

I originally absolutely didn't want him to be a truck driver (too many people I know drive truck and I don't want that lifestyle). I came around and suggested that driving truck would be okay if he's home every night - i.e. short-haul.

He's arguing that he won't make any money driving truck unless he's doing long hauls. He's only got his high school diploma, so there aren't a lot of other jobs that he's qualified for. And, although he's very intelligent, it's hard to get a break doing a well paying job without a better education.

So I've suggested that he go back to school, but he doesn't want to.

Can someone else please make a suggestion or two as to another route this disagreement could take? We're trying to find middle ground that would suit us under the policy of joint agreement.

Thanks!

Cat A,
Talking from experince of a railroaders wife for 15 years, I would suggest if he does do this you go with him and or make it your career as well,as a husband and wife team, after you marry. Otherwise I am affraid you two will not make it to the alter.It takes a special kind of women to love a man and trust a man to be gone away from the home alot and I do mean alot, it may work if you are an independent person and always remember he is his own person as well. You need to know if he does do this and you choose not to go with him, he will not have much time for you or the relationship. I know that in this day and age transportation and medical are the ways to go as far as having a steady job. Maybe you could suggest he go into the medical field there are alot of choices and there are alot of 1- 2 year college courses he could take. I am talking from experience and I would really hate to see you two go down this road, expecially since you two are talking marriage. I could say alot more on the subject but I will leave it at this for now.
Misty 120

to husband:
Please don't be selfish with your decision. Think about her feelings, and how the decision will impact your relationship. No amount of money is worth hurting the person you love. This is a crossroads, do what is best for both of you- you are young, take avantage of the choices and options that leaves you. You can surely come to a compremise on this one. I am sorry to say I do not believe over the road anything is good for any relationship, ESPECIALLY not newlyweds!!

Sounds like you have some major choices to make.

Is this REALLY what he wants to do? If so, then let him make that choice, as it's HIS future too.

Now, based on His decision to become a truck driver or not, you also have choices, do you really want to be married to someone who travels so much?

If not, you do have the choice to NOT get married.

Sometimes that is the most loving thing you can do, is to let them go. It doesn't mean you don't love him, but it just means that you know you don't want a marriage that your alone the majority of the time.

It's actually respecting both of your needs, his need to work in a career he wants to, and your need to not have that kind of marriage.

If he really doesn't want to be a truck driver, what else would he want to do?

But don't think that just because your engaged that you HAVE to get married.

Thank you for the replies.

We got married mid-May after a 15 month engagement, it was a wonderful day. Neither of us was very nervous as we both knew that it felt right (we talked about it afterwards).

He was laid off 10 days ago. He plans to go back to school for training in something that we can agree on - he has admitted that truck driving isn't the way to go.

I think that part of his desire to be a driver is because he saw his father and cousin both make a lot of money. Having said that, his cousin has been laid off and his father's hours have been drastically cut. My H has seen that truck driving may not support his family the way that he had thought of.

When I first posted this question I was very new to MB - I believe that it was my first post, in fact. We have, in the last five months, really applied MB principles, POJA, Radical Honesty - Dr. Harley's approach to our relationship. It has helped us immensly.

I do believe that we have a much better chance of beating the odds now, and that together we will have a happy, healthy marriage.

We have used the POJA approach in our discussions regarding money, when to have kids, what to do on the weekend... I can't think of anything that could have helped us more.

Again, thank you for the replies.

Cat