I married a man whom everyone adores. He is a sweet, caring and sensitive man who always try to accomodate me. He helps me in my work, he gives me support and encouragement and he plans for many sweet surprises for the past seven years we've been together. My parents love him amd my friends envy me. I truly appreciate all that he has done for me and I expressed my appreciation without reservation.

Things began to change a little bit couple of months ago. Initially i thought it was due to his work stress. He said he needed more space and time. I only knew it very recently that he has given up many of his activities with friends and he has been sweeping all these needs and wants under the carpet just to make time for me, as his job requires alot of time out of the country.

I found out subsequently (mid Dec 04) that he had been seeing a girl that he said he could connect well with. They started 6-8 months ago and he said he felt the bond between them and he did like her. He said the girl did not mind him staying married but he had a hard time coping with lies and guilt. He broke it off with the girl soon after the A (he called it a fling) came into light. But at the same time, he wanted a seperation for the two of us to "sort out his thoughts". Since a month ago, I've been staying at my parents.

We attended out first counselling session last week. What i gathered is :

1) We have many differences - incompatibility. He knew it well before we married but he thought then differences wouldn't be a big issue and it could be resolved.

2) The A did not amplify our problem. It just bring him back to his life style before we're married. He wants the freedom.

3) He is now at a cross junction : He is not sure what kind of outcome he wants.

4) I made my stand clear : I want reconciliation and I'm ready to put the past behind and start rebuilding the marriage. I read alot of books and I'm ready to make it works.

Sometime before the A was uncovered, he went for 3 fortune-tellings at different places, all known to be rather "famous" and they all 'predicted' the same thing : he will remarry and the character of his spouse is very different from me. This poisonous jab of 'advice' almost destroy his faith in this marriage! He said he regretted going for it but he needed direction badly so he approached the so-called "supernatural" . Results proven : It has done more harm than good. He is even more lost than before!

We've been in contact since I moved back to my parents a month ago. We met up only after the first counselling session but i've not moved back. We went to his parents' for dinner once and he brought me out to buy golf shoe and golf set that he had promised me a while ago (he never stinge on buying things for me!) I went home twice (in the day) to do some housework to ease him off the chores so that he can concentrate on his upcoming exam (which i always do). I miss him everyday. I don't know how long the seperation is going to be. I'm afraid I won't be able to take it for too long. Please help me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Welcome to marriagebuilders. It is a great place to be under the circumstances.

When a spouse who has had an affair tells you that they need time or space, it usually means that they need you out of the picture to continue the affair. Are you sure the other woman is out of the picture?

Please post on general questions, as there is more traffic and you will get more input.

Believer,
I am new to MB and my husband left me in November. After two months of separation and very little contact, I still love him and want to stay married. Am I nuts? Any logical person would file right away, but I am slowly bringing myself to the idea of filing legal separation.

He left because he says he wanted to save our marriage...that he couldn't take my emotional neediness anymore. We have only been married for less than 5 months when he left. I read the link you forwarded but still don't know what I am to do...keep the faith, hang in there until he decides to come home, continue to pray?

HELP!
Nomoregames

nomoregames - Please post your story on general questions. There is more traffic there and you will get lots of input.

You have not been married very long to have everything go downhill so soon. Is your husband a Christian too?

Do you look at yourself as being too needy?

How long did you know each other before you got married? Does he come from a dysfunctional family?

Believer,
Yes, i give him the benefit of doubt, even if it's not, i'm ready to 'fight' for it! I will not let anyone destroy my family and take away someone i love so much.

NOw, the decision is:
(1) should I just go home, be present, take concrete actions (as what I've read in His Needs Her Needs and many others) to rebuild the marriage and slowly bring it back to track? My concern is - if i rush into Decision (1), it will push him off sooner.

(2)Or should I just leave it as it is for the time being? I'm afraid if I leave him alone for too long, we will begin to move further away from each other to a point of no turning back.